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THE SANITY PLAN PRINCIPLES PART 2– Discover Yourself

October 24, 2016 By Sara M. Leave a Comment

Welcome to the part two of The Sanity Plan Principles series. The second principle is:

discoveryourself

What is “Discovering Yourself?”

When you turn your attention inward to study your own thoughts, feelings, motivations, and preferences, you are “discovering yourself.”

Figuring out who we are is a lifelong journey. Partly because the introspection and self-knowledge takes time, and partly because we change so much throughout the course of our lives.

 

How do you “Discover yourself?”

This brings us back to the first principle, Being Present. In order to learn more about ourselves, we must be willing to slow down and listen.
Listen to and acknowledge our own thoughts and feelings.

680x450-blankcanvasAsk yourself questions. Did you notice a particular reaction you had? Ask yourself, “Why did I react that way?”

Pay attention to your habits and preferences. Do you like to do things in a particular order? Why is that?

Do you prefer to do certain things at certain times of day? Why is that?

 

How does “Discovering Ourselves” help us?

Self-knowledge is a powerful tool. Armed with an understanding of yourself, you can make better decisions that more closely align with your needs.

Knowing who you are helps you communicate more clearly in existing relationships. It is also important when developing new relationships in terms of the people you choose and the way you engage them.

Understanding your unique preferences helps you organize your day and your life in a way that best suits you – whether it is the type of work you do, when and how you complete certain tasks, how you orchestrate family/social time, etc.

 

680x450-relax4My experience

As my mother often reminds me, I am on a journey of “self-discovery.” I tend to have a natural tendency towards this as I am very introspective. I am fascinated to learn about my inner workings, and I also enjoy learning about what makes other people tick. It was part of my drive in pursuing a BA in Psychology.

The more I know about myself, the better equipped I am to handle whatever life throws my way. I have identified certain buttons I struggle with, which makes it easier to realize when I am falling back on an old habit or way of thinking. The ability to recognize a self-characteristic is the first step in being able to use tactics to change it or find a creative solution around it.

Not all characteristics are “bad” per se. I have recently discovered that I am a highly sensitive person. While I love to feel and experience, sometimes it can be overwhelming to others. Because I am aware of this in myself and its effect on others, I can control how much of that sensitivity I reveal.

Or, I am very aware of the fact that I do my best work in the morning when I am fresh and my mind is clear. So, I orchestrate my day in a way that I can dedicate that highly focused time to work or creativity.

 

What methods do you use in order to learn more about yourself? How does it help you to restore Sanity in your life?

 

Next principle: Build Your Network

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TheSanityPlan is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. All products recommended are used personally by us and opinions about them are our own.

Filed Under: Self Discovery, Wellbeing Tagged With: basics, mindfulness, mindset, principles, sanity plan, self-discovery

Are You Ready to Dig Deep?

October 5, 2016 By Sara M. 4 Comments

I had a great meeting with my therapist a few weeks ago. I am a huge believer in therapy (it’s a part of my Sanity Plan), and I have been through many different series and styles in my life.

680x450-pensivewomanThe Story

Reflecting on my history of therapy, I have been feeling as though I’ve always addressed my life in fragments. There was typically one triggering event, so I would seek help, and deal with that particular event.

But now that having young children has triggered both old and new issues (don’t all mothers of young children lose their minds?), I decided to sit down and do some work with a counselor on my whole life. I wanted a holistic view of my characteristics, struggles, pain points, and scars. The idea was that this evaluation will better prepare me for the next situation that I encounter, even if it is something I have never navigated.

So, she asked for the list. And boy, there was a list.

I filled up the whole session just rambling off the “stories” of my life. And I could have gone on for hours. A mixture of childhood hurts, abandonment issues, unstable family life, extreme loneliness, betrayal, teen rebellion, bad influences, bad relationships, mental illness, you name it, it’s in there.

I had surprisingly few feelings when rattling off that way in list format. As if all of those things had happened to someone else, instead of me.

The Question

And when I was done, she looked at me very seriously and said,

“What I tell all my patients before embarking on a journey of this kind, is that you need to decide if you are really ready. I mean, really ready.

Because this is going to be hard work.”

She scheduled me for two weeks, and sent me home to think about it.

In all my years of therapy, this was the first time anyone had ever put it to me that way. I mean, it made immediate sense. In the past, it had always been triggered by necessity. But now it was up to me to make a choice to dig down really deep, and come to understand myself in a new way. A holistic way.

So, I pondered it. A lot.

The Answer

450x680-sadbabySurprisingly. My answer was actually “no.” No, I am not ready to tear myself apart and rebuild right now. The biggest reason is the kids. They need me right now, they need me to help them learn how to communicate and regulate the overwhelming emotions of toddlerhood.

I just can’t fall apart right now. I don’t have the luxury of being able to stay in bed all day to nurse a broken heart. I have people that rely on me and a limited support network.

So, the big picture will be tabled for now. And we’ve agreed to deal with things as they come up. I will focus primarily on being the best mom I can to my toddlers and stepdaughter and the best wife I can be to my hardworking husband.

And it’s okay. If there is anything I know about myself, it’s that my past will be there when I choose to visit it again. Unless it visits me first.

Who can you rely on to help keep you sane?

Filed Under: Self Discovery, Wellbeing Tagged With: counseling, honesty, self-discovery, therapy

Get to Know Your Trouble Spots

September 13, 2016 By Sara M. 2 Comments

680x450-woman-thinking-3To quote my mother, a.k.a. Lady Jane, I am on a journey of self-discovery.

And what do I need to know about myself? I need to know the areas where I tend to struggle, fall short, and get stuck. Equipped with that self-awareness, I can practice better strategies for coping when I find myself in those positions.

In mid-August, I was definitely in a rough patch. My anxiety and stress were through the roof, and when I am stressed I become cranky and angry. At everything. All the time. Which in turn, makes it miserable for everyone in my robust family of 5.

It took about a week for me to stop and figure out what it was, which tells me two things. One, I am out of practice (likely due to the chaos that comes with raising toddlers). Two, the level of stress was so high it was very difficult to calm down long enough to get clarity on what was actually going on below the surface.

But when I finally touched on the answer, it all made sense to me.

#1 Trouble Spot – I HATE Making Decisions

Not sure exactly where this comes from, but when I am faced with a lot of decisions to make or a single hard decision to make, I fall apart. The act of making a decision is arduous for me. I toss and turn and toil and rethink and second guess, and by the time it’s over I’ve exhausted myself and anyone who took pity on me to listen. At the core, I’m scared I will make the wrong decision.

In August, I was faced with several serious decisions. The first one was that we were losing our summer childcare help, and needed to hire someone new. In particular, I needed to decide if we were going to continue sending our 3 ½ year old daughter to daycare, while also pursuing in home care for the 20 month old. The idea of the double expense was killing me, but our daughter has gotten so much socialization out of school that it seemed necessary. And then, there was the whole interview process and trying to decide what traits I wanted in a new nanny, etc. Hello decision overload.

The next biggie was my rental property. Purchasing this condo was one of the worst decisions I have made in my life (will definitely cover in a full post), and it continues to be a drain on our resources but we are too far underwater to sell it. My previous tenant moved out, leaving us with ruined floors, urine damage, and a disgusting mess. Being that it is my property prior to our marriage (and I’m a tad picky about how things get done), my husband defers to me for how I want to handle it. Hello decision overload.

The last major one was my choice, but still required a ton of decisions. It was starting this blog. I am not sure I would have even started the blog if I had known how much work and learning goes into it. And decisions! Technical decisions, design decisions, content decisions, marketing decisions, etc. All for good, but for someone like me who toils over each and every decision, it was extremely stressful.

#2 Trouble Spot – I Have Major Money Buttons

I was raised in a very cost conscious family. The pressure to conserve money was so great in my childhood that I have an extremely hard time breaking free of those chains today. I struggle to spend money even on items that one would consider a necessity. Whenever money is involved, it adds another layer that further complicates my decision making process.

In each of the examples above, there is a money component. The cost of daycare, and the cost of a nanny. For my condo, because the apartment was in such disrepair, it could not even be shown until after the tenant vacated. Which meant I couldn’t even list it until it was acceptable to show to prospective tenants. Each day that ticked by had a dollar figure attached. And the blog, while in total it wasn’t super expensive to launch, I was still stressed because it was an investment that may not ever be returned. Heaven forbid I waste money doing something fun!

#3 Trouble Spot – I Struggle When Learning Something New

In general, I love new experiences. But when it comes to learning a new process or a heavily technical process, I really stall out. I have very little patience for those early periods of “not getting it” or when a supposedly simple process takes a long time. It’s as if I want to be an instant expert at everything, even if I’ve never even tried it before. Yes, you can laugh now at how ridiculous that sounds – but I bet lots of people feel this way. Maybe I’ve been spoiled by the fact that most things have come very easily to me so I never developed the perseverance needed to tackle hard tasks.

Starting thesanityplan.com was the perfect storm of learning something new, spending money, and making tons of decisions. I wouldn’t go back and change it, however, when I keep my particular trouble spots at the forefront, I can tackle them faster. And once I’ve identified the issue that’s coming up, it brings the whole situation into better perspective. I can remind myself that these struggles come from my childhood, they are old habits, and I do get through them every time.

Filed Under: Self Improvement, Wellbeing Tagged With: basics, self-discovery, stress, wellbeing

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Welcome to THE SANITY PLAN! Here you will find my attempts to restore order in my crazy life post kids. I'm just getting started & I have a lot to say. So far I've written a lot about my perspectives on parenting (sorry, it's where I am at), but I'd love it if you followed my journey to improve my habits, get more organized, redefine my career, and generally live a good life. Or, you can follow just for the entertainment, I promise there will be lots of that. Do you want to learn more about building A Sanity Plan?

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