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The Sanity Plan Principles Part 3– Build Your Network

November 10, 2016 By Sara M. 5 Comments

Welcome to part three of The Sanity Plan Principles series. The third principle is:

buildyournetwork

What is a Network?

680x450-networkMost often thought of in terms of work and business relationships, building a network is really important for support in many aspects of life.

Think of a network as a life support system: a collection of people and tools that help keep you functioning at your best.

Most often, the first network you are born into is your family. Early in life, your family determines what you do and who you meet. It often facilitates your initial social network, as parents often decide who their children associate with.

Beyond family, social, and professional networks, some additional network examples are health/networks and services/repair networks.

How do you “Build Your Network?”

Now that we’ve defined what a network is, how can we build one?

Building on the principles of being present and discovering yourself, we must assess the major components of our lives. This will determine the types of networks we need.

Consider your situation: Are you married or single? Do you have kids? Are you financially independent? Are you generally healthy or do you have health concerns?

Once you have determined the kind of network you need to work on, it’s time to take action. Are there people already in your life that can help you meet your needs? If that is not enough, create a plan to expand your resources by either joining similar interest groups or hiring someone to fill in the gaps.

680x450-groupHow does “Building Our Network” help us?

In this interconnected life, it is very difficult to do everything for ourselves. We must rely on other people to fill in our gaps in experience, capability, and capacity.

Trying to be an expert in everything is an exercise in futility. There is simply not enough time or money required for each of us to master every skill needed in this modern life.

Building a network allows us to take advantage of others’ skills, and potentially return the favor with our skills and resources.

My experience

With young children and limited family support, I have been particularly focused on creating a caregiver network.

We have been forced to think outside of traditional resources, and build a custom support network to provide care for our children. After many months of trial and error, we have settled on a part time day care schedule for the 4-year-old and a part time babysitter for the 2-year-old. The babysitter handles them both in the mornings (including travel to and from day care) and I take over when they lay down for their naps. The sitter also watches the kids one evening each week so that my husband and I can go on a date.

We also determined that we needed additional backup care. Our readily available neighbor, with whom we have cultivated a mutual relationship, has graciously offered to be available to pick our kids up from school in an emergency. My mother in law is taking the girls to dance class one day a week, and can be called on for the occasional evening as well.

Each of these elements are carefully chosen pieces of our caregiver puzzle. I also have to be mindful of not overextending my use of the network and giving back where I can.

Have you established all of the networks you need for your Sanity Plan? Are there any that could use a little more cultivation?

Next principle: Forge Close Relationships

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Filed Under: Wellbeing Tagged With: connections, family, networks, social, support

How to Balance Competing Familial Obligations

October 25, 2016 By Sara M. 4 Comments

I frequently encounter competing familial obligations. And when it comes to family, I feel a much stronger urge to oblige, often sacrificing my sanity in the process. The trick is to balance these commitments based on their priority, and be proactive in finding solutions or alternatives if you can’t meet them all.

450x680-carefreeThe Scenario

This past weekend we had earmarked for a Halloween tradition of pumpkin picking and carving at Grandma’s country house. About a week in advance, my single and carefree sister, told me she would be flying into a nearby city. She invited me to spend Saturday night and all of Sunday in the city, just the two of us.

This presented me with a very “tricky” situation as we have a young family that we are trying to establish traditions with. It was further complicated by the fact that I do want to work on having a better relationship with my sister now that my children are getting older (not breastfeeding, etc.).

The Decision Making Process

I was racking my brain for a way to try to make it work. I could take a separate car up to the country house, we could carve pumpkins on Saturday, and I could still make it into the city for a late dinner.

But I was dreading cutting into our weekend at the country and aware of how the kids would feel if I wasn’t there for the whole time. And the teen would be especially aware as she was really the driver in expressing how much this family tradition means to her. Not to mention the additional 5.5 hours that I would have to drive to make it work.

Part of this is a consequence outside of my control. My sister lives very far away, and gave me incredibly short notice to make these plans. Had we known earlier we could have potentially switched our plans given they were not time dependent.

Furthermore, I tend to think of my familial obligations in concentric circles surrounding me. So, the first layer would be our nuclear family (husband & kids), second layer would be our parents and siblings, and the third layer including everyone else.

Having this preset idea helps to stay firm in my prioritization of these commitments. No matter how I looked at it, I just couldn’t see how driving into the city would fit into our Sanity Plan.

The Solution

I talked it over with my husband as well to make sure we were in line. Once we were, I had to approach my sister to let her know the bad news. I was dreading it because I just knew she’d be upset. She has been consistently trying to get time to spend with me alone and I’ve been very slow to accommodate. I accept that this is a normal part of raising babies, but she doesn’t really understand that yet. And she has been really good about putting it aside by spending time with all of us, and being an especially good aunt to our children.

680x450-conversationI was armed with two alternatives to visiting her in the city:

  1. She was welcome to join us for our pumpkin tradition.
  2. I would be willing to fly to her for a long weekend within the next month.

My heart was incredibly relieved to hear that it was no big deal that I wouldn’t be meeting up with her. She knew it was a stretch, but really had just wanted to throw it out there in case it would work. And she was thrilled with my offer to come visit her instead.

This situation had a great outcome (DISCAIMER: it does not always work out that well). My flight is booked and I am excited for a weekend where I can focus on reconnecting with my sister after being incredibly child and family focused for the past 4 years. And we were able to spend an entire weekend, uninterrupted, enriching a family tradition that I hope our children remember with affection for many years to come.

Have you encountered a situation like this recently? How do you balance your familial obligations?

Filed Under: Relationships, Wellbeing Tagged With: family, obligations, priorities, sisters

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Welcome to THE SANITY PLAN! Here you will find my attempts to restore order in my crazy life post kids. I'm just getting started & I have a lot to say. So far I've written a lot about my perspectives on parenting (sorry, it's where I am at), but I'd love it if you followed my journey to improve my habits, get more organized, redefine my career, and generally live a good life. Or, you can follow just for the entertainment, I promise there will be lots of that. Do you want to learn more about building A Sanity Plan?

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