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Why Everyone Needs a Sanity Plan & How to Create One

December 17, 2016 By Sara M. 9 Comments

The Sanity Plan.

What comes to your mind when you read those words?

If I’m correct, most of you already have an idea of what that means. When I mention working on my Sanity Plan, most people tend to nod their head like they intuitively know what I’m talking about.

 

Why Everyone Should Have a Sanity Plan

735x1100-working2I look around me all the time and see the blur of people hurrying, rushing, and trying to get it all done. I see lots of commitments being made, piled up to-do lists, and work with no end in sight. Everyone I know is in high gear. What I don’t see, is people taking time for themselves. Making a plan and carving out space for some sanity in their lives.

This is so important. We can say that we want a break, complain about being overwhelmed and overworked, but nothing is going to happen until we prioritize our well-being.

I’m speaking from experience here, I have 3 kids ranging from 2 to 13 years old. I’m juggling part time work for a startup, managing a rental property, and I help support my husband’s business. I have all the telltale signs of modern life, mountainous piles of laundry, and a to-do list a mile long. You can read more of my story here.

The Goal

The goal is sanity. A balanced schedule and systems that work. So many times, we walk around with a wish list in our heads of things we’d like to change, but nothing changes without a concrete, actionable plan. As my husband likes to say,

“Sanity, you’ve got to PLAN for it.”

680x450-rainbowTry to visualize what a saner version of your life would look like. Can you identify the biggest areas that need work in order to make that happen?

Are you getting enough of the basics: sleep, healthy foods, exercise?

How effectively are you balancing your various roles as an employee (or business owner), partner, parent, family member, etc.?

Do you run your household efficiently, with systems in place for recurring tasks in order to save time and money?

Do you have enough down time for recharging your batteries? When you do have down time, are you choosing the right activities to give you a return of energy?

Everyone’s concept of sanity will vary based on their individual circumstances, values, and preferences. Some people need activities and social time to recharge. Some people, like me, prefer alone time with a good book instead.

The Plan

680x450-working4Now it’s time to get to work. The Sanity Plan has two components. The first is a set of principles that help guide us toward a less complicated life. The principles are available for quick use when you don’t have time for a lengthy decision making process. The second is a set of 5 personalized goals for making improvements in your life.

I have created a list of 10 important principles, but feel free to modify the list to fit your needs. I’ll cover the first principle here, but you can join my Sanity Plan Principles series for a detailed discussion of each.

Be present is the first principle.

I chose this one to be first because I don’t believe that any of us can change without being conscious our lives in real time. How can I see what is not working in my life if I am on autopilot? How can I know why I am angry and irritable with my husband if I cannot slow down and ask myself right then? Am I hungry, am I tired, am I feeling disconnected from my friends, or am I frustrated about something unrelated at work? Or, is it a sore spot between he and I because I haven’t been honest with him about a particular issue?

Being in the moment is the key to making any changes. How can we change anything if we cannot see what it is that needs to change?

Next, we set some high level goals. For this, I recommend setting 5 because more than that could get overwhelming. Don’t worry if you have more, you can write down as many as you like, but DO choose the 5 most important ones to use for your Sanity Plan.

For me, I have a laundry list of things I want to do, work on, and change about myself. The sheer number can easily overwhelm and stall me into complete inactivity. So instead, I set the following goals to prioritize change in certain areas of my life:

  1. Work on improving the kids’ behavior (limit meltdowns, create better routines)
  2. Strengthen my relationship with my husband (date nights, consistent co-parenting)
  3. Make personal care a priority (sleep, exercise schedule, self-care plan)
  4. Create organizational habits and routines (conquer my clutter bug)
  5. Balance my work & creative projects with home life (create effective systems)

There are lots of helpful materials out there on how to set effective goals. If you are not sure, I suggest checking out this strategy or this strategy.

What’s Next?

So far, we have established Principles and Goals for our Sanity Plan. Take time to consider both, and make sure that you have chosen areas that will make the biggest impact in your life.

The next step is all about taking action. Stay tuned for Part 2, where I will cover:

Setting Specific & Timely Goals

Reviewing Your Progress Regularly

 

I’m looking forward to helping you work on your Sanity Plan! Part of my mission on this journey is to connect with other people interested in finding and creating balance in their lives.

 

What is the biggest area of your life that you would like to improve?

 

Filed Under: Wellbeing Tagged With: goals, principles, sanity, sanity plan

A Recipe for Making Your Grown Kids Feel Loved During the Holidays

December 12, 2016 By Sara M. 6 Comments

680x450-turkeyWe just got home from the most amazing holiday trip. What really made it stand out in my mind was the stark contrast to the majority of our other family trips. You know, the ones where you come home so depleted that it takes you days to recover: the exhausting travel, the kids being out of sorts, not sleeping well in a strange place/bed, and way too much talking.

This year, our Thanksgiving trip was the exact opposite. I came home feeling more relaxed, uplifted, and loved than before.

And I can promise you it’s not because we shipped the kids off and spent a week in Tahiti. It was just the perfect combination of great family times and love.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what made it so special. Partially just to understand, but also to boil it down so I can remind myself when our grown children come home to visit us. Especially if they have kids of their own.

Here is the recipe I came up with:

2 Loving Grandparents

My husband’s father and stepmother were amazingly gracious hosts. I never felt like myself, my husband, or the kids were a burden to have in their home for several days. I enjoyed every aspect of spending time with them. I loved watching them get down on my kids’ level and truly engage them. It was so natural. And they were so easygoing that if the kids didn’t say or do exactly the right thing, they just patiently corrected them.

680x450-hugsEach evening when the kids went to bed,we spent hours having great adult conversations. Since we’ve shifted into the parent role ourselves, we compared notes on kids and child-rearing. We dished about all aspects of life and business. My favorite part was getting to hear more stories about their adventures running an international adoption agency. Filled with the details that they can share with us now that we’re not kids anymore.

It was in sharing the deeper aspects of our lives and personal stories that we all got closer, solidifying our bonds at this new stage.

2 Patient Parents

Being in such a great environment helped us remain calm as parents. It takes a real load off when you know that even if your kids act up, it’s not going to ruffle your parent’s feathers. And when we’re calm, the kids are calm.

And the side benefit for us, with a system that works smoothly, we can take our attention off the kids and enjoy each other as husband and wife.

2 Well-behaved Toddlers

At 2 and 4, the kids’ behavior is typically a crap shoot. But this trip was an exception. The circumstances all blended together perfectly to encourage good behavior. They were polite, saying “please” and “thank you” without prodding. They interacted easily with their grandparents, even enjoying one on one time with them without any coercion.

1 Child Friendly House

Being in a well set up and welcoming home is 1,000 times better than living in a single hotel room with 2 toddlers. Their house was surprisingly childproof – this means nothing breakable from 3 feet down. Seriously, their house was actually better set up for toddlers than our own home.

1 iPad

I know, I know: screen time. But… strategically used for transitions, Netflix on the iPad works like a charm.

Great Food and Lots of Wine

It was just a small bonus that my father and step-mother-in-law have taken professional cooking classes and love to drink good wine.

No Schedule

Having a completely flexible schedule was the best gift. Once Thanksgiving Day was behind us, there were no requirements of doing anything at any particular time. This let us all just take a break from the typical rush-rush-rush of our daily grind, and not running the kids around is always easier on them.

The second piece of this was when we did decide to go out, we did kid friendly things. So often, when we spend time with family that don’t also have young kids, we are expected to make the kids endure activities that aren’t appealing to them (think visiting wineries and shopping malls). Instead, we visited an amazing playground downtown, and walked along a scenic waterside park at the kids’ leisurely pace.

680x450-motherdaughterolderThe Secret Sauce

What tied all of the flavors together was the secret sauce. We all love each other because we are family. But getting to know each other at a deeper level allowed us to develop a love based more in friendship and camaraderie than your typical parent-child relationship.

There is something magical about when your parents can appreciate who you’ve become. When they honor your new role as parents and validate your efforts to raise decent human beings. When they look you in the eye, and tell you how proud they are of you. And at once you are both parent and child, strong and soft.

*****

All of these ingredients worked together seamlessly to create the most enjoyable holiday experience. It was refreshing and uplifting enough to easily overcome the exhaustion of traveling more than 10 hours each way in the car with toddlers.

I know that sometimes these ingredients are hard to find, but a couple of strategic tweaks to the recipe might result in a family tradition worth passing down for generations.

Filed Under: Relationships Tagged With: family, grandkids, grandparents, holidays, love, parents, principles, relationships

THE SANITY PLAN PRINCIPLES PART 2– Discover Yourself

October 24, 2016 By Sara M. Leave a Comment

Welcome to the part two of The Sanity Plan Principles series. The second principle is:

discoveryourself

What is “Discovering Yourself?”

When you turn your attention inward to study your own thoughts, feelings, motivations, and preferences, you are “discovering yourself.”

Figuring out who we are is a lifelong journey. Partly because the introspection and self-knowledge takes time, and partly because we change so much throughout the course of our lives.

 

How do you “Discover yourself?”

This brings us back to the first principle, Being Present. In order to learn more about ourselves, we must be willing to slow down and listen.
Listen to and acknowledge our own thoughts and feelings.

680x450-blankcanvasAsk yourself questions. Did you notice a particular reaction you had? Ask yourself, “Why did I react that way?”

Pay attention to your habits and preferences. Do you like to do things in a particular order? Why is that?

Do you prefer to do certain things at certain times of day? Why is that?

 

How does “Discovering Ourselves” help us?

Self-knowledge is a powerful tool. Armed with an understanding of yourself, you can make better decisions that more closely align with your needs.

Knowing who you are helps you communicate more clearly in existing relationships. It is also important when developing new relationships in terms of the people you choose and the way you engage them.

Understanding your unique preferences helps you organize your day and your life in a way that best suits you – whether it is the type of work you do, when and how you complete certain tasks, how you orchestrate family/social time, etc.

 

680x450-relax4My experience

As my mother often reminds me, I am on a journey of “self-discovery.” I tend to have a natural tendency towards this as I am very introspective. I am fascinated to learn about my inner workings, and I also enjoy learning about what makes other people tick. It was part of my drive in pursuing a BA in Psychology.

The more I know about myself, the better equipped I am to handle whatever life throws my way. I have identified certain buttons I struggle with, which makes it easier to realize when I am falling back on an old habit or way of thinking. The ability to recognize a self-characteristic is the first step in being able to use tactics to change it or find a creative solution around it.

Not all characteristics are “bad” per se. I have recently discovered that I am a highly sensitive person. While I love to feel and experience, sometimes it can be overwhelming to others. Because I am aware of this in myself and its effect on others, I can control how much of that sensitivity I reveal.

Or, I am very aware of the fact that I do my best work in the morning when I am fresh and my mind is clear. So, I orchestrate my day in a way that I can dedicate that highly focused time to work or creativity.

 

What methods do you use in order to learn more about yourself? How does it help you to restore Sanity in your life?

 

Next principle: Build Your Network

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TheSanityPlan is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. All products recommended are used personally by us and opinions about them are our own.

Filed Under: Self Discovery, Wellbeing Tagged With: basics, mindfulness, mindset, principles, sanity plan, self-discovery

The Sanity Plan Principles Part 1– Being Present

October 19, 2016 By Sara M. 7 Comments

Welcome to the part one of The Sanity Plan Principles series. The first principle is:

 

text-beingpresent

 

What is Being Present?

Being present, often referred to as mindfulness, is the act of focusing your thoughts on the here and now. To do so is to cultivate a deep, nonjudgmental awareness of your thoughts, external objects/people, or your position in space.

I believe that presence of mind is the fundamental principle before all of the other principles. It is the groundwork that one must do in order to live your life with purpose.

 

How do you become aware?

Presence of mind is a skill that must be learned. And practiced. In this modern life there are endless distractions that pull us away from true experience. We must work diligently to keep them at bay.

There are tons of good resources on how to become more mindful, here are a couple of my favorites:

Deepak Chopra

Leo Babauta

 

How does being present help us?

Being present enhances our internal and external viewpoints. Becoming conscious of your thoughts as you have them sets you on a path of self-discovery. Collecting data from what other people say and the facial expressions they make allows us to better understand their actions and needs. Becoming aware of our place in society and this world helps us to navigate in this world and push for changes wherever needed.

Without awareness, we cannot see what needs to change.

 

My experience

680x450-feetBeing present is equally hard to maintain and important to do. As you may have read in some of my essays, I have been through quite a bit between my parent’s divorce, my mother’s mental illness, my relationship with my stepmom, my special needs kids, etc.

I have to fight really hard to remain present. And when I’m not, the lack of mindfulness definitely takes a toll on my life. I feel very alone, cut off from the people I love and the experiences we are sharing.

The most helpful tactic for me is to feel my surroundings. Feel the steadiness of the ground beneath my feet. Feel the surfaces of tables, walls, or whatever is in my environment. Next, I focus my mind on what other people are saying. I ignore my own inner thoughts, which tend to be loud. It takes a lot of practice, but is easy to maintain once you get rolling.

 

What methods do you use in order to achieve presence of mind? How does it help you to restore Sanity in your life?

 

Next principle: Discover Yourself

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Filed Under: Wellbeing Tagged With: awareness, basics, being present, meditation, mindfulness, principles, sanity plan

The Sanity Plan – 10 Principles to Live By

October 4, 2016 By Sara M. 14 Comments

680x450-writingOne of the best ways to stay focused on improving your life is to define a set of principles to live by. These principles then become the default for when you are not sure on a decision or path to take.

Here are the principles we use to guide us along our Sanity Plan (not sure what a Sanity Plan is? Click here). Each highlighted principle has a linked post explaining it in further detail.

  1. Be present – This above all else. Presence of mind is the key to all the remaining principles; without awareness, one is perpetually stuck in a reactive state of being.
  2. Discover yourself – Be on a “journey of self-discovery.” Self-knowledge will aid in making better decisions based on your unique needs.
  3. Build your network – We cannot do this alone. If you don’t have a built in support network of family and friends, build your own.
  4. Forge close relationships – Worthwhile relationships are as important as food and water. Get past the surface and give more of yourself.
  5. Be solution oriented – Become aware of the problems you face, and take steps to find a better way to tackle each one. Implement on the spot, if possible.
  6. Control your inputs – We are a living in a sea of information and stimulation. Be conscious of creating a filter based on your values.
  7. Create systems – Recurring tasks should be automated to reduce workload.
  8. Reduce obligations/Simplify – Obligations eat away at the balance you are trying to create in your life. Accommodate them sparingly.
  9. Honor your body – Your body is going to carry you through this life. Nourish it with real food, good sleep, and exercise.
  10. Give back – Complete the cycle. As you receive the fruits of your journey, share them with someone else who needs a hand.

I will be covering each of these principles in a separate post, and use them as recurring themes as well. Be sure to follow to join in the conversation!

Would you add anything to this list? What principles do you live by that help keep your life sane?

Filed Under: Self Discovery, Wellbeing Tagged With: mindset, principles, sanity plan, values

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Welcome to THE SANITY PLAN! Here you will find my attempts to restore order in my crazy life post kids. I'm just getting started & I have a lot to say. So far I've written a lot about my perspectives on parenting (sorry, it's where I am at), but I'd love it if you followed my journey to improve my habits, get more organized, redefine my career, and generally live a good life. Or, you can follow just for the entertainment, I promise there will be lots of that. Do you want to learn more about building A Sanity Plan?

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