TheSanityPlan

Solutions for finding balance in this crazy world

Why A ‘Reset Button’ Is a Vital Part of Any Sanity Plan

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So, what is a ‘reset button?’

Think of the reset button on your phone or computer. What does it do?

It stops all processes (usually required as a result of malfunction) and returns the device to it’s original functioning state.

It’s a reboot, a fresh start.

Can you think of how useful that could be if applied to your everyday life? Having a bad day? Reboot it. Fell off your diet wagon? Start over.

Why do you need a ‘reset button?’

Because life.

Because of those times when everything seems to be going wrong and it is steadily getting worse.

Because of ruts, bad starts, and what can go wrong will go wrong.

Sometimes simply knowing that we need to shift directions and trying to force ourselves to behave can actually make the situation worse, or continue the same downward spiral.

When do you need a reset?

This is totally personal. Here are some of the times when a reboot is essential for me:

When I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, a.k.a. cranky, and I’m having a difficult time getting out of my funk.

When I’m overly frustrated with a project, or with everything.

When I’m feeling so overwhelmed, I don’t know where to start.

Right after an argument with my spouse or one of the kids. (Hello emotional hangover)

When I feel like I’m falling short, running late and behind on everything.

When I’m groggy or my head is just not clear.

When it seems that I’m heading in the wrong direction with my day, nothing seems to work, or I’m floundering.

When I’m angry and all I want to do is yell, yell, yell.

When the kids are getting on my nerves over every little thing, and I don’t feel like being nice.

When I’m repeatedly making the wrong decisions whether it’s checking Facebook instead of working or eating sugary foods instead of sticking to my commitment to eat healthy.

 

How can you reset?

I have some definite go-to’s for this. Since I don’t have a magical ‘easy’ button, I have come to rely on these strategies for resetting my day:

Take a shower (um, yes, even if this means taking a second shower) – taking a shower is so relaxing for me. I have time to think. I come out fresh and clean and recharged, ready to tackle whatever was stopping me before. It is also great for idea generation and clarity.

Take a drive – similar to the above. My mind gets clearer when I go out for a drive. My ideas become a lot more organized when my mind is simultaneously focused on the task/rhythm of driving.

Take a walk/yoga/exercise – This is especially helpful if you can go outside. Get moving. Go outside. The light and movement activates your senses, allowing you to get past sticking points.

Run an errand – This ones a twofer – it combines taking a drive with getting something done. When I can’t focus well at home, just changing my environment and accomplishing something I’ve needed to do really helps me make a clean break.

Finish one small task – This is especially helpful when I’m floundering and don’t know where to start. Is there one itsy bitsy tiny thing I can do in 10 minutes or less? Just to get the ball rolling, just to get the sense of accomplishment. It totally works.

Switch tasks (gears) – one of the best things about staying home with the kids or working from home is the flexibility in prioritizing tasks. If I just can’t work, and I’m sitting here banging my head on a figurative wall, I have the flexibility to get up and clean something, fold laundry (usually something physical because my roadblocks are typically of the mental kind). Which has the added benefit of getting some nagging chore off my to do list.

Take a nap – this depends on how much time you have and how tired you are. If I’m really tired and that is the reason for my crankiness or lack of patience, then a good hour long nap is perfect. If I’m just looking for a reboot due to brain fog or an emotional hangover (see arguments above), then a 20 or 30 minute power nap is fantastic. That release into sleep usually clears out the negative stuff and allows almost a perfect restart.

Read a book – Books with short chapters are great for this. I can read one or two chapters, engross myself in someone else’s words and ideas, therefore detaching myself from my stuck ones.

Can you start to see what kinds of tasks are good for a reset? Anything that you can do that helps you break from your current mode. Think fresh, refresh, clean, shake things up, move, take a break, start over, begin again.

 

Final Thoughts

Employing a strategy to catch yourself heading off track and get things turned around is so helpful. It prevents you from wasting time in a bad mood or floundering and being ineffective.

And the bonus for parents?

A) Your children see you model this kind of behavior.

B) You can help your children reset when they get stuck. Seeing this in yourself helps you see it in your children, who do this quite often as part of their growing emotional control capabilities.

 

I’m embarrassed to say I need to do this quite often, at least several times a week. I’ve even had to do it multiple times in the same day. But you know what, that’s my rhythm, and the more I accept myself, the easier it is to employ solutions.

 

Do you employ any of these strategies? I’d love to hear what activities work best as a ‘reset button’ in your life.

 

 

 

Filling the Empty Spaces

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When I nurse my son, I like to head upstairs to his nursery. He has just gotten to that age where he is starting to get distracted from eating by the noises of our household: happy screams from his older siblings, the clanking of dishes, a movie playing in the background. The nursery is about as far from the noisy center of our home as one can be.

The escape is nice for me too. If the older ones are engaged in an activity or watching a show, I can really use the time to step away. Especially at the end of a long day with all of my kids, my brain feels overwhelmed and tired.

I have a book on the night stand that is easy for me to grab while he’s sucking away. And my phone is almost always within reach; it feels much like a third arm.

It is not uncommon for my husband to take note of me nursing and offer to bring me something. In which case, he means can he bring me ”something to do.” He looks at me with empathetic eyes as though considering how hard must it be to sit there, unable to get up for some time, with nothing to do.

I can almost hear how painful the thought is for him.

But…. I am doing something.

I am nursing my son.

I feel so much resentment towards this idea that creeps into my mind at all times of the day and night. That I must always be busy. I must always be doing something. To the point that even when I am doing something, I must also be doing something else.

Is nursing my child just an event on the periphery of life? Or, is it life itself? The main feature, front and center?

Why do we feel the constant need to fill the empty spaces?

As I sit to nurse, I start to itch for something to do. Pick up my book. Scroll through Facebook or Instagram to catch up on other people’s lives. But am I here, drinking up the joy of my own?

Even checking my stocks and reading news take me away from the experience, the here and now that I so desperately want to capture. When I look back at this time, I don’t think I’ll care about what was going on in the news.

What if it’s not an empty space?

I become aware of the task at hand. The pleasant experience of offering my milk to my child. Nourishing him, feeding him. Feeling his warmth and sharing his closeness.

I can shut my eyes, taking the time to rest them. Lubricate them.

I can breathe deeply.

I can let my mind wander. I’m tempted to fill the mental time with planning concrete projects or articles to write. But instead, I allow my thoughts to drift without their master.

All day long, I feel stressed and strained to get things done. Get the next load of laundry in the dryer. Make meals. Clean up after meals. Help the kids with their projects and play. Talking to them, teaching them. Doing doing doing doing doing.

I am doing all day long. Multiple things at the same time. Why can’t I just accept a quiet moment and leave the space empty?

Nursing the baby isn’t me time. It’s us time. And its actually a very full space, rich with love and connection. I love to feel his shape pressed against me, one hand reaching up to grasp a finger or a bit of my shirt. I enjoy the increased weight of his little body as he drifts off to milk-laden sleep.

All day long I feel like there isn’t enough time. I barely have time to sit and rest. My brain feels like a traffic jam and it takes an inordinate amount of time to think through simple tasks. I feel so strained and torn, pulled in 5 different directions at once.

And yet the first break from all those demands, the first opportunity for peace and quiet, I reach automatically to fill the space with a different kind of mind numbing noise.

I am making a conscious effort to preserve the “empty spaces” in my life for much needed rejuvenation. Doing so requires a ton of effort to fight my own nature and the external pressures of the busy-ness culture. I have to remind myself that even machines need down time and maintenance.

I don’t see this as mindfulness, although it shares some of the elements. I see this more as reclaiming our private times. Assigning value to the time spent doing nothing (or doing something that easily allows for a wandering mind). The great thinkers of human history treasured time spent in rumination, we would benefit from the same kind of reverence in this modern age.

Do you struggle with the same thing? Does this way a life become just a mode, a default setting?

Join me in taking back the empty spaces in our lives. Consider them like the forestry and parks that our nation tries to preserve as sacred spaces. Be fierce about giving it up for capture.

Take back those moments of freedom when you’re driving in the car, or drinking your coffee, or nursing your child.

Take them back because they are precious and rare.

Take them back because you need them to survive.

landscape

How Working Moms Can “Drop the Ball” – A Book Review

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taking notesI picked up Tiffany Dufu’s book “Drop the Ball” on a whim during my last trip to the library. With an endorsement on the front from Sheryl Sandberg and a foreword penned by Gloria Steinem, I figured this book was worth a read. And I am very glad I took the chance. This is the first book I’ve read in quite some time where I felt like I was learning something new on every page and it even inspired me to write pages of notes and reactions (like I was back in school all over again!).

Dufu utilizes her extensive background in the field of advancement for women, detailed scientific research, as well as her own personal experiences to send the message that working mothers can indeed learn to stop trying to do it all.

The Why

Drop the Ball seeks to address the following questions:

Why do working moms stall out when they reach middle management instead of joining the ranks of leadership in equal ratios to men?

Why are these women burning out, experiencing increased rates of crippling stress and depression?

According to Dufu, both questions point to the same answer. Women with families are taking on too much. Gender stereotyping to “own” the household, regardless of having a career, forces women to essentially work two full time jobs.

The Solution

drop the ball“Drop the Ball” is filled with practical advice on how to go about obtaining better balance between career and home life. I love how Dufu addresses the problem here, instead of blaming society or men for this problem, she focuses on how women need to be assertive to push back against these gender norms.

So, how can we learn to drop the ball?

  • Evaluate what is important to you and then decide if you are best utilizing your time and talents to meet those goals
  • Analyze the tasks needed to run your household (Dufu uses an excel spreadsheet) and work to balance them in a more equitable way, keeping in mind that some tasks can be dropped completely (if they don’t meet goals in first bullet)
  • Let go of tasks assigned to other people and you may be surprised at the result (Dufu calls this Home Control Disease or HCD and as long as we hold onto this habit, we will never be free to pursue more important things)

The Hidden Gems

The further I got into the book, the more impressed I became with how Dufu thinks. I want to highlight a couple of gems that I really appreciated in her work.

  • Do not take for granted the work our husbands already do to help support our households – Dufu shares an experience similar to my own when she sits down with her husband to list out all of the household tasks and is surprised by the things she was unaware that her husband handled. I imagine this is a common experience for women and enforces the need for this exercise to be done with an open mind (instead of accusations and anger).
  • Just because men do it differently than we would… doesn’t make it wrong. This is so important in terms of us learning how to let go of tasks. Dufu refers to detailed lists she left for her husband, expecting him to manage the kids exactly in the way that she would. I actually went through a similar mindset with my husband prior to having kids, when we worked together for his business. It was an eye opening experience for me to learn that my way of doing things was not the only way to get it done (and not even the optimal method at times!).
  • Men are suffering from gender stereotypes when it comes to family life as well. Dufu uses a personal example of being outraged that her husband was telling prospective employers that his wife was nagging him to spend more time at home. When she approached him, she learned that he was scared to be ridiculed (and not hired) if he truthfully explained his own commitment to his family. It was much more culturally acceptable for the wife to be forcing this change that for it to come from an internal desire. This experience highlights how we need to buck the trends that are not supportive of men being just as involved in family life and household management. One solution Dufu brings to light here is that companies can incorporate leave and flexible work policies for both men and women and adapt a culture that allows men to take advantages of such programs without stigma or penalty.

Overall, an enlightening read on a timely topic dear to many a working mother’s heart. I highly recommend “Drop the Ball” for all women who seek to find balance in their domestic lives, carving a more equitable future for generations to come.

TheSanityPlan is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. All products recommended are used personally by us and opinions about them are our own.

30 Things You Can Do in 10 Minutes or Less

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I don’t know about you, but I often think that I need a huge chunk of time in order to “get something done.” I used to be so spoiled pre-kids, when I had the time to devote an hour or more to projects. Completely focused with no interruptions.

But now, with three kids at home, I have really had to adapt. Sometimes, while juggling the small army, I find I only have a couple of minutes to spare. And it’s easy to get stuck thinking that there is nothing I can do in such a short amount of time, which leads me to squander away those precious minutes scrolling through social media or on other unproductive time wasters.

But, if you think about it, 10 minutes is actually plenty of time if you change the way you look at it. Breaking down tasks into bite-sized chunks helps me see all kinds of things I can do in a short amount of time. Here are some ideas:

Clean

  • Set timer for 10 minutes and pick up around the house – no rules, just put stuff back where it belongs, and no worries if you don’t finish, it will be an improvement
  • Get a load of laundry started
  • Vacuum one room
  • Clean out fridge, dump old food, check dates & discard old condiments
  • Do dishes – this might not work for after dinner dishes, but for those small piles that accumulate during the day, 10 minutes is plenty of time to wash them quickly or throw them in the dishwasher
  • Start a goodwill bag – I like to keep one in the laundry room so clothes I’ve identified as goners go in directly after washing

Plan/Organize

  • Make a to-do list – if you’re like me, there is a never-ending list of things to do, take 10 minutes for a brain dump of everything you need to get done
  • Start a grocery list
  • Organize your catch-all drawer
  • Plan out meals for the week
  • Research new recipes on Pinterest
  • Organize & restock your purse/diaper bag

Digital Life/Finances

  • Unsubscribe from junk emails – this may seem like a never-ending task but taking time to unsubscribe from new mailing lists will help tame the email beast
  • Declutter your phone – weed out bad/duplicate photos, clear out voicemails and text messages
  • Check bank balances and scan through latest transactions – keeping an eye on your finances can be quick if you do it regularly
  • Pay bills – pop onto your banking website to initiate whatever bills you don’t have set up on auto deduct or write out checks for mailing
  • Do some research on something you’ve been wanting to buy

Get Connected

  • Call someone you’ve been meaning to catch up with – tell them that you only have a couple minutes but you wanted to check in
  • Write a note to a friend

StretchTake Care of You

  •   Fix yourself a cup of tea and relax while you drink it
  •   Eat a healthy snack
  •   Freshen up – touch up your hair and makeup
  •   Go to the bathroom in peace
  •   Stretch – Get up, move around
  •   Rest your eyes – 10 minutes may not be long enough for a power nap, but with the prevalence of digital devices, it’s good to relax your eyes and closing them helps with lubrication
  •   Meditate – take a moment to regulate your breath and let your thoughts flow
  • Journal – free form, gratitude, etc.
  • Read a short chapter or a magazine you’ve been meaning to get to
  • Write a list of 10 ideas – I’m borrowing this one from this brilliant guy I’ve been following recently
  • Get outside – go for a short walk or sit outside

 

These are just a few ideas off the top of my head, but I am sure that you can think of so many more!

One extra note on this topic. Reading this you might assume that I’m a productivity nut, which I’m not. The reason why you’ll find things on this list like meditate, stretch, or rest your eyes is because I believe that the body and mind need down time. We cannot run around expecting to fill every last minute of our time on this earth without negative impact. Our bodies and minds were just not made to be like machines.

This list is really about becoming intentional about your spare time and not wasting it because you think it’s already wasted.

I’d love to hear your ideas. What do you do when you only have 10 minutes?

The Sanity Plan Success Stories – A Flexible Freelance Career

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I met the owner of our next success story online. I was inspired by her commitment towards developing the career she wanted, even if that meant trying out many things until she found what worked. Here is Carrie’s Sanity Plan:

 

My name is Carrie, and I’m a registered nurse turned freelance writer. Last year I launched the Healthy Work at Home Mom to share what I’ve learned about creating a thriving business from home without burning yourself out.

I’ve wanted to work from home since the moment I became a mom four years ago. I remember sitting in our little apartment during maternity leave and deciding to check my work email. Our new baby was sleeping next to me as I logged in. I had just had her, but when I checked my email, I noticed one that said, “only 2 weeks until Carrie gets back!” I just sat there staring at my computer trying to process that. I had just had a baby! I quickly pulled up a calendar and realized I had indeed already been home with her for 10 weeks. Well, you know what happens next. I immediately burst into tears and decided to make a change.

I started researching ways that nurses can work from home and landed on medical writing. I began pitching myself to every company I could find, started a blog, and eventually landed a few freelance jobs. I slowly began cutting back my hours at the hospital and worked my last shift as a nurse at the end of 2016.

Being able to work from home for myself and be with my kids was absolutely the best decision I’ve ever made, but it still comes with its challenges. If I wake up one morning and the baby is sick, I no longer have to scramble to figure out daycare and who’s turn it is to call in and how I’m going to get in to the doctor. However, I do have to figure out when on earth I’m going to get my client work done.

Here are some of the strategies that have helped me the most:

  • Time blocking – I now have a weekly schedule with chunks of time for all of my projects. This has saved me so much time. Each time I have work time (during kindergarten and nap time), I know exactly what I need to do, so I don’t waste time feeling overwhelmed. On Mondays I edit and write outlines. Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays are for billable client work. On Wednesdays, I work on my blog and shoot a Facebook live video.
  • Embracing my season – It’s really easy for me to look at what others have accomplished and feel discouraged. I have big dreams and just want to get there. But I always come back to the fact that the reason I started freelancing was to be home with my kids, and that’s where I am. They won’t always be this little and need this much help, so I’m embracing my season. I have plenty of time to build my empire 🙂
  • Believing in myself – I think when you are working on a big goal (like leaving your 9-5 to work for yourself), it’s easy to doubt yourself. I certainly did. While my husband and family always believed in me, no one else understood what I was trying to build. No one thought this was possible. That’s where I had to decide that I was going to do this, even if I didn’t know exactly how. Every time I took a step forward, the next right step found me.

I love to see how other people create their Sanity Plans and put them into action. Creating a job that provides the flexibility to combine two dreams at once (motherhood and business ownership) is quite an achievement. Inspired? Read more on how to build your own Sanity Plan here.

Do you have a Sanity Plan success story to share? Let me know in the comments or reach out to me through my contact page. 

Maintenance Mondays – A Scheduling Hack

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Monday MorningI hate schedules. In fact, despite the fact that I know that routines are really helpful for getting things done, I feel completely rebellious towards setting one and sticking to it. I guess that’s pretty immature for a 30-something year old, but hey, it’s where I’m at.

I recently came up with something that has really helped. Instead of creating a full-on schedule, I have assigned a day to catch up on things that I want to do regularly, on a weekly basis.

I call it “Maintenance Mondays.”

It initially started as a way to make sure I would do certain maintenance tasks with the children on a regular basis, such as cutting their nails or applying lotion. From there I modified it to also capture tasks that are not necessarily daily, like taking apart the kids’ boosters seats and washing them thoroughly. I also tend to do my weekly meal planning and grocery shopping on Mondays since it is the beginning of the week.

And for some reason, it stuck. When Monday arrives, I remind myself it’s “Maintenance Monday” and consider which recurring tasks I can do to get myself set up for the week. What do I need to catch up on that has been on my mind but I haven’t made time for?

Yawn Mondays

This is how I feel on Mondays

It also relates well to work. On Mondays, after the weekend of being off from work, it helps to come in and get set up. I like to review what needs to be done. I don’t know about you, but sometimes it’s really hard for me to get back into work on Monday. This is a great time to complete a couple of small maintenance type tasks, such as follow ups or the technical stuff like website enhancements or updates.

These tasks don’t take as much brain power and concentration for me as working on an in-depth project or writing. And getting started with smaller tasks is often enough to get my creative juices flowing and I can move easily from there into more critical work.

So, if you are anything like me when it comes to schedule rebellion, try picking just one day where you will devote a day to prep work, setting up, catching up, and miscellaneous tasks. I particularly like Mondays because it sets the stage for the week, helps me organize my thoughts, and gives me simple tasks to complete to get started if I am feeling lethargic or slow to start.

But it doesn’t have to be Mondays, and it doesn’t have to be related to maintenance.

How about “Free-for-all Fridays” where you run around the house doing whatever comes to mind?

Or “Take Time Tuesdays” – maybe this is a “you day” where you spend a little extra time in the shower, shave your legs, schedule an exercise class, or hit a bookstore or a coffee shop for some “me” time.

The possibilities are endless. For me, this gets around the rigidity of a typical schedule, and yet it still provides for a regular space in my life to catch up on things that I might not otherwise make time for.

Here are more ideas of things you can do on Maintenance Mondays:

  • Kid’s hygiene
  • Cleaning
  • Deep clean
  • Phone calls
  • Bill pay
  • Schedule appointments
  • Meal Planning
  • Grocery Shopping
  • Organize a space
  • Digital organization

Are you good about using a schedule? I see this concept as fitting nicely into a schedule that you have already created.


Do you have certain tasks that you like to complete on particular days? I’d love to hear your tricks to getting some of the simple things done that are easy to overlook.

Efficiency, My Captor

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680x450-working2My days are ruled by a terrible master. Slave driving and tireless, it never ends and never lessens.

I am not sure where it comes from. Is it left over from being a career woman? Did 15 years in the corporate work force influence me to reevaluate my entire life through the schema of productivity? When did it become so pervasive that it spilled over into my home life?

I see it in our society. I see is all around me. Every other article headline tells how we can be more efficient. How we can push harder. How we can get more done.

This drive conflicts with the biggest thing I’m doing right now.

Raising my kids.

Child rearing and efficiency are like oil and water. They don’t mix, and even if you can get them somewhat combined (shake, shake, shake!), it’s only a matter of time before they are polarized again.

The drive for efficiency leaves me with this aching feeling of never getting enough done. That I should always be multitasking. That any time spent waiting in line or even sitting with my children should also be combined with checking emails and mental preparation of what needs to be done next.

I make endless lists in multiple notebooks, on my phone, or in my mind. I feel compartmentalized to the point of having a fragmented mind at any given time during the day. I struggle to give my 100% attention to any single thing in a single moment.

I am constantly striving to be better at managing it all. But I am never really enjoying anything.

I am barely here.

How can I organize my life so that I can always have the laundry in at just the right time for me to do a certain task before moving it to the dryer? And then another task to fill the space until the drying is done? But I can’t forget it is in there… Can’t forget anything.

How can I fit in playing with and educating the children, while managing the household, planning meals, and cooking? Or working? Will I ever be able to manage going back to a full time career?

450x680-siblingsThe children ask if can I play with them, and more and more I respond with “I have to do this. I have to do that.” So rarely anymore do I feel free enough to prompt play, or join in with them while they play on their own. How must they feel watching their mom consumed by a whirlwind of never-ending tasks?

Why are they not more important to me?

Why can’t I just sit and enjoy? Be present. Ignore the feelings that I should be getting something done. This is doing something. This is doing exactly what I’ve always wanted to do. Have children. Love them. Play with them. Teach them and share their joys.

I love my children. Why is that not enough to calm the itch of productivity? To ease the drive for efficiency. To erase the beckoning of my to do list.

Why do I long for them to sleep so that I can get to work? Are they really so hard to handle? Are they the placeholder in my mind between real times of work and productivity?

Why am I so unsettled by the aimless meandering that is their childhood rhythm?

Time does not hold a child captive. I can remember my four-year-old referring to every meal as dinner. I always corrected her, but it never mattered to her. Dinner was just when she ate.

No amount of urgency moves a child. Because seeing that toy you want to play with is way more fascinating than getting dressed. And you really have no concept that someone may be upset with you for being late – because you don’t even really understand what time is.

But mom does. That clock is ticking. The sound of every second can be deafening under the burden of feeling like nothing gets done. The burden that could potentially be eased if only I could be more efficient during those precious moments of free time and good energy. If I just pushed harder.

And now I must stop. I’m glad that you understand. I thought I was the only one.

I can breathe now.

I think I’ll go see what the kids are up to.

The hell with efficiency.

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