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To Babymoon or Not to Babymoon?

May 27, 2017 By Sara M. 2 Comments

The answer: It depends.

I was never a big believer in the whole concept of a babymoon. But that had a lot to do with our unique circumstances, the way our relationship unfolded. We were together for 5 years before we got married so we had plenty of time to enjoy spending time as a couple before adding a child. We were older when we got married (think 30+) so both of us had also had our fill of young solo activities, rest and relaxation, etc. To top it off, we were averaging at least one vacation per year anyways, so we were not starving for romance or getaways. And even if you know from our story that my husband already had his daughter, we only had her part time back then so it wasn’t difficult to carve out time for ourselves.

So, when we got pregnant with our daughter in March of 2012, we didn’t plan a “babymoon.”

But over time, things have changed. We took having our daughter pretty much in stride, despite the fact that she was not an easy baby. Our relationship definitely took a toll from the constant demands of those early parenting years. By the time our son was born, 2 years later, and despite our best intentions, our relationship was in a rough patch. Looking back, our friction was compounded by the fact that we had no support network. We rarely got the chance for any child-free time, let alone a healthy regular break. We had taken only 1 short child-free trip in the 4.5 years we’ve been raising children together and the purpose of that trip was to visit family, so while it was fun, it was also not centered around us.

In the 2 years since our son was born, we made huge strides in prioritizing our relationship. We hired sitters for date nights and even occasionally went out for date breakfast when the kids were in daycare. Anything to keep up our relationship in our new hectic, child-monopolized world.

beachSo, when we decided to have our third child, it occurred to me that a babymoon would be a great way to reconnect as husband and wife. We had already done a ton of groundwork, hence the decision to have another child, but a special vacation would signify our commitment to each other. Especially since we were both fully aware of the strain a new baby can put on a marriage.

Even under the best circumstances, it is common for the relationship to take a short hiatus to make room for the new bundle of joy.

Having just returned from our babymoon, I can tell you it was totally right for us. With my pregnancy in mind, we planned a totally laid-back resort style vacation. We placed high emphasis on resting, that included sleeping most of the first day with the exception of getting midday lunch and massages. We made it a point to do everything that we wouldn’t normally get to do at home:

  • wake up naturally (no kids for alarms!)
  • take naps
  • read
  • talk about grownup topics (without interruptions)
  • meet new people
  • go out for romantic dinners

I’ve always been really hesitant to leave the kids for an extended period of time, but now at 2.5 and 4.5 they did really well without us. Which was a relief.

So, back to the original question. To babymoon or not? Before you make a decision based on the babymoon trend, take a moment to consider your personal factors.

How is your relationship going?

Have you filled up your romance tank in preparation for a new baby?

Do you have a good support network, allowing for regular child-free outings?

Do you feel comfortable leaving your children with a caregiver?

Are you at a good point in your pregnancy for a vacation?

 

I think one of the things that made our trip so special was that it had been so long since we had taken a solo vacation. We reminisced about all of the fun vacations we took prior to having kids and we were both just so grateful to have a break and the chance to be with each other. Uninterrupted. Without deadlines and rushing and the general hectic nature of everyday life with littles. To say the least, it definitely added to our Sanity Plan.

Want to learn more about creating a Sanity Plan for yourself? Click here.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: babymoon, marriage, pregnancy, relationships, vacation

Why I Became a Snowbird in My 30’s

January 26, 2017 By Sara M. 34 Comments

If you had told me even 5 years ago that I would become a snowbird in my 30’s, I would have laughed. I have never particularly been fond of Florida because of the intense summer heat. And yet, here I am in Florida for our 3rd extended winter trip with my entire family of 5.

We didn’t plan to become snowbirds, we stumbled our way into it. The choice was mostly driven by my husband, whose moods were majorly impacted by the characteristically cold and dreary winters of the Northeast. He craved sunshine and warm weather to help him feel better.

With this in mind, we began planning vacations to sunny locales at the peak of winter in an effort to combat some of his melancholy. This would work, but we realized that just one week or even 10 days was not enough time to truly relax and recharge. It took several days to be able to wind down from our busy schedules and lives back home, and before we knew it we were headed back into the cold. Not to mention the incredible expense of taking our whole family on vacation to tropical destinations.

Finally, we realized that because we both held remote work positions, there was nothing stopping us from working from anywhere we pleased. I can still remember the day our discussion led us to this idea, standing in the kitchen discussing the possibilities and saying “why not?”

At first, we researched rentals in the Caribbean, but eliminated them because of the incredible expense to fly there and rent a car, in addition to paying inflated prices for meals and entertainment. We were also concerned about reliable internet connectivity.

That’s how we landed in Florida. It was as far south as we could go on the East Coast and still remain in the US. We could drive our own vehicle and bring some of our own belongings. We would remain in somewhat familiar territory with US based systems and routines.

Identifying ourselves as snowbirds came from our very first trip. The amount of teasing we received was not small. Eyebrows were raised. It was the topic de jour. “So, y’all are snowbirds?” became a familiar line. It was pretty much unheard for a young family to spend an extended period of time in Florida during the winter. The snowbird title typically belonged to retired folks, not newly married folks with toddlers in tow.

I have to admit I was pretty reluctant at first. I was worried about being able to maintain my job remotely (even more remotely, no longer within driving distance of my office) while juggling the children. It was a little harder, but doable because my husband jumped in to help me balance. My husband’s consultancy, while Northeast based, was surprisingly portable. He could easily return home for business meetings or tradeshows, but every other aspect of his business could be handled via phone, email, or fax (forwarded to email).

It turns out that I didn’t need to worry about work for our subsequent trips, as I was part of a mass layoff while pregnant with my son. That year we came down right after I delivered him, and I was able to recover with our newborn in the warmer climate.

The benefits for our family are immeasurable. The sunshine lifted all of our spirits incredibly (even mine, and I hadn’t considered myself affected by the bleak winters). The warm weather helped us get more active, as opposed to being holed up inside due to the cold. Our bodies reset to a more summer styled appetite, allowing us to eat lighter and healthier. More typically seasonal foods were available like avocados and oranges, and being close to the water increased the availability of fish to eat.

The most surprising element of all? We were more productive. We got more done during those periods than we would typically do at home during the winter. We’ve spent some time trying to narrow down the exact cause, but mostly attribute it to an overall increase in health and wellness, with a better balance of work and play. We took time every day to swim or hit the park or find an adventure. When we sat down to work in shorter bursts, we were more focused and successful.

I realize this is not an option for everyone, and yes, we feel very fortunate. It’s expensive, but probably not as much as you might think. Renting a house is often less expensive per night than a hotel, and we don’t have to take the time off from work because we bring our work with us. We’re willing to forego traditional vacations because this kind of hybrid vacation has done more for us in terms of lasting benefits. But we didn’t always think it could be a reality for us, either. We evaluated our scenario, and dared to push past traditional boundaries in order to find a solution that worked for our Sanity Plan.

 

A lot have things have changed since I wrote this post now that I have two school-aged children, click here for my latest update.

Filed Under: Work/Life Tagged With: balance, Florida, hybrid vacation, mental health, relaxation, SAD, sanity plan, snow bird, sunshine, vacation

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Welcome to THE SANITY PLAN! Here you will find my attempts to restore order in my crazy life post kids. I'm just getting started & I have a lot to say. So far I've written a lot about my perspectives on parenting (sorry, it's where I am at), but I'd love it if you followed my journey to improve my habits, get more organized, redefine my career, and generally live a good life. Or, you can follow just for the entertainment, I promise there will be lots of that. Do you want to learn more about building A Sanity Plan?

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