TheSanityPlan

Solutions for finding balance in this crazy world

An Update on Our Snowbird Status

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Snowbirds

Thanks to all of the readers of my popular piece, Why I Became a Snowbird in my 30’s.

I responded to many of the comments, but I wanted to provide a formal update.

Unfortunately, we have had to give up snowbirding. Over the years we faced many barriers to our trips, but the biggest hurdle is the kids’ schooling.

Inflexible School Systems

During our last trip, we had to finagle a partial trip for our middle schooler, my stepdaughter, because she was only able to take 3 weeks off of school. We thought we were in pretty good shape because it was pre-approved with the school and we were told she’d be given work to do while we were away. We arranged to have her grandparents take care of her because her mother does not live locally.

When it came time to take the trip, the teachers did not have work prepared, and instead told our daughter to enjoy her vacation. Despite the pre-approval and offer to work on vacation, the teachers appeared to penalize her for the remainder of the year, even after she caught up with the rest of the class. We were extremely unhappy with this outcome and registered this worry for future trips.

Now that she is in high school, and if it were just her, we *can* resume our Florida trips because her high school offers online school. She can actually take the first semester in person, which ends around Christmas, and then participate in online school for the rest of the year. All of the high schools in our area offer this option.

Unfortunately, this is our younger daughter’s first year in elementary school. At the orientation we inquired about the possibility of a long trip to Florida in the winter. The administrator looked surprised that we’d even asked something like this; he said the only way we could do it would be to disenroll her from their school, enroll her in Florida, and then reenroll her in Pennsylvania when we returned. And honestly, it sounded too disruptive to go through all those hoops.

Just as I was preparing to write this, I did hear of another family from my area (not the same primary school, though) that actually does this. My immediate concern was how the kids adapted to that much change every year. And to my surprise, they love it. The kids have friends in both locations, and it’s been so regular that no-one even bats an eye at it now. But, I still hesitate because I don’t know if it would be good for my kids. Even during our prior trips at their very young ages, I noticed a considerable transition period both when we’d arrive and when we’d return home.

So, as you can see, the biggest problem for us is schooling. There are also a couple of housing factors that would also complicate things if we decided to do it anyways:

1) The area that we were renting in has gotten more and more expensive every year

2) We do not always rent the same house so the kids could potentially have to go to different schools. And while it would be preferable to buy a property, the higher prices would probably deter us from doing that.

3) Lack of familial support. If you’ve been reading, you know that we don’t have much in the way of family support systems. Instead, we have had to work really hard to build up our child care support networks. To confound matters, when we leave for extended periods of time, we risk our home support network while simultaneously having to build a new temporary one in Florida.

Our New Plan

I’m sorry I cannot report more success in this area because I know a number of you are considering snowbirding with kids. This past winter was really hard for my family, especially my husband. We couldn’t even take a short trip this year because we had a newborn and quite frankly, there are so many of us now. At six people, we now need two hotel rooms to be comfortable. So, around February, my husband wilted despite a couple of his business trips being in sunny locales.

As the cold season approaches again, the topic of how we are going to deal with future winters has become urgent again. One idea is to plan a pick-me-up vacation of at least 10 days in late January/early February. It has to be a sunny location, and we will stretch for even longer even if that means we send the teen home early. Because there are so many of us, we’ll be looking for an Airbnb type place so we can stay centralized in one place and cook for ourselves to offset the cost.

Secondarily, we are going to start trying some active winter trips. Living in the northeast we are within driving distance from many ski resorts so we are going to take some weekend trips to keep up our activity level despite the cold.

And lastly, we’ve all begun to take a supplemental Vitamin D. I learned that we simply do not get enough vitamin D from the sun in our area so a daily supplement can help boost energy levels. I’ve also purchased my husband a sun lamp that he can use in his office to increase his intake of vitamin D.

I’ll let you know how each of these things turn out. I wish there were easier ways to manage schooling for those of us that prefer to snowbird for our health. I can only hope that school systems will become more flexible in the future, and I am looking forward to the later years when our highschoolers will have more flexibility.

 

One Last Note on Homeschooling

The next obvious question is… if school is the problem, why don’t we homeschool our children?

And the truth of the matter is that we (I mean “I”) could. But, after spending the last six years with my children, I have come to the conclusion that our children would do better in a traditional school setting. I think this is a result of the blend of personalities (including my own) and the ages of each member. Plus, having the children in the home day in and day out makes it difficult for my husband to concentrate on his business. I am open to homeschooling the children as they mature and progress in their education if I am able to test that our learning relationship improves.

 

I wish I had better news for those of you interested in forging your own path for your family instead the the typical one. I’d love to hear success stories in the comments if you have found a way to make this work for you!

 

 

Sanity Plan Success Stories – Raising Kids Far from Home

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One of the things I love the most about the Sanity Plan is getting the opportunity to see how other people put their own Sanity Plans in action. The following post is a guest post written by an American woman who is raising her children abroad. I got to know Emily through a writing group we belong to and found her story incredibly interesting. I hope you do, too!

A Sanity Plan: Three R’s that Keep My Life Abroad Balanced 

As an American mom married to a Czech, keeping a healthy life balance while raising children abroad is a top priority. My family has lived in the Czech Republic for more than 13 years now. Many Czech friends, my own children, and my mother ask me why we don’t live in America, or when we’re planning to return to the US. I used to ask myself the same thing.

Now, I can’t imagine leaving.

Over the years, I’ve tried to understand where home is for my family. Like many expats, I’ve had moments where I’ve wanted to pack my bags and wave goodbye to the Czech Republic for good, and I’ve had moments in the US where I’ve longed for the day of my flight to arrive to take me back to Prague.

On good days, I am at home in my adopted country of the Czech Republic. Beer is cheaper than water, there are more castles per square meter than in any other European country, and Czechlish is my family’s language of choice. I thrive on the atmosphere of growth that comes from living in a country different from where I grew up, where even going to the store to buy meat can be an adventure.

Then, there are the bad days. When the supermarket clerk gives me a cold stare that brings me to tears, or the heating goes out, and I don’t know the right words to say to the serviceman in Czech. When my children are embarrassed that I can’t speak Czech like a native, or I yearn to chat with my mother but realize by the time she’s awake, my day will be halfway gone.

Despite believing that making a home in the Czech Republic was the right decision for my family, I do miss my roots (a lot).

To help me feel grounded in my life abroad, I have created a Sanity Plan that I like to call “My 3 R’s.” Based on rituals that I can do wherever, whenever I need to feel balanced, “My 3 R’s” are an essential part of keeping my own sanity. These rituals are what I give to myself to keep my passions alive, my sense of humor intact, and to remind myself of who I am beyond the labels (mother, wife, teacher, writer, fill in the blank).

My 3 R’s:  w(R)iting, Reading, and Running

Writing (and friends who write)

Years ago, I met two Americans in Prague who liked to write as much as I did. One evening a week, we shared our stories over dinner. With encouragement from my friends, I began to write a weekly column called Half-n-Half for a local newspaper.

The column was a way for me to make sense of the cultural differences (and similarities) that I observed while living in the Czech Republic. Even when I had more important things to do (change diapers, help with homework, or teach English lessons), whenever I stopped writing, I grew grumpy and irritable. So, I picked up my pencil.

Writing was how I took a step back from my life. It was also a way for me to connect with other foreigners living in the Czech Republic and Czechs living abroad.

The other day, my preteen daughter asked me why I spent so much time writing my stories, if I didn’t get much money from them. While I fumbled to answer, getting emotional and half apologizing for my dedication to something that wasn’t putting money into our bank account or food on the table, my daughter answered her own question.

“I think I understand, Mommy,” she said. “It’s kind of like my dancing. I love dance, even if I’m not going to be a prima ballerina.”

Running

To balance my writing, I run. I am not a hard-core runner. I don’t have sleek abdominals or toned arms. I run to keep the witch inside me at bay. And, I run to let the witch out. There is an ongoing inner monologue when I run. Some days, I sort out a writing dilemma or a work problem, other times I rehash a conversation that didn’t go as planned. I think about my children and what is going on in their lives. I look at the trees or the creek that winds along my trail. Or, I stare 7-8 feet in front of me and will my legs to keep moving.

When I see other parents pushing strollers or walking with children on bikes in the woods, I often feel guilty. But, I don’t run home to coerce my children to join me. They have their own sports classes and activities. Running is my time.

On my birthday, the kids and I do a family run (at their request). When we finish, my daughter says, “I wish I had the time to run like you do.” I tell her that any time she wants to run, I would be happy to have her join me. And I mean it. I tell her that running makes me a better mom.

Reading

For my family of bookworms, bedtimes stories are the cherry on top of the ice cream sundae. Ever since they were babies, I have read aloud to my children each night. Reading is the one consistent way (in addition to speaking to them in English) that I balance their Czech school education and the Czech culture that surrounds us. It is also the one time a day when each child receives my full, focused attention.

As each child learned to read, our ritual was expanded. Now, I rotate through their rooms at bedtime, starting with the youngest. He reads a few pages in Czech, then I follow with a story in English. My older two children read on their own. On busy nights, my daughter listens to my youngest son read while I do dishes and pack school lunches. Then, I come to read to him.

Even (or rather especially) when the day has been crazy, for these few moments, I focus only on the time my child and I have carved out for one another. And the stories we share together.

 

Most days, I don’t have time to do as much writing, running, or reading as I wish. But, by following my passions a little every day, I hope my children see that their own dreams (no matter how wild or crazy they seem) are valid and real.

Do you have rituals that help you keep your life sane? I’d love to hear about them in the comments. 

 

Emily Gates Prucha teaches English and writes about raising multilingual children in the Czech Republic – the land of beer, castles, and Krtek (The Little Mole). Find her stories about Czech culture online at Half-n-Half for The Prague Daily Monitor and prague.tv. As far as Czech traditions go, she doesn’t like being whipped at Easter but having a carp swimming in her bathtub at Christmas suits her fine.

Do you have a Sanity Plan that you’d like to share? Please pitch your guest post to thesanityplan@gmail.com. 

Why I Became a Snowbird in My 30’s

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If you had told me even 5 years ago that I would become a snowbird in my 30’s, I would have laughed. I have never particularly been fond of Florida because of the intense summer heat. And yet, here I am in Florida for our 3rd extended winter trip with my entire family of 5.

We didn’t plan to become snowbirds, we stumbled our way into it. The choice was mostly driven by my husband, whose moods were majorly impacted by the characteristically cold and dreary winters of the Northeast. He craved sunshine and warm weather to help him feel better.

With this in mind, we began planning vacations to sunny locales at the peak of winter in an effort to combat some of his melancholy. This would work, but we realized that just one week or even 10 days was not enough time to truly relax and recharge. It took several days to be able to wind down from our busy schedules and lives back home, and before we knew it we were headed back into the cold. Not to mention the incredible expense of taking our whole family on vacation to tropical destinations.

Finally, we realized that because we both held remote work positions, there was nothing stopping us from working from anywhere we pleased. I can still remember the day our discussion led us to this idea, standing in the kitchen discussing the possibilities and saying “why not?”

At first, we researched rentals in the Caribbean, but eliminated them because of the incredible expense to fly there and rent a car, in addition to paying inflated prices for meals and entertainment. We were also concerned about reliable internet connectivity.

That’s how we landed in Florida. It was as far south as we could go on the East Coast and still remain in the US. We could drive our own vehicle and bring some of our own belongings. We would remain in somewhat familiar territory with US based systems and routines.

Identifying ourselves as snowbirds came from our very first trip. The amount of teasing we received was not small. Eyebrows were raised. It was the topic de jour. “So, y’all are snowbirds?” became a familiar line. It was pretty much unheard for a young family to spend an extended period of time in Florida during the winter. The snowbird title typically belonged to retired folks, not newly married folks with toddlers in tow.

I have to admit I was pretty reluctant at first. I was worried about being able to maintain my job remotely (even more remotely, no longer within driving distance of my office) while juggling the children. It was a little harder, but doable because my husband jumped in to help me balance. My husband’s consultancy, while Northeast based, was surprisingly portable. He could easily return home for business meetings or tradeshows, but every other aspect of his business could be handled via phone, email, or fax (forwarded to email).

It turns out that I didn’t need to worry about work for our subsequent trips, as I was part of a mass layoff while pregnant with my son. That year we came down right after I delivered him, and I was able to recover with our newborn in the warmer climate.

The benefits for our family are immeasurable. The sunshine lifted all of our spirits incredibly (even mine, and I hadn’t considered myself affected by the bleak winters). The warm weather helped us get more active, as opposed to being holed up inside due to the cold. Our bodies reset to a more summer styled appetite, allowing us to eat lighter and healthier. More typically seasonal foods were available like avocados and oranges, and being close to the water increased the availability of fish to eat.

The most surprising element of all? We were more productive. We got more done during those periods than we would typically do at home during the winter. We’ve spent some time trying to narrow down the exact cause, but mostly attribute it to an overall increase in health and wellness, with a better balance of work and play. We took time every day to swim or hit the park or find an adventure. When we sat down to work in shorter bursts, we were more focused and successful.

I realize this is not an option for everyone, and yes, we feel very fortunate. It’s expensive, but probably not as much as you might think. Renting a house is often less expensive per night than a hotel, and we don’t have to take the time off from work because we bring our work with us. We’re willing to forego traditional vacations because this kind of hybrid vacation has done more for us in terms of lasting benefits. But we didn’t always think it could be a reality for us, either. We evaluated our scenario, and dared to push past traditional boundaries in order to find a solution that worked for our Sanity Plan.

 

A lot have things have changed since I wrote this post now that I have two school-aged children, click here for my latest update.

The Sanity Plan Success Stories – A Flexible Freelance Career

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I met the owner of our next success story online. I was inspired by her commitment towards developing the career she wanted, even if that meant trying out many things until she found what worked. Here is Carrie’s Sanity Plan:

 

My name is Carrie, and I’m a registered nurse turned freelance writer. Last year I launched the Healthy Work at Home Mom to share what I’ve learned about creating a thriving business from home without burning yourself out.

I’ve wanted to work from home since the moment I became a mom four years ago. I remember sitting in our little apartment during maternity leave and deciding to check my work email. Our new baby was sleeping next to me as I logged in. I had just had her, but when I checked my email, I noticed one that said, “only 2 weeks until Carrie gets back!” I just sat there staring at my computer trying to process that. I had just had a baby! I quickly pulled up a calendar and realized I had indeed already been home with her for 10 weeks. Well, you know what happens next. I immediately burst into tears and decided to make a change.

I started researching ways that nurses can work from home and landed on medical writing. I began pitching myself to every company I could find, started a blog, and eventually landed a few freelance jobs. I slowly began cutting back my hours at the hospital and worked my last shift as a nurse at the end of 2016.

Being able to work from home for myself and be with my kids was absolutely the best decision I’ve ever made, but it still comes with its challenges. If I wake up one morning and the baby is sick, I no longer have to scramble to figure out daycare and who’s turn it is to call in and how I’m going to get in to the doctor. However, I do have to figure out when on earth I’m going to get my client work done.

Here are some of the strategies that have helped me the most:

  • Time blocking – I now have a weekly schedule with chunks of time for all of my projects. This has saved me so much time. Each time I have work time (during kindergarten and nap time), I know exactly what I need to do, so I don’t waste time feeling overwhelmed. On Mondays I edit and write outlines. Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays are for billable client work. On Wednesdays, I work on my blog and shoot a Facebook live video.
  • Embracing my season – It’s really easy for me to look at what others have accomplished and feel discouraged. I have big dreams and just want to get there. But I always come back to the fact that the reason I started freelancing was to be home with my kids, and that’s where I am. They won’t always be this little and need this much help, so I’m embracing my season. I have plenty of time to build my empire 🙂
  • Believing in myself – I think when you are working on a big goal (like leaving your 9-5 to work for yourself), it’s easy to doubt yourself. I certainly did. While my husband and family always believed in me, no one else understood what I was trying to build. No one thought this was possible. That’s where I had to decide that I was going to do this, even if I didn’t know exactly how. Every time I took a step forward, the next right step found me.

I love to see how other people create their Sanity Plans and put them into action. Creating a job that provides the flexibility to combine two dreams at once (motherhood and business ownership) is quite an achievement. Inspired? Read more on how to build your own Sanity Plan here.

Do you have a Sanity Plan success story to share? Let me know in the comments or reach out to me through my contact page. 

The Sanity Plan Success Stories – A Salon for One

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As I continue to work on my Sanity Plan, I am noticing people all around me with Sanity Plans of their own. I am always keeping a look out for how people take steps (big or small) to accomplish a goal or even change the direction of their whole life.

Today’s story is about my wonderful hair dresser. I’ve known Teri for about 4 years and have had a front row seat to watch how she was able to manifest a significant change in her life. I know it will inspire you as well.

I first met Teri in a fancy salon in our downtown historic section. The setting was gorgeous and I always felt like a pampered queen when I went there. I didn’t mind the extra expense because I typically only go once or twice a year (read: lazy mom-do). I’d been passed around to a number of ladies until Teri cut my hair, and it looked great and stayed great for months. I also looked forward to our conversations about life, kids, marriage, writing, and business. The business talks were my favorite subject as I have my MBA and she was working on her BA in Business at the time.

Teri’s Sanity Plan

Teri had more than 20 years of experience in hair care, with a considerable list of devoted clients. She was growing tired of the politics at the salon and was concerned that her customers were not getting the best experience. Teri made a decision to venture off on her own.

She rented a tiny shop less than a mile away and set up a single chair and washing station. She and her husband updated and decorated the space to capture that modern salon feel. Teri worked to set up her business, learning each step that was required along the way.

The Results

I was a little apprehensive for my first visit because I’d really enjoyed the ambiance of the previous salon. But the experience was actually so much better for me, without the chaos and the noise, and we easily continued our ongoing conversation. It was private and cozy, offering a very different feel than I was used to.

The best part of this change, which took an enormous amount of courage, is that I have never seen a more happy and relaxed business owner. It’s been the better part of a year and I can see the true joy and relief she experiences in being her own boss and having full control over her career.

Her favorite parts?

  • Setting her own schedule
  • Having a private space to serve her clients and be creative
  • Getting time to talk one-on-one with her customers
  • Keeping more of the profits from her work
  • Being able to work alone if she chooses
  • Learning all aspects of business ownership and salon operation

What is so inspiring to me about Teri’s change is her devotion to the process. She made a decision, set her plans in motion, and followed through. There was no waffling, no back and forth, or letting her fears of the unknown stop her from achieving this dream. She negotiated a peaceful transition of her personal clients from the old salon (most of whom she had brought there). And she is conscious of tackling each new process with measured precision, allowing for time to learn new skills before beginning a new project.

Thanks for the inspiration, Teri. Keep up the good work!

Do you have a Sanity Plan Story? Contact me to set up an interview or recommend the story of someone you know.

 

How to Put Your Sanity Plan into Action

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Now that we have established the basis for our Sanity Plan, it is time to take some action. If you missed our first discussion, you can catch up here.

So far, we’ve covered the 10 Sanity Plan Principles and discussed setting Sanity Plan Goals for 5 areas of your life that need improvement. I highlighted the importance of not trying to change everything at once in order to avoid getting further overwhelmed. I am a huge proponent of making a plan that is simple and achievable, otherwise it is hard to stay motivated.

I will use my own goals as an example:

  1. Work on improving the kids’ behavior (limit meltdowns, create better routines)
  2. Strengthen my relationship with my husband (date nights, consistent co-parenting)
  3. Make personal care a priority (sleep, exercise schedule, self-care plan)
  4. Create organizational habits and routines (conquer my clutter bug)
  5. Balance my work & creative projects with home life (create effective systems)

Setting Specific & Timely Goals

Using the areas I’ve targeted above, I can now set specific goals that will help me take steps towards improvement.

Why is it important to be specific? General goals, as in the ones above, do not give a clear enough outline of the steps needed to achieve them. I have had these goals for quite some time, but without setting specific goals to accomplish, I have not improved as much as I’ve wanted to.

Why is it important to give yourself a timeline? I don’t know about you, but when I don’t have a timeline, it takes a long time for me to get to a task, if at all. Creating a deadline for myself helps me organize my schedule around certain tasks I know I need to do.

I’ve been thinking a lot about The Sanity Plan (can you tell?) and I’ve decided to set weekly goals each Monday. Here are my goals for this week and an explanation of my thought process for each:

  1. Kid’s routines: Strengthen the daily morning routine consisting of getting dressed, brushing teeth, eating breakfast, packing lunch, cleaning up from breakfast all before 8:30 am (in that order).

I am choosing this goal because we have a pretty good evening routine, but the mornings feel disorganized. And when it feels disorganized, I start my morning on the wrong foot: stressed and grumpy.

2. Quality hubby time: Watch a movie together after the kids go to bed.

Sounds like a simple goal, but for me, I always have so much catching up to do when the kids go to bed that I feel like I can’t take the time. But for my husband, watching a movie is a great wind down activity, and he especially enjoys when we do it together.

3. Personal care: Incorporate doorway pectoral stretches into my daily lunch routine.

Stress and working long hours in front of a computer are causing pain in my neck and back. I was recently shown some stretches that will help combat the heavy forward leaning while I work. I will do this midday as a reminder to pay attention to my posture.

4. Organization: Set up the kids’ artwork filing systems.

I made a decision on the organization system I want to use for my kids’ growing pile of artwork. Now, I need to put it all together and figure out an easily accessible home for it so I can add to it throughout the year. Don’t worry, I will write it up as a post coming soon!

5. Work/Life Balance: Finish setting my 2017 writing goals.

I am very lucky to be working with a writing coach this year and my first deliverable is a three-pronged plan for my writing. This actually fits very nicely into my overall plan of developing a freelance career while maintaining good balance with the rest of my responsibilities.

Reviewing Your Progress Regularly

This is often where I fall short when goal setting. Some goals fall by the wayside because I haven’t put a good system in place for reviewing my progress.

So, when I sit down to write my goals each week, I am adding a “review” of the prior week’s goals to the process. I will consider the following:

Did I complete them all?

Where did I fall short?

What barriers did I encounter?

Did I set the “right” goals?


The Secret Ingredient

What is the secret ingredient, you ask? Accountability. Yes, definitely, we must hold ourselves accountable, but our “selves” also provide a lot of reasons and excuses for not getting done what we need to. One idea is to share your goals with a friend who wants to work on a Sanity Plan together.

Or, follow along with me. Every Monday, I am going to post my weekly goals, as well as a review of how I did during the prior week.

I’m looking forward to a simpler, saner life.

Are you ready?

Why Everyone Needs a Sanity Plan & How to Create One

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The Sanity Plan.

What comes to your mind when you read those words?

If I’m correct, most of you already have an idea of what that means. When I mention working on my Sanity Plan, most people tend to nod their head like they intuitively know what I’m talking about.

 

Why Everyone Should Have a Sanity Plan

735x1100-working2I look around me all the time and see the blur of people hurrying, rushing, and trying to get it all done. I see lots of commitments being made, piled up to-do lists, and work with no end in sight. Everyone I know is in high gear. What I don’t see, is people taking time for themselves. Making a plan and carving out space for some sanity in their lives.

This is so important. We can say that we want a break, complain about being overwhelmed and overworked, but nothing is going to happen until we prioritize our well-being.

I’m speaking from experience here, I have 3 kids ranging from 2 to 13 years old. I’m juggling part time work for a startup, managing a rental property, and I help support my husband’s business. I have all the telltale signs of modern life, mountainous piles of laundry, and a to-do list a mile long. You can read more of my story here.

The Goal

The goal is sanity. A balanced schedule and systems that work. So many times, we walk around with a wish list in our heads of things we’d like to change, but nothing changes without a concrete, actionable plan. As my husband likes to say,

“Sanity, you’ve got to PLAN for it.”

680x450-rainbowTry to visualize what a saner version of your life would look like. Can you identify the biggest areas that need work in order to make that happen?

Are you getting enough of the basics: sleep, healthy foods, exercise?

How effectively are you balancing your various roles as an employee (or business owner), partner, parent, family member, etc.?

Do you run your household efficiently, with systems in place for recurring tasks in order to save time and money?

Do you have enough down time for recharging your batteries? When you do have down time, are you choosing the right activities to give you a return of energy?

Everyone’s concept of sanity will vary based on their individual circumstances, values, and preferences. Some people need activities and social time to recharge. Some people, like me, prefer alone time with a good book instead.

The Plan

680x450-working4Now it’s time to get to work. The Sanity Plan has two components. The first is a set of principles that help guide us toward a less complicated life. The principles are available for quick use when you don’t have time for a lengthy decision making process. The second is a set of 5 personalized goals for making improvements in your life.

I have created a list of 10 important principles, but feel free to modify the list to fit your needs. I’ll cover the first principle here, but you can join my Sanity Plan Principles series for a detailed discussion of each.

Be present is the first principle.

I chose this one to be first because I don’t believe that any of us can change without being conscious our lives in real time. How can I see what is not working in my life if I am on autopilot? How can I know why I am angry and irritable with my husband if I cannot slow down and ask myself right then? Am I hungry, am I tired, am I feeling disconnected from my friends, or am I frustrated about something unrelated at work? Or, is it a sore spot between he and I because I haven’t been honest with him about a particular issue?

Being in the moment is the key to making any changes. How can we change anything if we cannot see what it is that needs to change?

Next, we set some high level goals. For this, I recommend setting 5 because more than that could get overwhelming. Don’t worry if you have more, you can write down as many as you like, but DO choose the 5 most important ones to use for your Sanity Plan.

For me, I have a laundry list of things I want to do, work on, and change about myself. The sheer number can easily overwhelm and stall me into complete inactivity. So instead, I set the following goals to prioritize change in certain areas of my life:

  1. Work on improving the kids’ behavior (limit meltdowns, create better routines)
  2. Strengthen my relationship with my husband (date nights, consistent co-parenting)
  3. Make personal care a priority (sleep, exercise schedule, self-care plan)
  4. Create organizational habits and routines (conquer my clutter bug)
  5. Balance my work & creative projects with home life (create effective systems)

There are lots of helpful materials out there on how to set effective goals. If you are not sure, I suggest checking out this strategy or this strategy.

What’s Next?

So far, we have established Principles and Goals for our Sanity Plan. Take time to consider both, and make sure that you have chosen areas that will make the biggest impact in your life.

The next step is all about taking action. Stay tuned for Part 2, where I will cover:

Setting Specific & Timely Goals

Reviewing Your Progress Regularly

 

I’m looking forward to helping you work on your Sanity Plan! Part of my mission on this journey is to connect with other people interested in finding and creating balance in their lives.

 

What is the biggest area of your life that you would like to improve?

 

The Sanity Plan Principles Part 4– Forge Close Relationships

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Welcome to part four of The Sanity Plan Principles series. The fourth principle is:

closerelationships

 Why do we need to “Forge Close Relationships?”

I bet you could instantly think of several reasons why you need close relationships. Relationships are a key component of our humanity. We live and thrive in an interconnected world.

But just knowing a ton of people is not enough. When you take a relationship deeper than just a casual acquaintance you can get so much more out of it.

Close relationships offer a sense of community. We become aware of the fact that we are not alone in this journey. We become tuned in to the needs of others outside of our immediate circles.

When you work to develop these relational bonds, you have someone to fall back on when you really need it the most. I’ve noticed that people are more likely to help one another when a connection has been established.


How do we “Forge Close Relationships?”

680x450-friends2Note my use of the action word “forge.” I carefully chose this word because I want to emphasize the fact that it is our job to take action to create deeper relationships. They do not always happen naturally or without effort.

There are lots of ways to strengthen your relationships.

You can do this by sharing more intimately with the person. Instead of talking about a subject at the surface, dig a little deeper, express how you think or feel about the subject.

You can do this by sharing how you feel about the person directly. Do you tell them that you love them? Are you physically affectionate? And I am not just speaking about romantic relationships, although this applies in that case as well.

Can you deepen the relationship by helping the other person? An offer to help with your time or expertise can be a great relationship builder. This can be especially when it comes to business networking.

Beware of the Social Media Trap

It is really easy to fall into the trap of corresponding with family, friends, and work acquaintances primarily via social media. Even the use of digital communications such as text or email can be a barrier to closeness and understanding.

680x450-friendsHave you ever gotten a message from someone that just came out wrong? No matter how you looked at it or tried to consider their point of view, it just came across as rude or distant.

This is because digital communications are missing some of the fundamental aspects of human interaction: facial expressions, body language, affect, tone, etc.

My experience

I know that I need close relationships in my life. When I begin to keep too many of my thoughts and emotions to myself, I default to feeling very alone.

I am extremely fortunate to have found a husband who I can share intimately with. This relationship is the backbone of my life. I also use emotional language with my children, parents, and siblings.

Outside of family, I’ve had a lot harder of a time developing friendships. I moved a lot throughout my life and haven’t had particularly longstanding friendships due to that. I like to have only a few really good friends at a time because I put a lot of energy into my relationships.

With my existing friends, I try to call them regularly (see social media above) and I like to get together with them as much as we can. I also know that I prefer to meet one on one with a friend, or even as two couples. Any more than that tends to overwhelm me.

I’ve made a bunch of new friends recently. I picked a couple of local women in a similar life stage to mine (with young kids) and really worked to get close with them. I am persistent in making plans to do play dates, balancing between being the host and the hosted (I like to be as fair as possible in sharing the burden). And when we do get together, I am honest and real, which often solicits a similar level of sharing in return. And as a result, I’ve been feeling a lot more connected to other people in my life.

Do you feel close to your family and friends right now? Are there any relationships that you would like to improve?

Next principle: Be Solution Oriented

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Submit Your Sanity Plan Story Today!!

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Hello everyone! The Sanity Plan wants to hear how you find “Sanity.” It can be any solution, big or small. It can be something you’ve done only once, or something you do regularly.

Here are some recent ideas to get you started:

680x450-pandaWork/Life Balance– One of my close girl friends was telling me about how difficult her client is. Her job as an account executive requires her to spend long hours on the phone with a group of people that are very hard to please. When she has a particularly stressful call to lead, she found the cutest solution to help keep her sane. She pulls up the webcam of the red pandas at the Philadelphia Zoo, and keeps it running in the corner of her screen. Watching these adorable fuzzy animals keeps her calm, yet it is light enough that it doesn’t distract her from what she needs to get accomplished.

Stress Relief – I don’t typically listen to music. However, when I am feeling particularly overwhelmed, certain music can really lift me up. I put on Jason Mraz’s live album “Tonight, Not Again” and it brings me back to one of the best times of my life: the semester I spent abroad in England. Recalling the sights and sounds and exploration reminds me of being free and carefree and on top of the world.

680x450-cereal

Parenting – Parents need many solutions up their sleeve to keep their sanity. My best friend HATES mornings. The problem? Kids are all about mornings. She changed one simple thing that seriously improved her morning routine. At night, she poured and covered a bowl of cereal for her elementary aged daughter so that her daughter could simply add milk and eat in the morning on her own.

 

What about you? I’d love to hear your story in 300 words or less. Stories will be used as examples and inspiration for people who are working on their Sanity Plan. By submitting, you agree to release all rights to your story for republication with your first name and last initial.

Share this with a friend/coworker who may have a story to tell and follow The Sanity Plan on the right to see your solution in action!

 

THE SANITY PLAN PRINCIPLES PART 2– Discover Yourself

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Welcome to the part two of The Sanity Plan Principles series. The second principle is:

discoveryourself

What is “Discovering Yourself?”

When you turn your attention inward to study your own thoughts, feelings, motivations, and preferences, you are “discovering yourself.”

Figuring out who we are is a lifelong journey. Partly because the introspection and self-knowledge takes time, and partly because we change so much throughout the course of our lives.

 

How do you “Discover yourself?”

This brings us back to the first principle, Being Present. In order to learn more about ourselves, we must be willing to slow down and listen.
Listen to and acknowledge our own thoughts and feelings.

680x450-blankcanvasAsk yourself questions. Did you notice a particular reaction you had? Ask yourself, “Why did I react that way?”

Pay attention to your habits and preferences. Do you like to do things in a particular order? Why is that?

Do you prefer to do certain things at certain times of day? Why is that?

 

How does “Discovering Ourselves” help us?

Self-knowledge is a powerful tool. Armed with an understanding of yourself, you can make better decisions that more closely align with your needs.

Knowing who you are helps you communicate more clearly in existing relationships. It is also important when developing new relationships in terms of the people you choose and the way you engage them.

Understanding your unique preferences helps you organize your day and your life in a way that best suits you – whether it is the type of work you do, when and how you complete certain tasks, how you orchestrate family/social time, etc.

 

680x450-relax4My experience

As my mother often reminds me, I am on a journey of “self-discovery.” I tend to have a natural tendency towards this as I am very introspective. I am fascinated to learn about my inner workings, and I also enjoy learning about what makes other people tick. It was part of my drive in pursuing a BA in Psychology.

The more I know about myself, the better equipped I am to handle whatever life throws my way. I have identified certain buttons I struggle with, which makes it easier to realize when I am falling back on an old habit or way of thinking. The ability to recognize a self-characteristic is the first step in being able to use tactics to change it or find a creative solution around it.

Not all characteristics are “bad” per se. I have recently discovered that I am a highly sensitive person. While I love to feel and experience, sometimes it can be overwhelming to others. Because I am aware of this in myself and its effect on others, I can control how much of that sensitivity I reveal.

Or, I am very aware of the fact that I do my best work in the morning when I am fresh and my mind is clear. So, I orchestrate my day in a way that I can dedicate that highly focused time to work or creativity.

 

What methods do you use in order to learn more about yourself? How does it help you to restore Sanity in your life?

 

Next principle: Build Your Network

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