toddlers Archives - TheSanityPlan

8 Products for Encouraging Your Child’s Independence

April 6, 2017 By Sara M. 9 Comments

It must be so hard being little! I have watched my children go through so many phases, but one thing in particular stands out to me. They have ALWAYS wanted to do so much more for themselves. Long before they are even capable of accomplishing a task, they want to give it a shot.

It is this determination that has often made me think about how I can help them to be able to do more for themselves. We’ve tried tons of products for kids in the past four years, but the following items really made a difference in terms of our children learning to be more self-sufficient.

Grippy Bowls

These brightly colored bowls have a rubber gasket on the bottom that keep the bowl stable while little ones are learning to feed themselves. The shape of the bowl/lip also help to push food onto the spoon for less spill offs.

Sippy Cups

I’ve gotten many, many different types of sippy cups and my favorites are these. They are the only ones that are as close to no spill as possible. I mean, it will spill if thrown violently to the floor (which happens on occasion) but otherwise spill proof and not subject to leaking with pressure changes like other models.

EZ Socks

I can’t take credit for this one. My sister actually found these socks and gave them to my daughter as a gift. And I’ve since bought several sets for my son as well. The little loops on the sides are much easier for a toddler to grab than trying to use the sides of a typical sock. If the look of the loops bother you, they are actually easy to tuck in.

Seatbelt Buckle Holders

It’s hard enough for me as an adult to reach over the booster seat for my daughter to get her seatbelt buckled. I was skeptical about this product at first, but it holds the buckle pretty firmly, making it easier for my daughter to be able to get the latch in by herself.

Removable Potty Seats

As you probably know, there are tons of potty seats available. We chose this particular version because we wanted one that was fully removable, had handles on both sides, and had a splatter guard in the front. It is also antimicrobial, which is a plus.

Stools

We have four different types stools in our house. Yes, FOUR. Stools are one of the easiest ways for little people to be able to participate more in their environment. In the kitchen, I wanted stools that were on the larger side (large surface area), very stable (rubber feet), lightweight (so the kids can move them), tall enough (two steps), and flush with the counter (to avoid leaning). After experimenting with several versions, here is my favorite that met these requirements.

For around the house, in bathrooms, etc., I like to use these folding stools. I wanted something that was tall enough that they could use it to get on the toilet or reach the sink and wanted it to be able to be stowed away easily. In addition to Amazon, I seen this model at both grocery stores and Walmart. My only word of caution on these is that there is a risk of pinching when a child (or adult) is trying to unfold the stool – this part should be supervised.

Coat Rack

Any coat rack or multipurpose hooks would work, but the trick is to install it low so that the little ones can reach it to hang up their own coats. This idea is also great for additional belongings like lunch bags and are great for use in their own rooms as well.

Hands Free Faucet

Warning! This one’s a bit extravagant. That said, I will personally never go back to using a non-hands free faucet. I love the fact that I can turn it on with a clean part of my arm when my hands are full of chicken goop. When it comes to the kids, even with a stool it is still hard for them to reach most faucet handles and control the temperature. They have mastered the touch function and have also learned the color red/purple/blue codes for temperature, which warns them if the water is too hot. Really great product.

Have you found any other great products that help your children to be more self-sufficient? I am always interested in hearing your ideas.

TheSanityPlan is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. All products recommended are used personally by us and opinions about them are our own

Please Don’t Apologize For Your Kids Acting Up

November 19, 2016 By Sara M. 15 Comments

My girlfriend and her toddler son stayed over at our house this past weekend. And her son was pretty cranky. He was obviously thrown off by being in a strange place. He cried and clung to her every time he saw her. It was difficult for him to sleep. He was into everything because we no longer have much babyproofing, especially for the stairs. We were so elated to be free of baby gates that we didn’t even have any to throw up quickly to block our staircases.

As the weekend went on, all of these things were really getting to her, and she kept apologizing for his “behavior.” She kept saying that he usually isn’t like this. And my husband and I kept trying to convince her that it was okay, totally fine with us. “Hey, we have kids, we understand.” But you could just tell that she was really struggling with being able to let it go.

Here’s the thing that I couldn’t quite make her understand:

I LOVE it when other people’s kids act up.

I’m serious. Whining, crying, screaming, clinging, willful, fussy, and sleepless (well, maybe I am not *totally* okay with waking us up in the middle of the night, we do have our limits).

Why do I LOVE it, you ask?

Because 9 times out of 10, it’s me feeling the way she did. Embarrassed that my kids aren’t acting right. Too loud. Too rowdy. Too rude. Feeling like I have to apologize for them and for my apparent lack of control.

I am so relieved to see that my kids are not the only ones that throw epic tantrums when they don’t get their way.

It brings it front and center that other people’s kids aren’t perfect either. Which is something I often need reminding of, because most of the time I am comparing my poorly behaved children to everyone else’s perfect little spawn.

I need to be reminded that everything I see on Facebook and at the occasional well timed get-togethers aren’t the every day.

I can guarantee you that I am not annoyed that you have to keep getting up and interrupting our conversation to go pull your son down from halfway up the stairs. I LOVE to see willful behavior in action, because I am mostly convinced that both of my children have oppositional defiance disorder.

I am not even remotely upset to hear him crying half of the day. My son screamed almost every day for the first year. Before this weekend, I wasn’t even sure that your son ever cried. Now I know.

You were so frustrated that he didn’t go down for his nap like at home. You had to trek upstairs every few minutes to remind him it was bedtime and to LAY DOWN. I am now sufficiently over how jealous I was when we took our infant sons out for lunch. Remember how your son slept peacefully in his carrier for 2 hours with his little sound machine while mine threw food all over the floor and refused to sit in his high chair? Envy doesn’t even begin to describe how I was feeling that day.

So, please don’t apologize when your kid acts up. When I see him mashing his little body against your legs and screaming at the top of his lungs for you to pick him up, I can breathe a sigh of relief. That my children aren’t the monsters that I am convinced they are.

Really, I am not just placating you or trying to relieve your mom guilt about your child annoying us. I am so glad to see that your kid is not the flawless little angel that I had presumed him to be.

Cry on, little man, it takes the load off my heart.

And next time I am in the middle of the same situation, maybe I’ll feel a little less embarrassed when my kids start their antics. Because I’ll know that sometimes your kids are annoying, too.

The Tantrum “Hangover”

November 2, 2016 By Sara M. 9 Comments

Another day, another tantrum. Just finished publishing a piece on how I am trying not to remember this time as the “dark ages” and then wham, I wake up to this:

My daughter melted down this morning. None of the usual tricks worked. She just got stuck in this very cyclical pattern of repeating herself. “No, I am not going to do that!” “No, I’m not going to my room.” “No, I am not going to calm myself down.” And so on.

And once the train was going, it was gone. The issue? She wanted to bring 3 toys with her to preschool today, which is not allowed. They have already made an exception for her to bring 1 small toy for security, but 3 is just over the top. Imagine the chaos of trying to participate in activities with 3 toys, or one of them getting lost, or even another child trying to play with one of her beloved attachments. CHAOS is only the beginning.

I offered her other solutions: she could either put 2 of her babies in a special place at home where I would keep them safe, or she could put them in her backpack and take them to school but not play with them while she is there. Nothing worked. She told me I didn’t have good solutions.

I tried to hold her calmly in a firm, comforting bear hug. Didn’t work.

I felt lost. After a half hour of listening to her rant on and on, I lost my patience. I told her she needed to make a decision or I would. And that I didn’t want to hear any more about it.

To my surprise, she calmed down and made her decision.

With my daughter, I am always threading that needle of working her through her emotions or trying to talk her down from the ledge. But sometimes I just can’t get through to her. She needs to know what the limits are. And how much everyone else is going to take.

In no time, she was packed up and shipped off to school. Even cheerful and lovey as we parted ways.

And me? I’m a wreck. I feel as though I have an emotional hangover. My heart hurts; I feel totally bummed. I can’t stand starting the day this way. Listening to her tantrum, losing my own patience, and raising my voice. It feels like we’ve ruined the record we were setting of tantrum free days.

In the midst of my misery, my husband calls. I don’t like venting to him about this because I don’t want to weigh him down – but as I talked, his words cut through my misery with complete clarity.

“She’s already well over it, why aren’t you?”

It reads snarky, but it wasn’t at all. He remembered being a kid, having drag out blow out tantrums, and being over it just 15 minutes later.

I was shocked. I never had that experience.

But here I am, 5 hours later, still reeling from the effects of the argument, while it was likely no longer even a thought in her mind.

So, for my future sanity, I am going to take a lesson from the kids’ play book:

When it’s over, I’m going to let it go.

How Will You Remember Their Childhood?

November 1, 2016 By Sara M. 27 Comments

“I just don’t want to look back on this time as the Dark Ages,” I tell my good friend’s wife. A large group of my college classmates and our kids were visiting a traveling farm last fall.

She sighed, “You probably will.”

This was the hardest thing for me to hear. My son was 8 months old at the time, and my daughter was 2 ¾. I was flying solo for that trip because my husband was away for business. I was a mess. Overwhelmed and exhausted, barely speaking coherent sentences. Trying to manage a willful toddler and a cranky baby.

Out with my classmates, I could barely even remember us all doing our MBAs. Only 6 years had passed but it felt like an eternity. Motherhood had changed everything.

As my son now approaches 2, and my daughter 4, things are so much better. She has improved both socially and emotionally, and she is much more willing to follow instructions and get along. My son is finally crying less, and trying to communicate his needs with words. We’ve settled into a workable routine.

But those words are still echoing through my mind. In 5 years or 10 years, am I still going to be plagued by the difficulty of these early years with my son? Am I going to feel like it was the worst time of my life? Am I going to carry the weight of this deep guilt for falling apart at such a precious time?

I think I easily could. But I don’t want to. I don’t want the film of negativity to color what I remember about my babies’ youngest years. Yes, I will probably always know that it was hard for both my husband and I, an early babyhood gauntlet.

But there has been so much more that I have to work to bring to mind.

I am reminded when I go through pictures of all the fun times we’ve had together. Going to the zoo and feeding the giraffes. Going to the beach and building sand castles. My husband and I taking them to swim classes together.

Or painting with water colors outside when it was warm.

Or running around in the rain and jumping in puddles.

Or the times I bundled them up to go play outside in the snow, and they had so much fun that they barely felt the cold.

What about reading to them every single night? And how I slowed down to read at their pace, patiently answered questions, and engaged in endless side stories.

What about all of the conversations we’ve had? About silly things and serious things and everything in between. And poop, lots of poop.

What about the times I chased them around the kitchen island until we were all dizzy and they were squealing with delight? I can still hear their infectious laughter.

What about the late night and early morning snuggles? When I found their perfect tickle spots or blew raspberries on their sweet, soft bellies.

And the nursing? I am fond of the time I spent nursing my babies. Dutifully waking through the night to feed them, or before the dawn when they began to sleep longer.

So no, I will not call it the Dark Ages. That is not the right way to remember this season. I will not add stack upon stack of guilt to weigh down the beauty of my babies’ childhood. Yes, it was hard. Yes, I have cried out of frustration and exhaustion.

But I’ve been a mom, a good mom. With a big heart, and lots of love. For every correction, there has been double the amount of warmth and praise. For every difficult time, there were double the experiences of exploration and wonder.

I will remind myself of the goodness, the sweetness, and the simplest joys. The times where my true self shone through. I will let the sleepless nights and the tantrums slip away. I will engrave the good memories onto my heart to remember for always.

How will you look back on this period of motherhood? What will you choose?

Setting Your Child Up to Win

October 20, 2016 By Sara M. 6 Comments

There is a fine line that we navigate as parents. It is a constant burden, a constant source of self-evaluation due to the heavy weight to our choices.

If we are too hard on our kids will that ruin them? What if we are too soft on them instead? The biggest problem is that we will never know. There is simply no one “correct” way to parent a child. Because all parents are unique as individuals, then unique as a parenting unit, and each child is unique as well. There are no right answers.

So, when it comes to our super smart, super strong willed, overly emotional and overly reactive 4-year-old daughter, my husband and I **occasionally** disagree on how to parent her.

I can still remember being in a retail store with her many years ago. The man who was helping my sister and I pointed out how well-spoken my daughter was. It led to further conversation, and I solicited his one piece of advice for a child like her. Simply put, it was

“Put her in situations where she will win.”

This advice had quite an impact on me, and I do my best to follow it. However, the flip side of this is that I often take ownership for my daughter’s misbehavior if I have mistakenly put her in a situation where she cannot “win.” This happens more often than I would like.

For example, she had a meltdown at the zoo today. The timing of our arrival was getting close to when she needed a nap, and even though we had driven an hour to get there, she hadn’t been tired enough to fall asleep. The zoo (crafty retailers that they are) made you walk through the gift shop in order to go inside, and she decided that she just couldn’t wait to get a toy until the end. I held my ground firm on “no,” because I hate to set a precedent like that. But once she started having a tantrum, there was no talking her down. I removed her from the store and told her that if she was going to have a fit, I would not buy it for her even at the end. It took her a minute or so and then she was able to calm down and move on.

I toiled quite a bit over it. I knew she was tired, and it would have been more ideal if I had organized an earlier time to meet. However, that would have been a difficult time for my younger son so I did the best I could. I did bend a little by still letting her have the toy after our visit because she did calm herself down, even though I would have preferred a quicker response. I compensated for the fact that I didn’t put her in a situation where she would naturally win.

My husband sees this differently, and I can see the validity of his perspective as well. He believes that a child should be expected to behave well despite whether they are tired, hungry, in a bad mood, etc. Whereas, I am sometimes too quick to jump in and give our children a pass based on one of those reasons. He will often say,

“I don’t really care what the reason is, I still expect them not to hit, kick, scream, melt down, etc.”

As with most things, I think the answer lies somewhere in the middle. When you can, put your child in a situation where they will naturally succeed. And when you can’t (which is guaranteed), you still need to place certain expectations on their behavior based on their stage of development. That may mean that you cannot expect an almost four-year-old to take being told “no” without any negative response. That some level of crying and unhappiness at not getting what she wants is normal, but you can be impressed by her ability to calm down faster than she used to. And, give her bonus points for being able to push through her missed nap and still have an enjoyable day.

In a Rut with the Kids? Switch It Up

September 22, 2016 By Sara M. 1 Comment

It is so easy to get stuck in a rut with the kids. Routines are very comforting for young children. But with my kids, spicing things up keeps them stimulated and engaged. Bored = bad in my house.

Here are some of my favorite tactics:

Is that a HAT?

This is a very goofy looking game I played with my children. It was particularly great for situations where I didn’t have a lot of toys or distractions available, such as waiting in a doctor’s office or going on a long car ride (not to perform while driving). You’ll love the simplicity – I literally would just grab anything available, put it on my head, and ask,

“Is that a hat?”

Even when the kiddos were super young, they would look quizzically at me, not entirely sure about it but they certainly knew that the object did not belong on my head. Craziest thing I ever used? My daughter, who made a terribly squirmy hat.

I guess this could also explain why my children like to balance a variety of objects on their own heads. Very entertaining.

Do Something Usual in an Unusual Place

I can’t take all the credit for this one; it was inspired by my interpretation of something I read when my daughter was young (back when I had time to read).

Best example of this eating lunch. The lunchtime routine can get a bit old. Typical lunch foods, typical food games, typical mess. Try switching it up.

Have a picnic. In nice weather, schlep the whole meal out to the backyard on a blanket in the grass or even better, take it to the park. Don’t have enough time? Just sit out on the back steps. And when the weather doesn’t cooperate, have an inside picnic on the floor in a room other than the kitchen.

For this same reason, I occasionally allow my daughter to sleep in a pile of blankets on the floor instead of in her bed. It just gives her an extra incentive to go to bed when it’s a little different from the normal routine.

Try a Change of Scenery

This is a slightly different variation of the above. I have set up many different play stations in my house (much to my husband’s dismay) for this purpose.

Sometimes I’ve noticed that the kids get bored if you keep pushing them to play in one particular location with one particular set of toys. When I notice this happening, I encourage them to go to play at a different play station. I might run upstairs with them and get them started playing together in one of their rooms. Or, I have a small basket of their books in our living room. I will suggest that they check out a book in there for some wind down time.

Right now, we are going through a tough time with our 20-month old son who hates to be left on his own to play, so this concept helps reignite his interest by directing him to a new set of toys in a different location.

Do you use any of these tactics? How do you keep your kids engaged in activity long enough to do some work or chores?

Your Kids Are Doing the Best They Can

September 12, 2016 By Sara M. 10 Comments

Hanging out with little kids all day, it is easy to get frustrated with challenging or difficult behavior. I speak from experience, having been a teen when my siblings were young and now having an almost 2 and 4-year-old of my own.

This past year has taken my stress level to epic proportions as both of them are working to assert their will. The Little Man, at 20 months, is struggling with continuing to scream for things instead of speaking the words he can. He is demonstrating even more forcefully that he NEVER EVER wants to have his diaper or his clothes changed. And coming in from outside results in window shattering screams.

Our daughter, at almost 4, is also tough. Very sharp and very challenging. Best way to describe her is that her emotional capabilities have not caught up to her mental capabilities. She wants to do what she wants to do now, and there will be a tantrum if things don’t go her way.

One way of thinking that has proved very helpful for me is remembering that your child is doing the best that they can. This is not a natural thought for me. Most of the time, it feels like they are acting out on purpose, testing me, challenging, and simply trying to get their way.

That’s the key – they are doing all of those things.

And THAT is the best that they can do.

THAT is what they are supposed to be doing.

Meltdowns & Tantrums

Consider an example. My daughter at almost 4, had a meltdown the other day because I wouldn’t let her color before getting dressed for school. I had already conceded to allowing her a glass of milk before getting dressed, and she had agreed to do it afterwards. When she asked to color, I told her “no” and reminded her that she had agreed to get dressed. Immediately, I could see her dig in. Tears of anger came to her eyes and she was escalating. I tried again to calmly remind her but I could not stop the train. She started screaming and spewing “nasties” and I sent her to her room to work it out. As awful as it is, this is where she is at. This is her skill level at this time. She has not developed the emotional control needed to remain calm when she doesn’t get what she wants or the patience and logic to see that she will get to color after she does her obligations.

Even when a child behaves “badly,” they are doing the best that they can. That doesn’t make it right. That doesn’t mean that we must allow certain behaviors to continue. What it means is that there are certain limitations still in play developmentally, and additional time and coaching are needed to correct them.

I’m telling you this because I have to remind myself of this ALL THE TIME. Without this perspective, I react with anger and frustration instead of calm understanding of their limitations. This can create a bad cycle because then the kids are reacting to my anger instead of focusing on the lesson that they must learn.

Beyond Childhood

This perspective can be applied to adults as well. The way people choose to behave (good and bad) is a result of their personality, upbringing, and life experiences. I encounter grownups all the time whose actions make me stop and scratch my head. I have to remember that I am viewing their behaviors through my own framework of how adults should act, as opposed to looking at it from their point of view.

You might see people making poor decisions on how they spend their money or prioritize their time. You might see people who act aggressively on the road or act rudely to wait staff in a restaurant over something minor. You might encounter a boss who takes credit for your work or a coworker who throws you under a bus in order to get ahead. These examples demonstrate some true limitations in character, self-control, self-awareness, and work ethic. It’s where they are at. Not to be tolerated when it impacts you, of course, but it helps to remember that people are the product of their lives. And that is their problem, not yours.

Have you tried this or a similar mantra for being patient with your children? Do you know any adults who still act like toddlers sometimes?

A Different Back to School Story

September 3, 2016 By Sara M. 2 Comments

I took my daughter, who is almost 4, back to daycare today after being off for the summer. I stayed to observe while she played on the playground with her class and got accustomed to the kids and the teachers. Then I coaxed her to join the line the rest of her class had made. They all walked obediently into the room, and it was then that I noticed her face.

She looked absent and worried, standing slightly offset to the line. It was so easy to see that she was so overwhelmed by the commotion. She was so deeply removed that it took me calling her name 3 times to say goodbye before she noticed. It hurt me so much to watch her suffer.

I drove home with a heavy heart. I brooded about it all day and overnight, and decided that if she hated school we would pull her out yet again. This decision was solidified by her difficult behavior at home that evening and the next morning. She was overly emotional and defiant. In the morning, she dug her heels in about getting dressed causing the whole morning routine to take more than two hours. I thought for sure we’d have a fight about going to school.

But there was no fight.

When we arrived at school, I was shocked to hear her say:

“Is this my school? I love this school!”

And she threw off her seat belt to get out.

She loves her school?! Her overwhelming, 20 kids to a class, 2 new teachers, school filled with colors and chaos and noise.

And then something clicked for me. A wise person recently told me that we can love something and still be overwhelmed by it at the same time. I experience this all the time in my own life. I love going to the city for the day. I feel stimulated by the sights and sounds and people. I jump at the opportunity to go. But when the stimulation wears off, I need time to wind down. I need to rest. I need to let my senses return to normal in my own private, quiet, and comfortable place.

She is no different. And it will be my job as her parent to encourage her to explore those opportunities that stimulate her, while teaching her how to regulate her emotions when they are over. I will teach her how to take a quiet moment for herself, sit outside on the porch, read a story on the couch, or snuggle in my lap.

I will teach her to enjoy the best of both worlds.

The “No” Jar & The “Hard Time” Bucket

September 1, 2016 By Sara M. Leave a Comment

Do you have a Toddler who loves to say no? To everything? Before you even get the chance to fully lay out their options?

Well, I do. And given my luck I have another one with the same tendencies barreling through to terrible two’s as we speak.

In fact, the girl loves to say “no” so much that when we teased her about it being her favorite word, she replied, “No, it’s not.” Um, okay, righto.

The “No” Jar

That’s when I began to collect her “no’s”. Every time she told me no, I told her I was going to take that no and save it. I explained that when she asks me for something later, I was going to give it back to her. You should have seen the look on her face as she mulled it over. And to my surprise, she actually decided to take it back and do what I was asking her to do.

I had finally found a tactic that reduced some of the blatant, heel digging in, tantrum preparation behavior that consistently wears me down.

Now, one point to mention, is that Little Girl has a big imagination so she was easily able to understand my verbal explanation. But here is how I would vary it if your little one doesn’t get it at first. Try actually grabbing the “no” out of the air and stick it in a jar. If that still doesn’t do the trick, try writing it down on a piece of paper instead.

Need a portable solution? Pretend that you are putting the “no” in your pocket.

The “Hard Time” Bucket

Now for the Hard Time Bucket. Same principles as above but instead of “no” it’s for generally giving a hard time. For Little Girl, it can be going to bed or stopping a movie so that we can eat dinner. Now we’ve gotten to the point that I can simply remind her that she’s giving me a hard time, and the next time she wants something, I will DEFINITELY be giving her a hard time about it. Works like a charm! Good luck with your toddler negotiations!

Sanity Check: Sometimes it takes stepping back and identifying a particular behavior as a trouble spot. Try several different solutions until you get the result you need. Get creative!

8 Products for Encouraging Your Child’s Independence

Grippy Bowls

Sippy Cups

EZ Socks

Seatbelt Buckle Holders

Removable Potty Seats

Stools

Coat Rack

Hands Free Faucet

Please Don’t Apologize For Your Kids Acting Up

The Tantrum “Hangover”

How Will You Remember Their Childhood?

Setting Your Child Up to Win

In a Rut with the Kids? Switch It Up

Is that a HAT?

Do Something Usual in an Unusual Place

Try a Change of Scenery

Your Kids Are Doing the Best They Can

Meltdowns & Tantrums

Beyond Childhood

A Different Back to School Story

The “No” Jar & The “Hard Time” Bucket

The “No” Jar

The “Hard Time” Bucket

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Stools

Is that a HAT?

Do Something Usual in an Unusual Place

Try a Change of Scenery

Meltdowns & Tantrums

Beyond Childhood

The “No” Jar

The “Hard Time” Bucket

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