Why A ‘Reset Button’ Is a Vital Part of Any Sanity Plan

July 5, 2018 By Sara M. Leave a Comment

So, what is a ‘reset button?’

Think of the reset button on your phone or computer. What does it do?

It stops all processes (usually required as a result of malfunction) and returns the device to it’s original functioning state.

It’s a reboot, a fresh start.

Can you think of how useful that could be if applied to your everyday life? Having a bad day? Reboot it. Fell off your diet wagon? Start over.

Why do you need a ‘reset button?’

Because life.

Because of those times when everything seems to be going wrong and it is steadily getting worse.

Because of ruts, bad starts, and what can go wrong will go wrong.

Sometimes simply knowing that we need to shift directions and trying to force ourselves to behave can actually make the situation worse, or continue the same downward spiral.

When do you need a reset?

This is totally personal. Here are some of the times when a reboot is essential for me:

When I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, a.k.a. cranky, and I’m having a difficult time getting out of my funk.

When I’m overly frustrated with a project, or with everything.

When I’m feeling so overwhelmed, I don’t know where to start.

Right after an argument with my spouse or one of the kids. (Hello emotional hangover)

When I feel like I’m falling short, running late and behind on everything.

When I’m groggy or my head is just not clear.

When it seems that I’m heading in the wrong direction with my day, nothing seems to work, or I’m floundering.

When I’m angry and all I want to do is yell, yell, yell.

When the kids are getting on my nerves over every little thing, and I don’t feel like being nice.

When I’m repeatedly making the wrong decisions whether it’s checking Facebook instead of working or eating sugary foods instead of sticking to my commitment to eat healthy.

How can you reset?

I have some definite go-to’s for this. Since I don’t have a magical ‘easy’ button, I have come to rely on these strategies for resetting my day:

Take a shower (um, yes, even if this means taking a second shower) – taking a shower is so relaxing for me. I have time to think. I come out fresh and clean and recharged, ready to tackle whatever was stopping me before. It is also great for idea generation and clarity.

Take a drive – similar to the above. My mind gets clearer when I go out for a drive. My ideas become a lot more organized when my mind is simultaneously focused on the task/rhythm of driving.

Take a walk/yoga/exercise – This is especially helpful if you can go outside. Get moving. Go outside. The light and movement activates your senses, allowing you to get past sticking points.

Run an errand – This ones a twofer – it combines taking a drive with getting something done. When I can’t focus well at home, just changing my environment and accomplishing something I’ve needed to do really helps me make a clean break.

Finish one small task – This is especially helpful when I’m floundering and don’t know where to start. Is there one itsy bitsy tiny thing I can do in 10 minutes or less? Just to get the ball rolling, just to get the sense of accomplishment. It totally works.

Switch tasks (gears) – one of the best things about staying home with the kids or working from home is the flexibility in prioritizing tasks. If I just can’t work, and I’m sitting here banging my head on a figurative wall, I have the flexibility to get up and clean something, fold laundry (usually something physical because my roadblocks are typically of the mental kind). Which has the added benefit of getting some nagging chore off my to do list.

Take a nap – this depends on how much time you have and how tired you are. If I’m really tired and that is the reason for my crankiness or lack of patience, then a good hour long nap is perfect. If I’m just looking for a reboot due to brain fog or an emotional hangover (see arguments above), then a 20 or 30 minute power nap is fantastic. That release into sleep usually clears out the negative stuff and allows almost a perfect restart.

Read a book – Books with short chapters are great for this. I can read one or two chapters, engross myself in someone else’s words and ideas, therefore detaching myself from my stuck ones.

Can you start to see what kinds of tasks are good for a reset? Anything that you can do that helps you break from your current mode. Think fresh, refresh, clean, shake things up, move, take a break, start over, begin again.

Final Thoughts

Employing a strategy to catch yourself heading off track and get things turned around is so helpful. It prevents you from wasting time in a bad mood or floundering and being ineffective.

And the bonus for parents?

A) Your children see you model this kind of behavior.

B) You can help your children reset when they get stuck. Seeing this in yourself helps you see it in your children, who do this quite often as part of their growing emotional control capabilities.

I’m embarrassed to say I need to do this quite often, at least several times a week. I’ve even had to do it multiple times in the same day. But you know what, that’s my rhythm, and the more I accept myself, the easier it is to employ solutions.

Do you employ any of these strategies? I’d love to hear what activities work best as a ‘reset button’ in your life.

Sanity Plan Success Stories – Raising Kids Far from Home

February 16, 2018 By Sara M. 1 Comment

One of the things I love the most about the Sanity Plan is getting the opportunity to see how other people put their own Sanity Plans in action. The following post is a guest post written by an American woman who is raising her children abroad. I got to know Emily through a writing group we belong to and found her story incredibly interesting. I hope you do, too!

A Sanity Plan: Three R’s that Keep My Life Abroad Balanced

As an American mom married to a Czech, keeping a healthy life balance while raising children abroad is a top priority. My family has lived in the Czech Republic for more than 13 years now. Many Czech friends, my own children, and my mother ask me why we don’t live in America, or when we’re planning to return to the US. I used to ask myself the same thing.

Now, I can’t imagine leaving.

Over the years, I’ve tried to understand where home is for my family. Like many expats, I’ve had moments where I’ve wanted to pack my bags and wave goodbye to the Czech Republic for good, and I’ve had moments in the US where I’ve longed for the day of my flight to arrive to take me back to Prague.

On good days, I am at home in my adopted country of the Czech Republic. Beer is cheaper than water, there are more castles per square meter than in any other European country, and Czechlish is my family’s language of choice. I thrive on the atmosphere of growth that comes from living in a country different from where I grew up, where even going to the store to buy meat can be an adventure.

Then, there are the bad days. When the supermarket clerk gives me a cold stare that brings me to tears, or the heating goes out, and I don’t know the right words to say to the serviceman in Czech. When my children are embarrassed that I can’t speak Czech like a native, or I yearn to chat with my mother but realize by the time she’s awake, my day will be halfway gone.

Despite believing that making a home in the Czech Republic was the right decision for my family, I do miss my roots (a lot).

To help me feel grounded in my life abroad, I have created a Sanity Plan that I like to call “My 3 R’s.” Based on rituals that I can do wherever, whenever I need to feel balanced, “My 3 R’s” are an essential part of keeping my own sanity. These rituals are what I give to myself to keep my passions alive, my sense of humor intact, and to remind myself of who I am beyond the labels (mother, wife, teacher, writer, fill in the blank).

My 3 R’s: w(R)iting, Reading, and Running

Writing (and friends who write)

Years ago, I met two Americans in Prague who liked to write as much as I did. One evening a week, we shared our stories over dinner. With encouragement from my friends, I began to write a weekly column called Half-n-Half for a local newspaper.

The column was a way for me to make sense of the cultural differences (and similarities) that I observed while living in the Czech Republic. Even when I had more important things to do (change diapers, help with homework, or teach English lessons), whenever I stopped writing, I grew grumpy and irritable. So, I picked up my pencil.

Writing was how I took a step back from my life. It was also a way for me to connect with other foreigners living in the Czech Republic and Czechs living abroad.

The other day, my preteen daughter asked me why I spent so much time writing my stories, if I didn’t get much money from them. While I fumbled to answer, getting emotional and half apologizing for my dedication to something that wasn’t putting money into our bank account or food on the table, my daughter answered her own question.

“I think I understand, Mommy,” she said. “It’s kind of like my dancing. I love dance, even if I’m not going to be a prima ballerina.”

Running

To balance my writing, I run. I am not a hard-core runner. I don’t have sleek abdominals or toned arms. I run to keep the witch inside me at bay. And, I run to let the witch out. There is an ongoing inner monologue when I run. Some days, I sort out a writing dilemma or a work problem, other times I rehash a conversation that didn’t go as planned. I think about my children and what is going on in their lives. I look at the trees or the creek that winds along my trail. Or, I stare 7-8 feet in front of me and will my legs to keep moving.

When I see other parents pushing strollers or walking with children on bikes in the woods, I often feel guilty. But, I don’t run home to coerce my children to join me. They have their own sports classes and activities. Running is my time.

On my birthday, the kids and I do a family run (at their request). When we finish, my daughter says, “I wish I had the time to run like you do.” I tell her that any time she wants to run, I would be happy to have her join me. And I mean it. I tell her that running makes me a better mom.

Reading

For my family of bookworms, bedtimes stories are the cherry on top of the ice cream sundae. Ever since they were babies, I have read aloud to my children each night. Reading is the one consistent way (in addition to speaking to them in English) that I balance their Czech school education and the Czech culture that surrounds us. It is also the one time a day when each child receives my full, focused attention.

As each child learned to read, our ritual was expanded. Now, I rotate through their rooms at bedtime, starting with the youngest. He reads a few pages in Czech, then I follow with a story in English. My older two children read on their own. On busy nights, my daughter listens to my youngest son read while I do dishes and pack school lunches. Then, I come to read to him.

Even (or rather especially) when the day has been crazy, for these few moments, I focus only on the time my child and I have carved out for one another. And the stories we share together.

Most days, I don’t have time to do as much writing, running, or reading as I wish. But, by following my passions a little every day, I hope my children see that their own dreams (no matter how wild or crazy they seem) are valid and real.

Do you have rituals that help you keep your life sane? I’d love to hear about them in the comments.

Emily Gates Prucha teaches English and writes about raising multilingual children in the Czech Republic – the land of beer, castles, and Krtek (The Little Mole). Find her stories about Czech culture online at Half-n-Half for The Prague Daily Monitor and prague.tv. As far as Czech traditions go, she doesn’t like being whipped at Easter but having a carp swimming in her bathtub at Christmas suits her fine.

Do you have a Sanity Plan that you’d like to share? Please pitch your guest post to thesanityplan@gmail.com.

Filling the Empty Spaces

January 26, 2018 By Sara M. 7 Comments

When I nurse my son, I like to head upstairs to his nursery. He has just gotten to that age where he is starting to get distracted from eating by the noises of our household: happy screams from his older siblings, the clanking of dishes, a movie playing in the background. The nursery is about as far from the noisy center of our home as one can be.

The escape is nice for me too. If the older ones are engaged in an activity or watching a show, I can really use the time to step away. Especially at the end of a long day with all of my kids, my brain feels overwhelmed and tired.

I have a book on the night stand that is easy for me to grab while he’s sucking away. And my phone is almost always within reach; it feels much like a third arm.

It is not uncommon for my husband to take note of me nursing and offer to bring me something. In which case, he means can he bring me ”something to do.” He looks at me with empathetic eyes as though considering how hard must it be to sit there, unable to get up for some time, with nothing to do.

I can almost hear how painful the thought is for him.

But…. I am doing something.

I am nursing my son.

I feel so much resentment towards this idea that creeps into my mind at all times of the day and night. That I must always be busy. I must always be doing something. To the point that even when I am doing something, I must also be doing something else.

Is nursing my child just an event on the periphery of life? Or, is it life itself? The main feature, front and center?

Why do we feel the constant need to fill the empty spaces?

As I sit to nurse, I start to itch for something to do. Pick up my book. Scroll through Facebook or Instagram to catch up on other people’s lives. But am I here, drinking up the joy of my own?

Even checking my stocks and reading news take me away from the experience, the here and now that I so desperately want to capture. When I look back at this time, I don’t think I’ll care about what was going on in the news.

What if it’s not an empty space?

I become aware of the task at hand. The pleasant experience of offering my milk to my child. Nourishing him, feeding him. Feeling his warmth and sharing his closeness.

I can shut my eyes, taking the time to rest them. Lubricate them.

I can breathe deeply.

I can let my mind wander. I’m tempted to fill the mental time with planning concrete projects or articles to write. But instead, I allow my thoughts to drift without their master.

All day long, I feel stressed and strained to get things done. Get the next load of laundry in the dryer. Make meals. Clean up after meals. Help the kids with their projects and play. Talking to them, teaching them. Doing doing doing doing doing.

I am doing all day long. Multiple things at the same time. Why can’t I just accept a quiet moment and leave the space empty?

Nursing the baby isn’t me time. It’s us time. And its actually a very full space, rich with love and connection. I love to feel his shape pressed against me, one hand reaching up to grasp a finger or a bit of my shirt. I enjoy the increased weight of his little body as he drifts off to milk-laden sleep.

All day long I feel like there isn’t enough time. I barely have time to sit and rest. My brain feels like a traffic jam and it takes an inordinate amount of time to think through simple tasks. I feel so strained and torn, pulled in 5 different directions at once.

And yet the first break from all those demands, the first opportunity for peace and quiet, I reach automatically to fill the space with a different kind of mind numbing noise.

I am making a conscious effort to preserve the “empty spaces” in my life for much needed rejuvenation. Doing so requires a ton of effort to fight my own nature and the external pressures of the busy-ness culture. I have to remind myself that even machines need down time and maintenance.

I don’t see this as mindfulness, although it shares some of the elements. I see this more as reclaiming our private times. Assigning value to the time spent doing nothing (or doing something that easily allows for a wandering mind). The great thinkers of human history treasured time spent in rumination, we would benefit from the same kind of reverence in this modern age.

Do you struggle with the same thing? Does this way a life become just a mode, a default setting?

Join me in taking back the empty spaces in our lives. Consider them like the forestry and parks that our nation tries to preserve as sacred spaces. Be fierce about giving it up for capture.

Take back those moments of freedom when you’re driving in the car, or drinking your coffee, or nursing your child.

Take them back because they are precious and rare.

Take them back because you need them to survive.

Financial Sanity – One Simple Habit That Can Save You Money

November 27, 2017 By Sara M. Leave a Comment

If saving money is a part of your Sanity Plan, this post is for you.

I find a big portion of our financial lives to be habitual. Do you head straight for the sale rack or do you peruse the non-sale items first? Do you plan your purchases ahead of time or buy things on a whim? Do you review receipts to make sure pricing is correct or stuff the receipt in your pocket without even looking?

Over the course of a lifetime, these habits can really impact how much you spend, and therefore, how much you save.

I could discuss many, many habits but this one simple habit has saved me a lot of money recently:

The habit of asking.

What do I mean by this?

Just a simple question is often enough to get a better price. Such as: “Is this the best you can do?” or “Do you offer any discounts?” or “Are there any available promotions?”

Often a polite inquiry about a product that isn’t working for you can get you a refund or an alternative solution. “Is this how it is supposed to work?”

I’ve been doing it a long time and this habit clearly goes back to my youth. My father, the king of the hard bargain, taught me. I distinctly recall his haggling for all sorts of things, from cars to insurance to… actually, basically everything.

Recent Ways I’ve Saved Money

Crockpot

I have owned my beloved red 4 qt Crockpot for more than 10 years. When the handle broke, I was reluctant to replace the whole unit because it just seemed like a waste. Instead, I found replacement parts online: lids for about $15 and handles for about $5. Neither came in red. On a whim I looked up Crockpot and emailed their support group to ask if there was a way that I could purchase a red replacement lid for my model. In less than a day, they responded that my model (and therefore it’s lid) was no longer in production. They generously offered to send an entirely new Crockpot in white.

Honest Company

I have had a diaper and wipes subscription with Honest Company for almost 5 years (two kids in diapers, back to back). Recently, after their whole wipes debacle, I received two rounds of their replacement wipes, which were so bad that my husband demanded that I cancel the subscription. A quick phone call to Honest Support was all it took to ask what was going on with the wipes. Were these temporary? Would they be going back to their better wipes now that they resolved the mold issue? The answer: Yes, and an offer to replace all the interim wipes that had been difficult to use – even though we had used 75% of them.

Amazon

Amazon has amazing customer service. They have quickly and efficiently solved almost every order problem I’ve ever had. They have even jumped in to help handle errors with products sold by 3^rd party sellers on their site. Recently, I was having trouble with one of the items in my baby registry. There was incorrect pricing and a long shipping delay. After speaking with their registry department about the trouble I was having, they agreed to adjust the price and provide a shipping workaround. Why? Because I asked.

Local Gymnastics Club

My stepdaughter asked to sign up for gymnastics this season, with the intention of trying out for cheerleading next year. Two weeks into the paid-for 8 week session, she made the decision that she did not want to do it anymore (TEENS!). I was hesitant to ask about this one because their policy was not to refund any classes within a session because they offer a trial. But, I politely asked if it was possible, especially since both of my youngest children also take tumbling classes there and any credit could be applied to their accounts. And here again, the answer was yes.

*****

While I have had a lot of success with this financial habit, it does not always work. I just inquired about a pair of toddler shoes from See Kai Run that fell apart after 3 wears (which is very unusual, See Kai Run is one of my favorite brands). In this case, the representative said there was nothing they could do because I’d bought them well in advance and the one-year warranty had passed. Another time I emailed a toy company to ask if there were parts I could purchase for an item bought secondhand. Unfortunately, they no longer manufactured that particular toy.

But the point is, that I have established the simple habit of asking. It works more often than not, and frequently takes less than 5 minutes of my time to look up a website, grab a customer service email, and shoot off a quick note.

Now there are lots of reasons I can think of why people don’t do it. They don’t have time to deal with it. Negotiating is stressful. They don’t want to be a pain. They just feel nervous to ask. Let me tell you: I feel this way, too.

But here’s the kicker. The worst thing that can happen is that they’ll say ‘no.’ And that’s not the end of the world, now, is it?

Best case scenario is you’ve saved yourself some money on a product or service or gotten a solution for something that didn’t work for you.

Now, the next step is to take whatever money you saved and put it aside instead of absorbing it by spending the surplus. But that is a discussion for another day.

Do you do this? If not, what kinds of excuses keep you from asking?

Healthy Eating Is a Journey

September 27, 2017 By Sara M. 17 Comments

Eating healthy seems to be a recurring theme among my family and friends recently:

My sister had a flareup of her major chronic stomach disorder. A friend of mine told me she’d heard that sugar might potentially be more damaging that fat (which I totally believe). Another friend and I were discussing the overwhelming amount of “food rules” we were hearing about: cutting down on dairy, avoiding certain nuts, going gluten-free, etc.

My mind swims with all of the healthy eating trends. I feel inundated by the constant barrage of “eat this” and “don’t eat that.” “This is good for you” and “this is terrible for you.” How do you eat that? Is _______ still a part of your diet?

I feel panicked that I need to stop everything and rethink my eating habits. But then I remember how far I’ve come. I remember how far we’ve come as a family.

Eating healthfully is about progress not perfection.

Over the past 10 years, I’ve been on a journey to improve my eating habits.

Soda & High Calorie Beverages

The first major change was cutting out soda. Between the high sugar content, calories, and the chemicals found in common sodas, I decided it had to go. I learned to substitute for seltzer when I still craved that bubbly taste. And even that evolved, when I switched from drinking seltzer with sodium and synthetic sweeteners to a brand with no sodium and natural flavoring.

Fast Food

Next to go was high calorie, super salty fast food. I realized that in order to make food as cheaply as they do, fast food chains must use pretty low quality ingredients. Plus, the very nature of fast food really encouraged me to eat on the run, which lead to unconscious eating and poor digestion. I make two exceptions, Panera Bread (although I am cutting back due to high calorie content) and a quick pre-packaged sandwich from places like Starbucks. I am also very likely to stop for a yogurt or a granola bar to tide me over until I can get home for a real meal.

Alcohol

Then we began drinking less. In addition to the useless calories, I was also turned off by the fact that alcohol turns into sugar in your body. And as I’ve aged, I have definitely become less tolerant of large quantities of alcohol. A second glass of wine has been known to give me a hangover, no matter how much water I drink.

Red Meat

Cutting back on red meat was tough, but all of the evidence was pointing to the fact that Americans eat way too much. I can go a few days without red meat, but my body really craves it if I go any longer than that. Even cutting back to 2 or 3 times a week is a huge improvement for our family. One added bonus was a reduction in our grocery bill as red meats can really add up.

Pre-Packaged Foods

We worked to reduce our consumption of pre-packaged foods. This one is hard to balance because it takes time to prepare foods from scratch. I am a SAHM now, but if I went back to work full time, we’d really need to figure out how to continue this habit. Occasional exceptions to the rule include: pre-made ravioli, baked beans, Kraft macaroni & cheese, etc.

Added Sugar

Sugar is EVERYWHERE! This was is really hard to do since it seems that most products have added sugar. And sometimes even switching to sugar free was difficult because we were so used the taste of certain things with sugar. Some of the big ones have been low sugar yogurt, sugar-free peanut butter, and sugar-free tomato sauce. If we choose a product that has sugar we opt for one that uses real sugar as opposed to high fructose corn syrup. We also avoid artificial sweeteners due to their high chemical content and questionable effects on the body.

Full Fat Dairy

I read a study review years ago that highlighted that the common recommendation of switching to low fat dairy products due to curb obesity concerns was actually having the opposite effect. The body does better consuming full fat products, because a) fat isn’t as bad as we thought, and b) consuming full fat allows us to feel fuller faster as opposed to being deceptively empty from reduced fat content. As a result, we’ve switched to full fat dairy wherever available (although some categories are difficult).

Protein Portion

We realized we were eating way too much meat and that oftentimes meat was the main focus of the meal. Instead, we are making some vegetarian meals, as well as cutting back the meat to a much smaller percentage of the whole meal.

Organic Foods

As we’ve had more expendable incomes, we have slowly been able to switch to more and more organic products, especially meats, dairy, and produce. Not yet at 100% organic, our goal is to continue to improve in this area, especially as more products become available and the cost decreases with demand.

*****

Actually writing this list helps me realize just how far we’ve come. And I know that we will continue to adjust and make improvements over time. Eating right is an important theme in our lives and we will continue to learn from new research and trends.

It is important to consider that trends aren’t always right (as in the trend to eat sugar as opposed to fats) and that many people (and companies!) have an agenda when it comes to espousing food rules. They are trying to profit in some way by encouraging changes in your eating habits.

So, before I give up cheese (gasp!) or bread (gluten) or anything else, or allow myself to get stressed over the endless rules being tossed about, I will stop and remember how much progress I’ve made from the girl who used to live on Ramen noodles and the McDonald’s dollar menu.

It’s a journey, like most health related habits. It’s impractical, (virtually impossible) to expect to change everything at once.

Why Our Coffee Habit Needed an Overhaul

August 2, 2017 By Sara M. 5 Comments

This is not a sponsored post.

We used to be very typical coffee consumers. With both my husband and I working from home, we easily consumed a 10-12 cup pot each day.

But my husband’s intense stomach pain put an end to that. He was having episodes of stomach spasms that were so bad he would throw up or not be able to eat. We finally sought help from a gastroenterologist, and it was determined that he’d need a scope so the doctor could see what was going on in my husband’s stomach.

And that’s when he found some serious damage in both the stomach and the esophagus caused by high acidity (and stress). And it was a major wake-up call for us.

Along with a dose of super strength Prilosec, we began to get an education on the types of foods and beverages that were contributing to an acidic diet. And coffee was high on the list.

We began looking into coffees with lower acidity and stumbled upon the concept of shade grown coffee. Coffee was typically a plant that flourished in the shade of other trees until the commercial coffee industry created strains that were able to withstand the heat of direct sunlight. This allowed for coffee to be grown at higher rates in order to keep up with increased consumption. But shade grown coffee has about half the acid compared with conventional coffee.

This led us to Camano Island Coffee Roasters. In addition to being shade grown and therefore having lower acidity, their coffee is also organic, fair-trade, and high quality (top 1%). I am willing to pay a little extra for beans that are fair-trade, putting the focus on sustainable farming and fair wages for growers.

Here is a referral link for this coffee – $20 off your first coffee club order!

We recently made another change, and that was switching to half-caffeinated coffee. While we had already limited our coffee consumption to 2 cups each per day, we realized that we could lower our acid intake yet again by limiting the caffeine. I realize this is not for everyone, but I was also trying to remove the crutch of relying on caffeine to get me moving. I get much more out of a quick power nap that the rush and crash of drinking too much caffeine. I also want to be much more aware of my body’s needs than relying on a coffee to keep me stimulated.

You might ask ‘why not just give up coffee completely?’ Truth be told, we just aren’t ready yet. Coffee, for us, represents a chance to relax in the morning, collecting our thoughts and planning our days. So, maybe, one day we’ll give it up for good, but for now it’s still a really pleasant morning ritual.

Because we work from home, we like to grind and brew fresh coffee every morning. I love our coffee pot because it brews directly into a stainless steel carafe that keeps the coffee hot all day. For a special treat, I use a milk frother to make my favorite coffee drinks.

Coffee consumption is increasingly popular in our culture these days, demonstrated by the regularity of posts on the topic. I am curious to know if you are considering making changes to your coffee habit?

Do You Ever Really Let Yourself Go?

June 14, 2017 By Sara M. 10 Comments

And I don’t mean in the sense that you forego makeup and wear pajamas all day. What I mean is do you ever really just let loose, totally engross yourself in the moment, or forget about your stressors or to-do list?

I have been thinking about this a lot recently. I find that I am habitually tense. Without even realizing it, I hold my breath for extended periods of time. I sleep tucked in a protective ball and many nights I wake up sore from clenching my teeth and my fists. My mind is so cluttered that it takes constant effort to tune out my own mental soundtrack when someone else is talking to me. I mean, I try to catch the most important details, but I am often focused on what I have to do next. Most of the time I am not even aware that I am doing it.

I am constantly evaluating what I should be doing: How can I multitask to get more done? How can I effectively fit all the pieces of my life together in the most optimized way?

The problem is I am never fully relaxed. Even when I’ve chosen to take the time to do something fun, I feel the pressures weighing me down, occupying my mental space. Stealing from the moment in present time.

It’s so easy for me to get into a mode of feeling like taking a break is a waste of time. My default setting is to just assume that I am machine-like, going and going and never needing a break because there is always just one more thing to do. And somehow if I just push harder, I can get it all done.

But I am not a machine. My mind and body get worn down from the constant pressure I heap on myself. And even though I do sit down to play a game with my family or watch a movie at the end of the night, I worry that I’m not fully letting myself enjoy the moment.

This topic was on my mind before we left for our babymoon, but being on vacation definitely highlighted the difference. It was so much easier to “let myself go” when I was not in my house surrounded by the visual to-do list and I didn’t have the constant work of minding the kids. I think that my personality has a lot to do with my tendency for seriousness and tension, but adding the responsibility of caring for my young children has definitely made it worse. It’s a combination of the constancy of paying attention to the kids as well as the endless tasks associated with their upkeep.

And then at my worst moments, I wonder what is it that I am so stressed about anyways? I lived a pretty charmed life. I am a stay at home mom. We have decent finances so I don’t feel pressured to go back to work. I get help with the kids for several hours per week (hired because we don’t have a support network). Our family life is going well (we get along and the kids are pretty well behaved). So, what’s with all the stress? I keep going back to the idea that it seems to be just my default reaction to all of the tasks I have to do. Even things that are not that big of a deal in the scheme of life (nobody would die if I didn’t do them) just feel stressful.

And holding onto this great big cloud of stress at all times is preventing me from truly relaxing when I do get the opportunity. Which in turn, feeds the stress monster, making it harder for me to ever let it go.

I wonder how many other people feel the same way? Have you found that parenthood has heaped a sizable amount of stress onto you? Are you able to compartmentalize your to-do list and really let yourself go when the opportunity arises?