Sanity Plan Success Stories – Raising Kids Far from Home

February 16, 2018 By Sara M. 1 Comment

One of the things I love the most about the Sanity Plan is getting the opportunity to see how other people put their own Sanity Plans in action. The following post is a guest post written by an American woman who is raising her children abroad. I got to know Emily through a writing group we belong to and found her story incredibly interesting. I hope you do, too!

A Sanity Plan: Three R’s that Keep My Life Abroad Balanced

As an American mom married to a Czech, keeping a healthy life balance while raising children abroad is a top priority. My family has lived in the Czech Republic for more than 13 years now. Many Czech friends, my own children, and my mother ask me why we don’t live in America, or when we’re planning to return to the US. I used to ask myself the same thing.

Now, I can’t imagine leaving.

Over the years, I’ve tried to understand where home is for my family. Like many expats, I’ve had moments where I’ve wanted to pack my bags and wave goodbye to the Czech Republic for good, and I’ve had moments in the US where I’ve longed for the day of my flight to arrive to take me back to Prague.

On good days, I am at home in my adopted country of the Czech Republic. Beer is cheaper than water, there are more castles per square meter than in any other European country, and Czechlish is my family’s language of choice. I thrive on the atmosphere of growth that comes from living in a country different from where I grew up, where even going to the store to buy meat can be an adventure.

Then, there are the bad days. When the supermarket clerk gives me a cold stare that brings me to tears, or the heating goes out, and I don’t know the right words to say to the serviceman in Czech. When my children are embarrassed that I can’t speak Czech like a native, or I yearn to chat with my mother but realize by the time she’s awake, my day will be halfway gone.

Despite believing that making a home in the Czech Republic was the right decision for my family, I do miss my roots (a lot).

To help me feel grounded in my life abroad, I have created a Sanity Plan that I like to call “My 3 R’s.” Based on rituals that I can do wherever, whenever I need to feel balanced, “My 3 R’s” are an essential part of keeping my own sanity. These rituals are what I give to myself to keep my passions alive, my sense of humor intact, and to remind myself of who I am beyond the labels (mother, wife, teacher, writer, fill in the blank).

My 3 R’s: w(R)iting, Reading, and Running

Writing (and friends who write)

Years ago, I met two Americans in Prague who liked to write as much as I did. One evening a week, we shared our stories over dinner. With encouragement from my friends, I began to write a weekly column called Half-n-Half for a local newspaper.

The column was a way for me to make sense of the cultural differences (and similarities) that I observed while living in the Czech Republic. Even when I had more important things to do (change diapers, help with homework, or teach English lessons), whenever I stopped writing, I grew grumpy and irritable. So, I picked up my pencil.

Writing was how I took a step back from my life. It was also a way for me to connect with other foreigners living in the Czech Republic and Czechs living abroad.

The other day, my preteen daughter asked me why I spent so much time writing my stories, if I didn’t get much money from them. While I fumbled to answer, getting emotional and half apologizing for my dedication to something that wasn’t putting money into our bank account or food on the table, my daughter answered her own question.

“I think I understand, Mommy,” she said. “It’s kind of like my dancing. I love dance, even if I’m not going to be a prima ballerina.”

Running

To balance my writing, I run. I am not a hard-core runner. I don’t have sleek abdominals or toned arms. I run to keep the witch inside me at bay. And, I run to let the witch out. There is an ongoing inner monologue when I run. Some days, I sort out a writing dilemma or a work problem, other times I rehash a conversation that didn’t go as planned. I think about my children and what is going on in their lives. I look at the trees or the creek that winds along my trail. Or, I stare 7-8 feet in front of me and will my legs to keep moving.

When I see other parents pushing strollers or walking with children on bikes in the woods, I often feel guilty. But, I don’t run home to coerce my children to join me. They have their own sports classes and activities. Running is my time.

On my birthday, the kids and I do a family run (at their request). When we finish, my daughter says, “I wish I had the time to run like you do.” I tell her that any time she wants to run, I would be happy to have her join me. And I mean it. I tell her that running makes me a better mom.

Reading

For my family of bookworms, bedtimes stories are the cherry on top of the ice cream sundae. Ever since they were babies, I have read aloud to my children each night. Reading is the one consistent way (in addition to speaking to them in English) that I balance their Czech school education and the Czech culture that surrounds us. It is also the one time a day when each child receives my full, focused attention.

As each child learned to read, our ritual was expanded. Now, I rotate through their rooms at bedtime, starting with the youngest. He reads a few pages in Czech, then I follow with a story in English. My older two children read on their own. On busy nights, my daughter listens to my youngest son read while I do dishes and pack school lunches. Then, I come to read to him.

Even (or rather especially) when the day has been crazy, for these few moments, I focus only on the time my child and I have carved out for one another. And the stories we share together.

Most days, I don’t have time to do as much writing, running, or reading as I wish. But, by following my passions a little every day, I hope my children see that their own dreams (no matter how wild or crazy they seem) are valid and real.

Do you have rituals that help you keep your life sane? I’d love to hear about them in the comments.

Emily Gates Prucha teaches English and writes about raising multilingual children in the Czech Republic – the land of beer, castles, and Krtek (The Little Mole). Find her stories about Czech culture online at Half-n-Half for The Prague Daily Monitor and prague.tv. As far as Czech traditions go, she doesn’t like being whipped at Easter but having a carp swimming in her bathtub at Christmas suits her fine.

Do you have a Sanity Plan that you’d like to share? Please pitch your guest post to thesanityplan@gmail.com.

Staying Sane During Your Infant’s First Week

November 14, 2017 By Sara M. Leave a Comment

First, the good news! Our newest addition was born on Friday, October 27^th, at 7 lbs 3 oz and 20 inches long. Both labor and delivery were an absolute breeze, my first with zero complications!

Here is a picture of the little munchkin:

With Baby G finally here, we have rounded out our family count to a total of 6. Our oldest (my stepdaughter) is 14, then my daughter is 5, my son is almost 3, and now a newborn. And let me tell you, it’s been quite a transition.

This first week has been tough. Despite my best intentions, I’ve lost my temper with everyone at least once (well, everyone except the baby, that is). While everyone has been sweet with the baby directly, his presence has very clearly thrown the family out of whack. The youngest two have been fighting CONSTANTLY, even more than before, which I wasn’t even sure was possible. They’ve also been acting up to get negative attention, digging their heels in about minor stuff, etc. Even the teen huffed and puffed about how “she’s given up on everything” because the new baby interrupted her typical movie routine with dad. And the fight with my hubby? Old stuff resurfacing about the house not being tidy enough, just with a lot more emotion due to hormones and exhaustion.

All of our routines needed revising. Our morning routine has been tough because I had to get the toddler and preschooler ready for the day while juggling a newborn. I’ve had to adjust the routine for getting everyone into the car and buckled, in part because we’ve rearranged our seating to accommodate the baby and in part because there’s one more person to buckle in. Our nighttime routine was affected because it is Baby G’s super alert time so Hubby and I have had to divide and conquer to get the kids to bed. In fact, everything took longer than it used to, because the routine is different and it is also new (therefore, not yet routine).

And then, of course, there was generally more stuff to do: host visitors, extra errands, and a whole slew of doctor’s appointments.

To top it all off, I’ve been feeling like a complete failure. As I told my husband one morning, I was frustrated that I needed so much extra help from him. Needing that made me feel incompetent, like I should have been able to do all this myself (and not impede on his workday since he is fully supporting us). As with every other time I’ve given birth, I expected to bounce back right away. Luckily, I was able to see that it was my typical pattern of thinking, which helped me see how irrational it was.

So, now that you get the picture of what it’s really been like, let me tell you what has helped me this week.

Practicing patience – Despite my short supply, it is critical that to have extra patience with everyone: my husband, the kids, and especially myself. Even things that seem completely unrelated to the new baby can be a result of the insecurity that such a big change can bring.
Slowing down – Allowing for the extra time to adjust to the new rhythms and routines is key. New routines require thinking and planning and being aware of the process. The act of slowing down helps to define the best way to tackle each task instead of trying to force the old habit on a new process.
Keeping the task list to a minimum – So much is going on that first week postpartum. Helping everyone adjust to the new baby and new routines. Both mama and baby need to recover from labor and delivery and learn to feed. Mama is flush with hormones and adjusting to the new demands on her body, including regular interruptions to sleep. So why on earth do we expect that we can just resume our normal lives after the birth of a child? Instead, set small goals to accomplish, and be forgiving of yourself if it feels like you are getting nothing done.
Letting people help – I am way better at this this time (it only took 3 babies to get there!). I have been working on accepting help from my husband, and even total strangers because it’s just hard. And I realize that it’s crazy to insist that I can do everything on my own and not accept help. Plus, I can so clearly see now that people really want to help.
Sleeping as much as possible – Everything is worse when you don’t sleep. Overall, it is important to check in with your body (even though it’s hard and not intuitive when in the midst of caring for others) and make sure you are eating, drinking enough fluids, eliminating regularly, caring for any delivery problems, etc. But for me, there is something about not sleeping enough that impacts me the most. I have a hard time with all of the above if I don’t get enough sleep. This week I ended up having to switch with my husband to get up with the kids because I was struggling to function after being up several times in the night with the baby. It’s hard for him with his schedule, but it’s temporary until I can get a better handle on everything.

All in all, after a quick reset, I feel as though we are all on the right track for making this transition as smooth as possible.

What was it like for you when you first brought home your baby? In retrospect, what really worked or what would you have done differently? Let me know in the comments.

I’m Not JUST a Stay at Home Mom

September 11, 2017 By Sara M. 8 Comments

Am I?

It’s certainly how I’ve thought of myself for the past three years, ever since I was laid off from my Finance position at a Fortune 500 company. I haven’t done any “traditional” or “full-time” work since.

Sure, there’s the argument that staying home with the kids is work. Which it most definitely is. And I’m certainly busy. In fact, most days I wonder how I ever used to work at all. But even without a full-time job, my list of domestic failings is so long that I often wonder:

“What am I doing wrong?!”

It’s pretty typical that I compare my shortcomings to other mothers’ accomplishments. One day my husband was describing in full detail watching his grandmother make pies from scratch, painstakingly crafting and rolling out the pie crust by hand. I listened intently as he reminisced about the unbelievable buttery taste, superior to any store-bought creation that passes as dessert today. To which I remarked, “I don’t know how mothers used to have time to do that.” I have NEVER EVER made any pie crust by hand. It simply would take too much time (and require more patience and skill than I currently possess). But it’s not just the baking, it’s the stories of mothers who sewed clothes for their children, ironed their husband’s shirts, grew their own fruits and vegetables, made every meal from scratch, and on and on.

When I voiced my inadequacy, my husband put it simply, “You’re not really a stay at home mom.”

I’m not? It certainly feels that way most days. I handle the kids 100% during the day while my husband works and we share the responsibilities at night. I feed the family their meals, including my husband when he is working from home. I do never-ending laundry and try to keep the mess from overtaking all of our spaces. I handle groceries and supplies. I cart the kids to and fro. That’s all stay at home mom material.

It’s only reinforced by the fact that I can see that my Facebook posts are primarily about our children and family. My husband will be talking about business with me (one of my favorite topics, seriously!), and my mind will wander to wondering when I can take the kids apple picking. Where the children are at developmentally is one of my go-to conversations. And our friends and family are so used to the idea that I am home with the kids, that no one ever bothers to ask me what I might be doing beyond homemaking.

Yet my husband is right, I actually do so much more.

I am an investor.

I spend a minimum of 1-2 hours per weekday reading business news related to my investments. I am running several different investment strategies across 5 brokerage accounts, which takes time to manage. In addition, I have also been teaching my husband about the stock market and helping him develop his own strategies according to his risk tolerance. At this time, my taxable portfolio is my largest source of income, between $15-20k per year.

I help my husband with his business.

I don’t have as much time to devote as I used to, but I jump in to cover the office while he is away. Because I worked with him for many years and am familiar with the business, I often am his sounding board for problems he encounters.

I am a writer.

For one, I run this blog. Second, I am freelance writing for other sites. Third, I did copy-writing for a company that needed Amazon product pages rewritten. These jobs haven’t added up to a whole lot of income this year, but it was WORK.

When I consider these and other jobs I maintain, it’s easier to see why I am ALWAYS feeling behind on my domestic tasks. I mean, there’s also the fact that I don’t particularly like cleaning and organizing. But when I add up all the hours spent on traditionally non-SAHM tasks, I can see where my husband is coming from.

And I am not the only one. I know many, many other mothers who might appear from the outside to be Stay at Home Moms, but they are all doing more than just the mom thing. I know people who volunteer, do photography, teach or tutor, freelance in various capacities, or do creative work like making jewelry or art. In fact, I know more of these types of hybrid moms than the more traditional ones.

This post is not intended to devalue anyone who is solely a Stay at Home Mom. I sometimes wish that I could just manage the kids and the household and do nothing else. And then I come back to the reality that I am not particularly well suited for that kind of work and devotion. Keeping my mind occupied with the other things I do really helps to keep me sane.

What about you? Are you a SAHM? What else do you do that doesn’t typically fall under that description?

How Working Moms Can “Drop the Ball” – A Book Review

July 25, 2017 By Sara M. 15 Comments

I picked up Tiffany Dufu’s book “Drop the Ball” on a whim during my last trip to the library. With an endorsement on the front from Sheryl Sandberg and a foreword penned by Gloria Steinem, I figured this book was worth a read. And I am very glad I took the chance. This is the first book I’ve read in quite some time where I felt like I was learning something new on every page and it even inspired me to write pages of notes and reactions (like I was back in school all over again!).

Dufu utilizes her extensive background in the field of advancement for women, detailed scientific research, as well as her own personal experiences to send the message that working mothers can indeed learn to stop trying to do it all.

The Why

Drop the Ball seeks to address the following questions:

Why do working moms stall out when they reach middle management instead of joining the ranks of leadership in equal ratios to men?

Why are these women burning out, experiencing increased rates of crippling stress and depression?

According to Dufu, both questions point to the same answer. Women with families are taking on too much. Gender stereotyping to “own” the household, regardless of having a career, forces women to essentially work two full time jobs.

The Solution

“Drop the Ball” is filled with practical advice on how to go about obtaining better balance between career and home life. I love how Dufu addresses the problem here, instead of blaming society or men for this problem, she focuses on how women need to be assertive to push back against these gender norms.

So, how can we learn to drop the ball?

Evaluate what is important to you and then decide if you are best utilizing your time and talents to meet those goals
Analyze the tasks needed to run your household (Dufu uses an excel spreadsheet) and work to balance them in a more equitable way, keeping in mind that some tasks can be dropped completely (if they don’t meet goals in first bullet)
Let go of tasks assigned to other people and you may be surprised at the result (Dufu calls this Home Control Disease or HCD and as long as we hold onto this habit, we will never be free to pursue more important things)

The Hidden Gems

The further I got into the book, the more impressed I became with how Dufu thinks. I want to highlight a couple of gems that I really appreciated in her work.

Do not take for granted the work our husbands already do to help support our households – Dufu shares an experience similar to my own when she sits down with her husband to list out all of the household tasks and is surprised by the things she was unaware that her husband handled. I imagine this is a common experience for women and enforces the need for this exercise to be done with an open mind (instead of accusations and anger).
Just because men do it differently than we would… doesn’t make it wrong. This is so important in terms of us learning how to let go of tasks. Dufu refers to detailed lists she left for her husband, expecting him to manage the kids exactly in the way that she would. I actually went through a similar mindset with my husband prior to having kids, when we worked together for his business. It was an eye opening experience for me to learn that my way of doing things was not the only way to get it done (and not even the optimal method at times!).
Men are suffering from gender stereotypes when it comes to family life as well. Dufu uses a personal example of being outraged that her husband was telling prospective employers that his wife was nagging him to spend more time at home. When she approached him, she learned that he was scared to be ridiculed (and not hired) if he truthfully explained his own commitment to his family. It was much more culturally acceptable for the wife to be forcing this change that for it to come from an internal desire. This experience highlights how we need to buck the trends that are not supportive of men being just as involved in family life and household management. One solution Dufu brings to light here is that companies can incorporate leave and flexible work policies for both men and women and adapt a culture that allows men to take advantages of such programs without stigma or penalty.

Overall, an enlightening read on a timely topic dear to many a working mother’s heart. I highly recommend “Drop the Ball” for all women who seek to find balance in their domestic lives, carving a more equitable future for generations to come.

TheSanityPlan is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. All products recommended are used personally by us and opinions about them are our own.

My High-Risk Pregnancy Scare: Placenta Previa

July 7, 2017 By Sara M. 15 Comments

Last month, when I went for my 20-week anatomy scan, I was greeted with an unpleasant surprise. Granted, there is always so much unpredictability when it comes to making and having babies, but this one caught me particularly off-guard.

Hubby and I watched with joy as each of the little man’s parts were confirmed to be developing normally. After being ushered from the dark ultrasound room to the brightly lit exam room, I was overcome with gratitude to be blessed with a third healthy pregnancy.

But I came crashing down from those heights as my doctor explained that I had placenta previa, a condition where the placenta blocks some or all of the cervical opening. This came along with the order for pelvic rest, meaning no lifting more than 20 lbs and no sex. And I was to report any bleeding immediately because that could mean that the placenta was detaching from the uterine wall. The doctor told me that they would check again in 4 weeks and we left.

I was devastated. I’ve known people who’ve had placenta previa and I knew that the most likely outcome was a caesarian section. I simply could not get my head around having two vaginal births, only for my final birth to be a c-section. I was frustrated to have the scarring, scar tissue, and delayed recovery time. I had always bounced back so quickly before, and this time I would have not one but two kids under 5 to care for when I got home. Yet, my doctor had made no mention of c-section even being a possibility – in fact, she simply said we were going to “watch and see.” Did this mean it might resolve itself? So, I did what most people would do… I took to the internet (right after I called my mother, of course).

All the major health websites explained the condition and the treatment listed was c-section. But I wanted to know more. Why does it happen? How common is it? How does it resolve itself? Is there anything I can do?

The hands-down best article I found on the web was by the Pregnant Scientist. Her article is chock full of research about placenta previa, and helped ease my concern with the high statistics on placentas actually migrating away from the cervix when diagnosed in the 2^nd trimester.

Armed with this information, I spent a good half an hour discussing it with my nurse case manager. If you have the opportunity to use a pregnancy case management program through your insurer, I highly recommend it for this reason. These case managers tend to have more time to discuss issues and concerns than your doctor. One of the missing pieces of the puzzle she helped me with was that due to a recent change in diagnostic codes, all types of placenta previa (including low-lying placenta) are now included under one code. So, simply from that diagnosis, you cannot tell exactly how “bad” the previa is.

My first step was to call the office back and ask some follow up questions:

What is the extent of the placenta previa? How much of the placenta is covering the cervical opening? In my case, the ultrasound notes did not include these details.

Is the previa toward the front of the uterus (anterior) or towards the back of the uterus (posterior)? (According to the research compiled by the Pregnant Scientist, it has a higher chance of migration if it is anterior). In my case, it was posterior.

Questions partly answered, I resolved to wait and see. I tried to accept the idea since there wasn’t anything that I could do to change the situation but I have still been pretty stressed. It was really hard to stop picking up the kids. My youngest at 2 ½ is almost 30 lbs. Even my vacuum weighs more than 20 lbs, meaning whenever I needed it on a different floor, I had to ask for help carrying it. Which was quite difficult for me, a do-it-yourself kind of girl. But I managed. I had to remind myself that I didn’t want to risk the safety of the baby over something I could prevent.

And today at my 24 week exam, I got the best possible news. I might just have floated the entire way home from the doctor’s office. My placenta actually migrated enough to give me the green light for a vaginal delivery! Instead of being within 2 cm of the cervix, my placenta is now 2.7 cm from the cervix.

And I am SO SO grateful.

Now, I just have to worry about pushing out my largest baby yet…

Restoring Mornings by Waking Naturally

January 31, 2017 By Sara M. 11 Comments

Sometimes you don’t really know how much you miss something until it’s gone.

For me, I’ve missed the ability to wake up naturally. And guess who stole that ability from me? Both my babies, but especially my last child, my son. He has not been a good sleeper for most of his 2 years. In particular, for the first 20 months or so he would wake up between 5-5:30am. I joked at the inhumanity and indecency of being alive at that hour. Despite my valiant efforts, I was never truly able to recover from waking that early. I would almost always need a nap to get through my day, and even then, I still might not really feel “well” that day.

How do other people do it? I don’t know, but it’s not good for my body rhythm.

For the last couple weeks, I’ve finally begun to sleep in just a little longer now that my son is more self-sufficient. He can get himself out of his crib and entertain himself for a little bit. I can hear that he is awake as no amount of effort will turn off my “mom ears,” but I am afforded a much more gradual waking process.

I can wake slowly. Stretch. Lay there in bed with my eyes closed, letting my thoughts drift as they please. Those moments are so precious to me. I’d actually forgotten how much I needed them. It makes such a huge difference in how I feel throughout the day when I am able to awake on my own terms, as opposed to ripping myself out of bed to attend to a screaming baby.

I first realized the benefits of waking up naturally when I was doing my MBA. Due to my anxiety and panic attacks, I decided quit my full-time job, electing to work part time for my husband’s company. Because I didn’t have to be at work at a particular time, I stopped setting an alarm. I was a little worried that I would oversleep, but I actually didn’t. And waking up on my own helped me to feel the best I’ve felt in my entire adult life.

I believe being woken up by anything other than your own body is a potential disturbance to your sleep cycles. I found that I was getting very good sleep in the early morning hours, between 5-8am. I slept deeply and had intense dreams during these hours. I woke up after these sleep cycles feeling refreshed and well rested. My mind was clear and my energy was optimal.

I had to start setting an alarm again when I got a job after I completed my Master’s program. As long as I went to bed at a decent hour, this didn’t pose that much of a struggle. But, I was fortunate to be able to carry on this habit when my company allowed me to work from home after two years of working in the office. Again, this contrast allowed me to see how much better I felt by eliminating the alarm clock. Under this setup, I did still need to set my alarm just in case I didn’t wake up on time to be online by 9am. But it was very rare that I would not be up before I heard it’s familiar ring.

Very recently, my children are my alarms. I was spoiled by my daughter who would play quietly and wait for me to wake up beginning at around 1 year. I am truly grateful that my son is finally entering this stage as well. Waking up naturally makes such a positive impact on how I feel and my outlook on the day.

What about you? Do you allow yourself to wake naturally? If it’s not possible to do on a workday, would you consider trying to sleep in on the weekend, or taking turns with your partner?

The Sanity Plan Success Stories – A Flexible Freelance Career

January 24, 2017 By Sara M. 19 Comments

I met the owner of our next success story online. I was inspired by her commitment towards developing the career she wanted, even if that meant trying out many things until she found what worked. Here is Carrie’s Sanity Plan:

My name is Carrie, and I’m a registered nurse turned freelance writer. Last year I launched the Healthy Work at Home Mom to share what I’ve learned about creating a thriving business from home without burning yourself out.

I’ve wanted to work from home since the moment I became a mom four years ago. I remember sitting in our little apartment during maternity leave and deciding to check my work email. Our new baby was sleeping next to me as I logged in. I had just had her, but when I checked my email, I noticed one that said, “only 2 weeks until Carrie gets back!” I just sat there staring at my computer trying to process that. I had just had a baby! I quickly pulled up a calendar and realized I had indeed already been home with her for 10 weeks. Well, you know what happens next. I immediately burst into tears and decided to make a change.

I started researching ways that nurses can work from home and landed on medical writing. I began pitching myself to every company I could find, started a blog, and eventually landed a few freelance jobs. I slowly began cutting back my hours at the hospital and worked my last shift as a nurse at the end of 2016.

Being able to work from home for myself and be with my kids was absolutely the best decision I’ve ever made, but it still comes with its challenges. If I wake up one morning and the baby is sick, I no longer have to scramble to figure out daycare and who’s turn it is to call in and how I’m going to get in to the doctor. However, I do have to figure out when on earth I’m going to get my client work done.

Here are some of the strategies that have helped me the most:

Time blocking – I now have a weekly schedule with chunks of time for all of my projects. This has saved me so much time. Each time I have work time (during kindergarten and nap time), I know exactly what I need to do, so I don’t waste time feeling overwhelmed. On Mondays I edit and write outlines. Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays are for billable client work. On Wednesdays, I work on my blog and shoot a Facebook live video.
Embracing my season – It’s really easy for me to look at what others have accomplished and feel discouraged. I have big dreams and just want to get there. But I always come back to the fact that the reason I started freelancing was to be home with my kids, and that’s where I am. They won’t always be this little and need this much help, so I’m embracing my season. I have plenty of time to build my empire 🙂
Believing in myself – I think when you are working on a big goal (like leaving your 9-5 to work for yourself), it’s easy to doubt yourself. I certainly did. While my husband and family always believed in me, no one else understood what I was trying to build. No one thought this was possible. That’s where I had to decide that I was going to do this, even if I didn’t know exactly how. Every time I took a step forward, the next right step found me.

I love to see how other people create their Sanity Plans and put them into action. Creating a job that provides the flexibility to combine two dreams at once (motherhood and business ownership) is quite an achievement. Inspired? Read more on how to build your own Sanity Plan here.

Do you have a Sanity Plan success story to share? Let me know in the comments or reach out to me through my contact page.

A Young Mom Loses Her Battle With Cancer

December 22, 2016 By Sara M. Leave a Comment

My good friend’s sister died this week. She lost her battle with tongue cancer, claiming her life less than a year from her initial diagnosis.

She was only 42 years old.

It’s been haunting us ever since we heard the news. Not one day goes by that it doesn’t come up. We give voice to her memory and mourn for her husband and her children. There is something that feels so wrong about burying a young woman, a young mom.

My husband and I went to the wake on Tuesday to show our support for the family.

Her husband didn’t look any different than the last time I saw him, but his whole world had changed. He had watched his beloved wife struggle with the cancer. He was by her side when she had most of her tongue removed and could barely talk or eat. She suffered through radiation, only to have 3 cancer-free weeks before the tumors began to grow again. And it came back more aggressively than before. Her death marked a final relief from the daily suffering that her life had become.

Her husband is left behind to try to explain to their two boys, 3 and 5, that their mommy is never coming home. He held his head up, showing the unbelievable strength that he will need in years to come, as he explained to us the conversation he’d had with them. He had done some research, and ultimately decided that he had to tell them the blunt truth. That their mom was dead and gone forever. He worried that saying she “passed away” or “had moved on” would only serve to confuse them. He told us that the 5-year-old seemed to comprehend, but the 3-year-old didn’t yet. I doubt either of them will truly understand their loss until much later. My heart aches at the thought of them growing up without their mother.

Her father was the most coherent as I have seen him in years, despite his Alzheimer’s. It’s as if the shock and pain of having to bury his daughter jaunted him back to the current moment with sharp clarity. He stood stoically as a video montage of photos of his daughter played, silent tears streaming down his face. The only sign of his disease that day was his misbuttoned shirt and his backwards shoes that had been overlooked by everyone in their grief.

My friend, her brother, was in obvious pain but holding it together for his family. He had been in the hospital the night before, with blood pressure off the charts. They only let him leave because of his sister’s funeral, but they would have preferred to keep him for further testing. I watched him accept condolences and comfort his own teenage children.

The funeral home was filled with people when we left. People were saying their goodbyes to his sister or clustered around portraits scattered around the room. The pictures told the story of a joyful life that ended way too soon.

I am so sad for those two little boys who have to grow up without their mama. It truly hits home for me because my babies are so close in age at just 2 and 4. What would it be like for them if I were just gone one day? I can’t even imagine the hole in a young child’s heart that is caused when their mother dies. How many questions will they have one day about who she was and what she was like?

I wondered what our life would be like if I lost my husband. Would I be strong enough to carry on? Could I raise our family on my own? “Of course, you would,” my husband assured me, “You’d have to.” I know I would, but it would be devastating.

My heart hurts for this family. And it puts our small problems and minor complaints into their proper place, reminding us to be grateful for all that we have. We have a wonderful and healthy family, and we get to be whole for Christmas and this holiday season. And with good fortune, our children will grow up knowing support and love from both their mother and father.

Please Don’t Apologize For Your Kids Acting Up

November 19, 2016 By Sara M. 15 Comments

My girlfriend and her toddler son stayed over at our house this past weekend. And her son was pretty cranky. He was obviously thrown off by being in a strange place. He cried and clung to her every time he saw her. It was difficult for him to sleep. He was into everything because we no longer have much babyproofing, especially for the stairs. We were so elated to be free of baby gates that we didn’t even have any to throw up quickly to block our staircases.

As the weekend went on, all of these things were really getting to her, and she kept apologizing for his “behavior.” She kept saying that he usually isn’t like this. And my husband and I kept trying to convince her that it was okay, totally fine with us. “Hey, we have kids, we understand.” But you could just tell that she was really struggling with being able to let it go.

Here’s the thing that I couldn’t quite make her understand:

I LOVE it when other people’s kids act up.

I’m serious. Whining, crying, screaming, clinging, willful, fussy, and sleepless (well, maybe I am not *totally* okay with waking us up in the middle of the night, we do have our limits).

Why do I LOVE it, you ask?

Because 9 times out of 10, it’s me feeling the way she did. Embarrassed that my kids aren’t acting right. Too loud. Too rowdy. Too rude. Feeling like I have to apologize for them and for my apparent lack of control.

I am so relieved to see that my kids are not the only ones that throw epic tantrums when they don’t get their way.

It brings it front and center that other people’s kids aren’t perfect either. Which is something I often need reminding of, because most of the time I am comparing my poorly behaved children to everyone else’s perfect little spawn.

I need to be reminded that everything I see on Facebook and at the occasional well timed get-togethers aren’t the every day.

I can guarantee you that I am not annoyed that you have to keep getting up and interrupting our conversation to go pull your son down from halfway up the stairs. I LOVE to see willful behavior in action, because I am mostly convinced that both of my children have oppositional defiance disorder.

I am not even remotely upset to hear him crying half of the day. My son screamed almost every day for the first year. Before this weekend, I wasn’t even sure that your son ever cried. Now I know.

You were so frustrated that he didn’t go down for his nap like at home. You had to trek upstairs every few minutes to remind him it was bedtime and to LAY DOWN. I am now sufficiently over how jealous I was when we took our infant sons out for lunch. Remember how your son slept peacefully in his carrier for 2 hours with his little sound machine while mine threw food all over the floor and refused to sit in his high chair? Envy doesn’t even begin to describe how I was feeling that day.

So, please don’t apologize when your kid acts up. When I see him mashing his little body against your legs and screaming at the top of his lungs for you to pick him up, I can breathe a sigh of relief. That my children aren’t the monsters that I am convinced they are.

Really, I am not just placating you or trying to relieve your mom guilt about your child annoying us. I am so glad to see that your kid is not the flawless little angel that I had presumed him to be.

Cry on, little man, it takes the load off my heart.

And next time I am in the middle of the same situation, maybe I’ll feel a little less embarrassed when my kids start their antics. Because I’ll know that sometimes your kids are annoying, too.

The Tantrum “Hangover”

November 2, 2016 By Sara M. 9 Comments

Another day, another tantrum. Just finished publishing a piece on how I am trying not to remember this time as the “dark ages” and then wham, I wake up to this:

My daughter melted down this morning. None of the usual tricks worked. She just got stuck in this very cyclical pattern of repeating herself. “No, I am not going to do that!” “No, I’m not going to my room.” “No, I am not going to calm myself down.” And so on.

And once the train was going, it was gone. The issue? She wanted to bring 3 toys with her to preschool today, which is not allowed. They have already made an exception for her to bring 1 small toy for security, but 3 is just over the top. Imagine the chaos of trying to participate in activities with 3 toys, or one of them getting lost, or even another child trying to play with one of her beloved attachments. CHAOS is only the beginning.

I offered her other solutions: she could either put 2 of her babies in a special place at home where I would keep them safe, or she could put them in her backpack and take them to school but not play with them while she is there. Nothing worked. She told me I didn’t have good solutions.

I tried to hold her calmly in a firm, comforting bear hug. Didn’t work.

I felt lost. After a half hour of listening to her rant on and on, I lost my patience. I told her she needed to make a decision or I would. And that I didn’t want to hear any more about it.

To my surprise, she calmed down and made her decision.

With my daughter, I am always threading that needle of working her through her emotions or trying to talk her down from the ledge. But sometimes I just can’t get through to her. She needs to know what the limits are. And how much everyone else is going to take.

In no time, she was packed up and shipped off to school. Even cheerful and lovey as we parted ways.

And me? I’m a wreck. I feel as though I have an emotional hangover. My heart hurts; I feel totally bummed. I can’t stand starting the day this way. Listening to her tantrum, losing my own patience, and raising my voice. It feels like we’ve ruined the record we were setting of tantrum free days.

In the midst of my misery, my husband calls. I don’t like venting to him about this because I don’t want to weigh him down – but as I talked, his words cut through my misery with complete clarity.

“She’s already well over it, why aren’t you?”

It reads snarky, but it wasn’t at all. He remembered being a kid, having drag out blow out tantrums, and being over it just 15 minutes later.

I was shocked. I never had that experience.

But here I am, 5 hours later, still reeling from the effects of the argument, while it was likely no longer even a thought in her mind.

So, for my future sanity, I am going to take a lesson from the kids’ play book:

When it’s over, I’m going to let it go.

Sanity Plan Success Stories – Raising Kids Far from Home

A Sanity Plan: Three R’s that Keep My Life Abroad Balanced