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How Will You Remember Their Childhood?

November 1, 2016 By Sara M. 27 Comments

680x450-childhood2“I just don’t want to look back on this time as the Dark Ages,” I tell my good friend’s wife. A large group of my college classmates and our kids were visiting a traveling farm last fall.

She sighed, “You probably will.”

This was the hardest thing for me to hear. My son was 8 months old at the time, and my daughter was 2 ¾. I was flying solo for that trip because my husband was away for business. I was a mess. Overwhelmed and exhausted, barely speaking coherent sentences. Trying to manage a willful toddler and a cranky baby.

Out with my classmates, I could barely even remember us all doing our MBAs. Only 6 years had passed but it felt like an eternity. Motherhood had changed everything.

As my son now approaches 2, and my daughter 4, things are so much better. She has improved both socially and emotionally, and she is much more willing to follow instructions and get along. My son is finally crying less, and trying to communicate his needs with words. We’ve settled into a workable routine.

But those words are still echoing through my mind. In 5 years or 10 years, am I still going to be plagued by the difficulty of these early years with my son? Am I going to feel like it was the worst time of my life? Am I going to carry the weight of this deep guilt for falling apart at such a precious time?

I think I easily could. But I don’t want to. I don’t want the film of negativity to color what I remember about my babies’ youngest years. Yes, I will probably always know that it was hard for both my husband and I, an early babyhood gauntlet.

450x680-sandyfeetBut there has been so much more that I have to work to bring to mind.

I am reminded when I go through pictures of all the fun times we’ve had together. Going to the zoo and feeding the giraffes. Going to the beach and building sand castles. My husband and I taking them to swim classes together.

Or painting with water colors outside when it was warm.

Or running around in the rain and jumping in puddles.

Or the times I bundled them up to go play outside in the snow, and they had so much fun that they barely felt the cold.

What about reading to them every single night? And how I slowed down to read at their pace, patiently answered questions, and engaged in endless side stories.

What about all of the conversations we’ve had? About silly things and serious things and everything in between. And poop, lots of poop.

What about the times I chased them around the kitchen island until we were all dizzy and they were squealing with delight? I can still hear their infectious laughter.

680x450-childhood3What about the late night and early morning snuggles? When I found their perfect tickle spots or blew raspberries on their sweet, soft bellies.

And the nursing? I am fond of the time I spent nursing my babies. Dutifully waking through the night to feed them, or before the dawn when they began to sleep longer.

So no, I will not call it the Dark Ages. That is not the right way to remember this season. I will not add stack upon stack of guilt to weigh down the beauty of my babies’ childhood. Yes, it was hard. Yes, I have cried out of frustration and exhaustion.

But I’ve been a mom, a good mom. With a big heart, and lots of love. For every correction, there has been double the amount of warmth and praise. For every difficult time, there were double the experiences of exploration and wonder.

I will remind myself of the goodness, the sweetness, and the simplest joys. The times where my true self shone through. I will let the sleepless nights and the tantrums slip away. I will engrave the good memories onto my heart to remember for always.

 

How will you look back on this period of motherhood? What will you choose?

Filed Under: Parenting, Personal Tagged With: babies, children, guilt, love, meditation, memories, mindset, motherhood, reflections, toddlers

A Sensory Diet ANY Mom Would Envy

October 31, 2016 By Sara M. 2 Comments

Parenting is overwhelming. Babies and toddlers have constant needs, and low thresholds for not having their needs met (read: CRYING). Coupled with the trademark lack of sleep and self-care, many moms feel worn out and exhausted.

One might think a Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) diagnosis smack in the middle of parenting two young kiddos would be depressing. Honestly, I was relieved to have found a way to better understand my struggles as a parent, particularly related to my oversensitivity to touch, sound, and smell. And when I found out the treatment would consist of the following “sensory diet,” I couldn’t be happier. The idea of sensory diet is to find ways to take breaks from stimulation and refill your energy tank (which gets drained by overstimulation).

I think every mom should take a cue from this diet, because as we all know, parenting can be an overtaxing, highly stressful season of life.

680x450-spaCreate a Mom Space

Create a sacred space for yourself. Preferably with a door, my therapist advised. This is a space just for you to decompress, no children allowed (perhaps, hubby too?). This is critical for me because I need alone time to recharge. My brain is moving 1,000 miles per minute and when I am around too many other people and too much talking, I can no longer think clearly. The space should have calming décor and allow for quiet or relaxing sounds such as music.

Feed Your Senses

Replace negative stimulation with positive stimulation. For me, this relates to my overactive sense of smell. I’ll put it this way – I can smell EVERYTHING. I am constantly bombarded with smells, whether good, bad, or neutral. However, the smell of peppermint is super rich and calming for me, so I need to find a way to incorporate this smell into my daily life. I will use a diffuser, candle, or a scented hand cream in order to help me balance the constant bombardment of “displeasing” smells.

Meditation

You can do this anywhere, but it is especially helpful to do in your Mom Space. My therapist suggested the Brainspace app for a guided meditation. Similar to above, meditation gives your brain a break from external stimuli, and centers your focus back to your own needs.

680x450-sleepWeighted Blankets/Lap Pads

Who doesn’t like to snuggle in a nice thick blanket or comforter? It doesn’t just have to be a cold winter night for me to want to cuddle on the couch with a heavy blanket and a good book. Adding extra weight to a blanket provides a calming secure sensation for the body and brain.

Weekly Exercise

I just wrote about how I am implementing this, despite the fact that it is quite possibly my least favorite part of this plan. Regular exercise has countless benefits for everyday physical health as well as recovering from pregnancy related body changes and hormone levels. Exercise also positively affects mental health by improving moods, clarity of thoughts, and more.

Monthly Massages!

My husband balked a little at this one, but I sure got a kick out of it. While I don’t know that we can afford such a luxury, the concept is amazing. Deep pressure work is healing for both the body and mind. Coupled with the time to get away from the busyness of the household, massage can provide a real boost of both relaxation and energy return.

680x450-tea

I know, where do I sign up, right?

 

Do you already do any of the above? What else is a must for taking care of ourselves as mothers?

Filed Under: Wellbeing Tagged With: exercise, meditation, mom space, motherhood, relaxation, self-care, sensory diet

The Sanity Plan Principles Part 1– Being Present

October 19, 2016 By Sara M. 7 Comments

Welcome to the part one of The Sanity Plan Principles series. The first principle is:

 

text-beingpresent

 

What is Being Present?

Being present, often referred to as mindfulness, is the act of focusing your thoughts on the here and now. To do so is to cultivate a deep, nonjudgmental awareness of your thoughts, external objects/people, or your position in space.

I believe that presence of mind is the fundamental principle before all of the other principles. It is the groundwork that one must do in order to live your life with purpose.

 

How do you become aware?

Presence of mind is a skill that must be learned. And practiced. In this modern life there are endless distractions that pull us away from true experience. We must work diligently to keep them at bay.

There are tons of good resources on how to become more mindful, here are a couple of my favorites:

Deepak Chopra

Leo Babauta

 

How does being present help us?

Being present enhances our internal and external viewpoints. Becoming conscious of your thoughts as you have them sets you on a path of self-discovery. Collecting data from what other people say and the facial expressions they make allows us to better understand their actions and needs. Becoming aware of our place in society and this world helps us to navigate in this world and push for changes wherever needed.

Without awareness, we cannot see what needs to change.

 

My experience

680x450-feetBeing present is equally hard to maintain and important to do. As you may have read in some of my essays, I have been through quite a bit between my parent’s divorce, my mother’s mental illness, my relationship with my stepmom, my special needs kids, etc.

I have to fight really hard to remain present. And when I’m not, the lack of mindfulness definitely takes a toll on my life. I feel very alone, cut off from the people I love and the experiences we are sharing.

The most helpful tactic for me is to feel my surroundings. Feel the steadiness of the ground beneath my feet. Feel the surfaces of tables, walls, or whatever is in my environment. Next, I focus my mind on what other people are saying. I ignore my own inner thoughts, which tend to be loud. It takes a lot of practice, but is easy to maintain once you get rolling.

 

What methods do you use in order to achieve presence of mind? How does it help you to restore Sanity in your life?

 

Next principle: Discover Yourself

Sign up below to be notified of all new posts & get inspired to build your own Sanity Plan!

 

Filed Under: Wellbeing Tagged With: awareness, basics, being present, meditation, mindfulness, principles, sanity plan

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Welcome to THE SANITY PLAN! Here you will find my attempts to restore order in my crazy life post kids. I'm just getting started & I have a lot to say. So far I've written a lot about my perspectives on parenting (sorry, it's where I am at), but I'd love it if you followed my journey to improve my habits, get more organized, redefine my career, and generally live a good life. Or, you can follow just for the entertainment, I promise there will be lots of that. Do you want to learn more about building A Sanity Plan?

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