pregnancy Archives - TheSanityPlan

Having a Baby? Time to Fill Up Your Tank

August 15, 2017 By Sara M. 15 Comments

And no, I don’t mean your gas tank (although that’s probably a good idea as well).

I mean, it’s time to fill up your personal tank. I should know, I’ve been through this a time or two – I’m 10 weeks away from delivering my third baby. For those of you who’ve had a baby, you’re probably pretty aware of what happens. For those of you having your first baby, here’s how it goes.

When you have a baby, you can fall into a little bit of a black hole. And it can last for quite some time. For me, it always seems to last about a year. During that first year after childbirth, the first 3-6 months are straight up exhausting due to the lack of sleep. Beyond the delirium, there’s trying to figure out how to manage with a very new, very disruptive person in your household. And depending on whether you nurse, or for how long, this can be an additional drain on your resources. A child from age 0-1 needs so much time and attention (not begrudging – just realistically, this is how it is): diapers, entertainment, holding, snuggling, rocking, feeding, etc. And if you have any other little people running around, your workload is doubled.

I am sure it is different for everyone, but when I’m in that new baby black hole, time stands still. I don’t have the mental or physical energy to make plans with friends, be an active partner to my spouse, or even spend time doing the things I usually love.

So, with all this in mind – I am working very hard to fill up my tank now before my little bundle of joy arrives.

Friends

This week alone, I’ve hung out with two friends in person and made plans with one other. Most of these friends are long term, and I know that we can make it through a one year new baby lapse, but it would be difficult to stretch it any longer than that. Plus, it is so good for me. At a recent playdate, my girlfriend and I swapped funny parenting stories, laughing so hard it brought tears to our eyes.

Partners & Spouses

This summer we were so lucky to have found a great babysitter, which enabled my husband and I to devote regular time to our relationship. We’ve enjoyed going out to dinner, getting massages, or hitting the movie theater. Between the date nights and our babymoon in May, we have been stockpiling the good times to help get us through those especially hard months when the baby is born.

Family Time

Spending as much time with family has been on my mind as well. I have visited my dad once already this summer, and will be heading down again on Monday with the kids. I haven’t seen my mom that much because she lives pretty far away, so I am trying to figure out how I can schedule a trip in to her before I’m cut off from flying…

We’ve seen my husband’s folks many times already this year, and are scheduling at least one more time each before the year’s out. We even spent a couple days with my husband’s cousins during our trip to Chicago earlier this summer. Depending on the circumstances, we’ll still get family time in after the baby is born, but ultimately it will be more difficult for us to travel to them.

Personal

This is going to completely depend on the person. For me, reading has been a lifelong pleasure. And boy, have I been catching up. In July, I read 3 books: Drop the Ball, Unbound, and Into the Water. And I’ve started at least 5 more…

Beyond reading, I am taking care of my health – learning more about my thyroid condition (Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis), getting regular chiropractic care, and even a couple prenatal massages.

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I can tell my tank is getting full, but what about the children? My stepdaughter at 14, my daughter at 4, and my son at 2, will all be affected by the newborn taking up so much more of mom and dad’s time. I have made an effort to be extra available to all of them now. This week, I took my daughter to my ultrasound so that she could see the baby growing inside me and then we went out for lunch. It is a little harder to take my son out for those kinds of activities, but I’ve been extra aware of creating special one-on-one times by playing his favorite games and giving him my undivided attention. Even time with my stepdaughter is important, but for her, I really like to encourage my husband to spend some alone time with her while I take care of the little ones. It really makes a difference to set aside special time for her because the youngest children usually take up such a big portion of our day.

Time is really starting to speed up now and there is so much I want to get done before the little man arrives. I am trying to keep my to-do list to a minimum and focus on top priorities. Hopefully, these efforts will help build up my energy and resilience to sustain me throughout the baby’s first year.

How full is your tank today?

If you are pregnant, what can you do now to help you prepare for the time required to tend and nourish a brand new baby?

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My High-Risk Pregnancy Scare: Placenta Previa

July 7, 2017 By Sara M. 15 Comments

Last month, when I went for my 20-week anatomy scan, I was greeted with an unpleasant surprise. Granted, there is always so much unpredictability when it comes to making and having babies, but this one caught me particularly off-guard.

Hubby and I watched with joy as each of the little man’s parts were confirmed to be developing normally. After being ushered from the dark ultrasound room to the brightly lit exam room, I was overcome with gratitude to be blessed with a third healthy pregnancy.

But I came crashing down from those heights as my doctor explained that I had placenta previa, a condition where the placenta blocks some or all of the cervical opening. This came along with the order for pelvic rest, meaning no lifting more than 20 lbs and no sex. And I was to report any bleeding immediately because that could mean that the placenta was detaching from the uterine wall. The doctor told me that they would check again in 4 weeks and we left.

I was devastated. I’ve known people who’ve had placenta previa and I knew that the most likely outcome was a caesarian section. I simply could not get my head around having two vaginal births, only for my final birth to be a c-section. I was frustrated to have the scarring, scar tissue, and delayed recovery time. I had always bounced back so quickly before, and this time I would have not one but two kids under 5 to care for when I got home. Yet, my doctor had made no mention of c-section even being a possibility – in fact, she simply said we were going to “watch and see.” Did this mean it might resolve itself? So, I did what most people would do… I took to the internet (right after I called my mother, of course).

All the major health websites explained the condition and the treatment listed was c-section. But I wanted to know more. Why does it happen? How common is it? How does it resolve itself? Is there anything I can do?

The hands-down best article I found on the web was by the Pregnant Scientist. Her article is chock full of research about placenta previa, and helped ease my concern with the high statistics on placentas actually migrating away from the cervix when diagnosed in the 2^nd trimester.

Armed with this information, I spent a good half an hour discussing it with my nurse case manager. If you have the opportunity to use a pregnancy case management program through your insurer, I highly recommend it for this reason. These case managers tend to have more time to discuss issues and concerns than your doctor. One of the missing pieces of the puzzle she helped me with was that due to a recent change in diagnostic codes, all types of placenta previa (including low-lying placenta) are now included under one code. So, simply from that diagnosis, you cannot tell exactly how “bad” the previa is.

My first step was to call the office back and ask some follow up questions:

What is the extent of the placenta previa? How much of the placenta is covering the cervical opening? In my case, the ultrasound notes did not include these details.

Is the previa toward the front of the uterus (anterior) or towards the back of the uterus (posterior)? (According to the research compiled by the Pregnant Scientist, it has a higher chance of migration if it is anterior). In my case, it was posterior.

Questions partly answered, I resolved to wait and see. I tried to accept the idea since there wasn’t anything that I could do to change the situation but I have still been pretty stressed. It was really hard to stop picking up the kids. My youngest at 2 ½ is almost 30 lbs. Even my vacuum weighs more than 20 lbs, meaning whenever I needed it on a different floor, I had to ask for help carrying it. Which was quite difficult for me, a do-it-yourself kind of girl. But I managed. I had to remind myself that I didn’t want to risk the safety of the baby over something I could prevent.

And today at my 24 week exam, I got the best possible news. I might just have floated the entire way home from the doctor’s office. My placenta actually migrated enough to give me the green light for a vaginal delivery! Instead of being within 2 cm of the cervix, my placenta is now 2.7 cm from the cervix.

And I am SO SO grateful.

Now, I just have to worry about pushing out my largest baby yet…

To Babymoon or Not to Babymoon?

May 27, 2017 By Sara M. 2 Comments

The answer: It depends.

I was never a big believer in the whole concept of a babymoon. But that had a lot to do with our unique circumstances, the way our relationship unfolded. We were together for 5 years before we got married so we had plenty of time to enjoy spending time as a couple before adding a child. We were older when we got married (think 30+) so both of us had also had our fill of young solo activities, rest and relaxation, etc. To top it off, we were averaging at least one vacation per year anyways, so we were not starving for romance or getaways. And even if you know from our story that my husband already had his daughter, we only had her part time back then so it wasn’t difficult to carve out time for ourselves.

So, when we got pregnant with our daughter in March of 2012, we didn’t plan a “babymoon.”

But over time, things have changed. We took having our daughter pretty much in stride, despite the fact that she was not an easy baby. Our relationship definitely took a toll from the constant demands of those early parenting years. By the time our son was born, 2 years later, and despite our best intentions, our relationship was in a rough patch. Looking back, our friction was compounded by the fact that we had no support network. We rarely got the chance for any child-free time, let alone a healthy regular break. We had taken only 1 short child-free trip in the 4.5 years we’ve been raising children together and the purpose of that trip was to visit family, so while it was fun, it was also not centered around us.

In the 2 years since our son was born, we made huge strides in prioritizing our relationship. We hired sitters for date nights and even occasionally went out for date breakfast when the kids were in daycare. Anything to keep up our relationship in our new hectic, child-monopolized world.

So, when we decided to have our third child, it occurred to me that a babymoon would be a great way to reconnect as husband and wife. We had already done a ton of groundwork, hence the decision to have another child, but a special vacation would signify our commitment to each other. Especially since we were both fully aware of the strain a new baby can put on a marriage.

Even under the best circumstances, it is common for the relationship to take a short hiatus to make room for the new bundle of joy.

Having just returned from our babymoon, I can tell you it was totally right for us. With my pregnancy in mind, we planned a totally laid-back resort style vacation. We placed high emphasis on resting, that included sleeping most of the first day with the exception of getting midday lunch and massages. We made it a point to do everything that we wouldn’t normally get to do at home:

wake up naturally (no kids for alarms!)
take naps
read
talk about grownup topics (without interruptions)
meet new people
go out for romantic dinners

I’ve always been really hesitant to leave the kids for an extended period of time, but now at 2.5 and 4.5 they did really well without us. Which was a relief.

So, back to the original question. To babymoon or not? Before you make a decision based on the babymoon trend, take a moment to consider your personal factors.

How is your relationship going?

Have you filled up your romance tank in preparation for a new baby?

Do you have a good support network, allowing for regular child-free outings?

Do you feel comfortable leaving your children with a caregiver?

Are you at a good point in your pregnancy for a vacation?

I think one of the things that made our trip so special was that it had been so long since we had taken a solo vacation. We reminisced about all of the fun vacations we took prior to having kids and we were both just so grateful to have a break and the chance to be with each other. Uninterrupted. Without deadlines and rushing and the general hectic nature of everyday life with littles. To say the least, it definitely added to our Sanity Plan.

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The Sanity Plan Update & Announcement!

May 3, 2017 By Sara M. 9 Comments

Life can really throw you off track sometimes. When I started this blog last year, I was making plans and taking steps to explore a potential career in writing. I thought our family life had stabilized and I could begin to work on myself again.

And then, well, life happened. Literally.

My husband and I decided that we really did want to have another baby. My third and my husband’s fourth. And presto, here we are, expecting a new little man due in October.

So, I’ve really needed to reevaluate based on this new direction. First and foremost, to at least partially explain my absence from writing, I have pretty brutal morning sickness that typically lasts until about 15 weeks. I am just beginning to feel well enough to take back on some of my creative work.

The other thing that I am still working through when it comes to writing is deciding which avenues I really want to pursue. Is it that children’s book idea I have? Or, the non-fiction books that I want to write? My memoir? Or, working towards writing essays for publication? I am struggling with this because I really *want* to do it all, but the truth is I only have so much time in my day. And a major portion of my time is still dedicated to raising my young children (and will be even more so when the next one comes). For now, I am leaning towards focusing my efforts on essays for publication.

One other piece that having a new baby actually solved for me is that I will definitely not be going back to traditional work in the near term. As I encountered some of the difficulties with freelance work, going back to work seemed like an increasingly desirable option. I’ve definitely missed the clear-cut objectives, regular pay, and health benefits. But that idea will have to be put on hold for the meantime, likely postponed until our newest addition is two.

The other thing that I feel is important to share is my rededication to my investments. I haven’t talked much about finances on The Sanity Plan to date, but it is something I am definitely going to be doing going forward. I have an extensive financial background, both in education and career, and I have been investing for income for about 15 years. I am much more likely to check my stocks than social media, and I would much rather discuss investment strategy than fashion, celebrities, or even politics. In 2016, I really ignored my investments, and they suffered. It was the first year since the recession where I did not make money. Looking back, I was very distracted with trying to figure out my career direction and adjusting to having two young children, but since investing has been my main source of income since I chose to stay home, I needed to get back to giving it the proper time and attention. I’m glad to say these efforts have already paid off in 2017.

To recap my priorities: running my household and caring for the kids, followed by my investments, followed by my writing. And honestly, I am finally coming to terms with the fact that I don’t have time for much else. That doesn’t mean I won’t be making plans to see my friends or exercise or just relaxing. I just needed to get my head clear on how much time I really have during the day and what is the most important to me. I’ve spent many years since becoming a mother feeling stretched too thin across too many areas, feeling so divided that I wasn’t performing my best at any of them.

Part of my Sanity Plan is really keeping a check on that, being careful to be realistic about what I can and can’t take on.

We are super excited about our new addition. With this child, we will have two girls and two boys, in that order. The timing just feels right. When my son was born, our family was going through a big transition, and it really did not go as smoothly as I hoped. My daughter was struggling and yet undiagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder and my son was a VERY difficult baby. And to top it off, my stepdaughter came to live with us full time when he was six months old. As I’ve mentioned before, it took us a year to fully transition and feel more comfortable. My husband and I can definitely feel the contrast from then to now, and are welcoming the opportunity to give it another shot with our family in a more stable position.

Having a Baby? Time to Fill Up Your Tank

Friends

Partners & Spouses

Family Time

Personal

My High-Risk Pregnancy Scare: Placenta Previa

To Babymoon or Not to Babymoon?

The Sanity Plan Update & Announcement!

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Friends

Partners & Spouses

Family Time

Personal

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