TheSanityPlan

Solutions for finding balance in this crazy world

Why I’m Quitting My Job as My Family’s Therapist

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My resignation has been a long time coming. I know it will be easy to forget and fall back into my old role, but I just can’t do it anymore. It’s not my job, and it never has been. I need to get healthy, and stay healthy for the family that I am raising now.

I have so many reasons, more than anyone would have the patience to read. But, here are the most important ones:

Their Secrets Become My Burdens

I can no longer bear the weight of my family’s secrets. While I honor the fact that I was chosen to be the sole bearer of such intimacies, their secrets have become my painful burdens. As the receiver of a secret, I am not able to do anything with it except keep it. I am stuck, holding it at arm’s length, hoping to be able to keep it far away from my heart and my everyday thoughts.

It Complicates Boundaries

When I try to solve my families’ problems, I put myself in a precarious position. First of all, it encourages too much and inappropriate information to be shared. Secondly, it shifts my role away from being a daughter or a sibling, into a more peer-like or therapist-like role. Sometimes I’ve been successful at separating those roles in the moment, but what is shared typically comes back to haunt me afterwards. I often wish I could “unlearn” certain details about the person or even about my own history that I just didn’t need to know.

It Fosters Selfishness

Don’t get me wrong, I signed up for this role in the first place (or maybe I was brought up to take this role?). I’ve been doing it as long as I can remember. But acting like the family therapist puts me in a position where I am always the helper and the other person is the helped. Which leads to a very one directional relationship, a selfish relationship. I need more than that from a family bond: a two-way relationship of mutual sharing, respectful boundaries, and support.

I’m Caught in the Middle

Being in this position often puts me in the middle between people that I love. This can be by secretly knowing the truth about how the parties really feel about one another. Or, by having to play the neutral party during a public disagreement. I am often stuck trying to deflect ploys to choose a side when I don’t really want to be a participant in the first place.

It Facilitates Gossip

My family loves to gossip. And honestly, I’ve enjoyed being in a position of knowing where most people stand. The problem is that I am becoming aware that if gossip is shared with me, it is also being shared with other members as well. And, of course, this undermines the ability to truly trust each other.

It’s Not Helpful

I can listen and I can give advice if the person is open to it. But other than that, I am not really in a position to help any member of my family change. Even if I were to be brutally honest with them about their behavior, it would most likely be taken as hurtful as opposed to helpful. Plus, I have enough on my own plate as I try to bring up my own children in a productive and healthy way.

It Gets in the Way of Our Relationships

Sometimes I just want to be a daughter or a sister. I don’t want to have to hear about all of the details all the time. It’s one thing to give a little advice here or there, or lend an ear when someone is going through a particularly hard time. But, when it comes to getting through a major mental breakdown or crisis, there are professional people who can help.

*****

I am prepared to be more mindful in my interactions with my family going forward. I know it will take considerable awareness to recognize it happening in the moment and to try to change our style of interaction. I am finally ready to take a stand, teaching each person what kind of sharing I will tolerate. I will redefine my role with purpose, enforcing boundaries that are more appropriate for parent-child or sibling relationships.

 

What is your role within your family? Does it feel good to you? What would you change about your relationships?

Hey Mom, Stop Trying to Do It All!

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What do you think would happen if you stopped trying to do everything on your own? Stopped jumping in to be the first person to change the baby, grab a toddler a cup of water, or offer to set up a doctor’s appointment for your husband?

680x450-stressedmomWhat would happen?

Are you scared that everything would fall apart?

Do you think that you are the only one that can do it correctly?

Do you feel like you should do it, because it’s your job?

Well, stop.

Take my word and try it out. What’s the worst that can happen? Things don’t get done, oh well. But the potential upside… what if someone else just jumps in to fill in the gap?

As moms, we put the world on our own shoulders. Yes, we are often the ones primarily responsible for running the household and raising our kids. But sometimes the importance of our role gets a bit blown out of proportion, and we begin to think that we are the ones who must do everything. Or, we may decide that sometimes it’s just easier to do it all ourselves rather than wait for someone else to help us.

There are so many problems with trying to do it all. One commonly discussed fact is that moms tend to neglect themselves in the child-rearing process. But there are other reasons why we should step aside and let other people in our households contribute to the family or learn to do things for themselves.

The Husbands

From what I’ve seen, most husbands actually want to help. I tend to be controlling and have a very specific idea about how certain things (like everything!) should be done. So, in raising our kids, I pretty much took over the majority of childcare tasks. The downside to this is that my husband:

a) didn’t know the process for a lot of things

b) felt discouraged about helping with the kids because he “couldn’t do anything right”

c) wouldn’t take initiative to take care of them when I wanted him to

I’ve improved in this area recently, now that the kids are 2 and 4. I was eating lunch the other day after everyone else had finished eating (isn’t that always the way?), and the little man cooked up a particularly stinky diaper. I had to fight the urge to stop mid-eating and go get it handled while everyone else complained about the stench. And you know what? My husband saw that I was still eating and took care of the offending mess. No questions, no complaints, he just got it done.

Another big change I’ve made is that I schedule time for myself. I will book something for myself for an evening when my husband is home. Or I will “book” some time for a task that I need to get done on the weekend, uninterrupted. I do not ask permission to take this time because other than “work time,” the kids are our shared responsibility.

The Kids

The kids need you to stop doing EVERYTHING for them. If you are like me, you will be surprised at what they can manage for themselves.

I used to do everything for my 4-year-old daughter. Now, when I suggest that she do something that I know she is perfectly capable of doing (like getting dressed), she will refuse, saying “I don’t know how.”

My eyes were truly opened to this when I enrolled my son in daycare when he was one, and I stayed with the class the first day to observe. The teachers had all these little one-year-olds doing things for themselves that I had never even tried to do at home. The best one was that they all laid down by themselves on their little mats to nap. We ended up deciding that daycare wasn’t the right option for him, but the message stuck with me.

I now push both kids to do as much as they can for themselves. I make sure to allow for enough time for them to complete each task, knowing that they may not do it right the first time (or the second). Time and extra patience are required!

735x1100-fathersonThe Upside

I have seen so many changes in our family since I stopped trying to do everything myself. My husband is jumping in a lot more to assist the kids with whatever they need. He is taking time to play with our children and I am thrilled to see that he is getting closer with them. Best of all, the balance for tending to their needs, whether initiated by the kids or by us, is becoming more even. Some of this is definitely due to their getting older and more independent, but also a direct result of my stepping back from the do-it-all (know-it-all) role.

I can tell that the kids feel a real sense of empowerment. They get the rhythm of our daily lives and get to participate in their own self-care. They are more willing to learn and try to do new things for themselves because of the new attitude we are cultivating.

The best part of all? I get to breathe a little more. Read a book once in a while. Eat a hot meal, and actually taste it.

A Recipe for Making Your Grown Kids Feel Loved During the Holidays

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680x450-turkeyWe just got home from the most amazing holiday trip. What really made it stand out in my mind was the stark contrast to the majority of our other family trips. You know, the ones where you come home so depleted that it takes you days to recover: the exhausting travel, the kids being out of sorts, not sleeping well in a strange place/bed, and way too much talking.

This year, our Thanksgiving trip was the exact opposite. I came home feeling more relaxed, uplifted, and loved than before.

And I can promise you it’s not because we shipped the kids off and spent a week in Tahiti. It was just the perfect combination of great family times and love.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what made it so special. Partially just to understand, but also to boil it down so I can remind myself when our grown children come home to visit us. Especially if they have kids of their own.

Here is the recipe I came up with:

2 Loving Grandparents

My husband’s father and stepmother were amazingly gracious hosts. I never felt like myself, my husband, or the kids were a burden to have in their home for several days. I enjoyed every aspect of spending time with them. I loved watching them get down on my kids’ level and truly engage them. It was so natural. And they were so easygoing that if the kids didn’t say or do exactly the right thing, they just patiently corrected them.

680x450-hugsEach evening when the kids went to bed,we spent hours having great adult conversations. Since we’ve shifted into the parent role ourselves, we compared notes on kids and child-rearing. We dished about all aspects of life and business. My favorite part was getting to hear more stories about their adventures running an international adoption agency. Filled with the details that they can share with us now that we’re not kids anymore.

It was in sharing the deeper aspects of our lives and personal stories that we all got closer, solidifying our bonds at this new stage.

2 Patient Parents

Being in such a great environment helped us remain calm as parents. It takes a real load off when you know that even if your kids act up, it’s not going to ruffle your parent’s feathers. And when we’re calm, the kids are calm.

And the side benefit for us, with a system that works smoothly, we can take our attention off the kids and enjoy each other as husband and wife.

2 Well-behaved Toddlers

At 2 and 4, the kids’ behavior is typically a crap shoot. But this trip was an exception. The circumstances all blended together perfectly to encourage good behavior. They were polite, saying “please” and “thank you” without prodding. They interacted easily with their grandparents, even enjoying one on one time with them without any coercion.

1 Child Friendly House

Being in a well set up and welcoming home is 1,000 times better than living in a single hotel room with 2 toddlers. Their house was surprisingly childproof – this means nothing breakable from 3 feet down. Seriously, their house was actually better set up for toddlers than our own home.

1 iPad

I know, I know: screen time. But… strategically used for transitions, Netflix on the iPad works like a charm.

Great Food and Lots of Wine

It was just a small bonus that my father and step-mother-in-law have taken professional cooking classes and love to drink good wine.

No Schedule

Having a completely flexible schedule was the best gift. Once Thanksgiving Day was behind us, there were no requirements of doing anything at any particular time. This let us all just take a break from the typical rush-rush-rush of our daily grind, and not running the kids around is always easier on them.

The second piece of this was when we did decide to go out, we did kid friendly things. So often, when we spend time with family that don’t also have young kids, we are expected to make the kids endure activities that aren’t appealing to them (think visiting wineries and shopping malls). Instead, we visited an amazing playground downtown, and walked along a scenic waterside park at the kids’ leisurely pace.

680x450-motherdaughterolderThe Secret Sauce

What tied all of the flavors together was the secret sauce. We all love each other because we are family. But getting to know each other at a deeper level allowed us to develop a love based more in friendship and camaraderie than your typical parent-child relationship.

There is something magical about when your parents can appreciate who you’ve become. When they honor your new role as parents and validate your efforts to raise decent human beings. When they look you in the eye, and tell you how proud they are of you. And at once you are both parent and child, strong and soft.

*****

All of these ingredients worked together seamlessly to create the most enjoyable holiday experience. It was refreshing and uplifting enough to easily overcome the exhaustion of traveling more than 10 hours each way in the car with toddlers.

I know that sometimes these ingredients are hard to find, but a couple of strategic tweaks to the recipe might result in a family tradition worth passing down for generations.

How to Keep Long Distance Family Involved in Your Kids’ Lives

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As we become more and more of a global society, families will continue to be scattered across the world. My children’s grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins live in 6 different states. And beyond that, many of our relatives live in different countries.
This changes the dynamic quite a bit when you are raising a family and still want to keep everyone involved in your children’s lives.

Here is how we’ve been doing it:

  1. Staying ConnectedUse a video conferencing application

Currently, we use Facetime because it’s so easy to do straight on your phone and most of our family members have iPhones. For those that don’t, we use Skype, which is also great for connecting via video.

It is so helpful for our kids to be able to see who they are talking with on video, instead of just a phone call with audio. This way they can easily connect the voice with the face. And it’s always fun for them to get to see what is going on at the other person’s house, interact with pets, etc.

  1.  Send out regular updates

Since the kids were born, I have sent out an email update about their progress. Typical things I include are height, weight, firsts (first time doing something), favorites (food, toys, books, shows), new words & sayings, motor skills, communication skills, comprehension skills, play skills, and cute stories.

I do this with email, but there are so many ways to do it now. On Facebook, you could create a family and friends distribution list or even create a completely separate family and friends group.

  1. Make sharable gift lists

When people aren’t able to interact with your kids every day, it is often hard for them to know what to buy for your kids. We always get asked what do the kids need and want, and it’s hard to parse out ideas and remember who is taking care of what.

We solve this by using Amazon’s wish list feature. This is a great free service where you can specifically list all of the items you want for your kids. There is even a desktop widget you can download that allows non-Amazon items to be added. Two huge pluses for this service are that when items are purchased they are hidden from the list (avoiding duplication of gifts) and the purchaser has the option to send the items directly to the preloaded address (very similar to their baby registry, which I also loved).

Shop Amazon’s Holiday Toy List – Top 100

  1. Use video sharing platforms

I use video sharing if I want to convey something more than a picture. Due to the size of videos it can be harder to share via email or text, so I typically upload videos to my private Youtube channel. If you do this with videos of your children, you definitely want to explore the different privacy settings. I have mine set to unlisted so that random people won’t find my videos in search, you can only access with a direct link.

I typically include a video with my updates (see above), but I also like to share videos of my children opening their gifts, or any special events that family member couldn’t attend.

*****

There are lots of different ways to engage with family even if they live far away. It definitely takes extra work to manage these additional communications, but I love seeing my children being able to connect with people that are important to us.

How do you connect with your long-distance family? Do you use any other applications to stay connected?

 

TheSanityPlan is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. All products recommended are used personally by us and opinions about them are our own.

A Family in Crisis

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680x450-huggingDo you know what a family in crisis looks like? Would you be able to tell? I am not talking about the crises that are apparent to an outsider, such as a death or an accident or a family being displaced from their home. I am talking about the subtler kinds of crises, the ones that are less evident, impacting the family by eroding the structure from within. Perhaps caused by sickness or mental illness or even financial troubles.

I am not sure that people could really see how much we were struggling. From the outside, we seemed like such a typical family. A working dad and a stay at home mom. Enough money to be comfortable. Two little ones and a well-behaved teenager.

The people we’d see regularly would dote on our family. That we were so kind and so happy and always put together. “Your kids are so good; they are so smart!” “You guys are really amazing.” “Such great parents.”

But no amount of weariness on our faces or even our light-hearted complaints could key people in to our struggles, our burdens. Sure, they noticed when we declined invitations to come out. Maybe they did hear us when we explained that we were tired and stressed and overwhelmed. Perhaps everyone just wrote it off to the stage of parenting two little ones. Or, people saw it but didn’t know how to help.

But I don’t think they really knew.

It’s been a three-year long struggle. And I think I can really only see it now that we are beginning to emerge from the worst of it now.

Our Crisis

Going back three years, I was having a miserable pregnancy with my son. Working full time, I battled with exhaustion and vomiting throughout most of the pregnancy. My daughter, just 2 at the time, was really struggling socially. Screaming if other children came anywhere near her and having a complete breakdown every day on the way to daycare. She wouldn’t allow anyone else other than my husband or I to pick her up or do anything for her. Her over-stimulation led to daily tantrums.

450x680-motherson2When my son was born, it only compounded our troubles. He was the loudest, most unhappy baby. He screamed every day for his first year. We tried everything, but our only true fix was time, and we would have to wait it out.

The final straw was my stepdaughter coming to live with us when the little man was 6 months old. While it had always been a possibility, and it was absolutely necessary at the time, it was still very difficult to incorporate her into our already strained household.

I was falling apart. I most likely had postpartum depression. I was struggling to keep up with even basic tasks, feeling overwhelmed and helpless most days. I couldn’t understand why I was struggling so much with the kids.

My husband responded by withdrawing emotionally. The kids were too loud: a combination of rowdiness, screaming, and tantrums. And he felt torn between my needs and his daughter’s needs. Our marriage suffered.

Our Healing Process

What saved us is that we are fighters. We got up every day and did what needed to be done. We were careful with our words and tried our best to understand where each other was coming from. When we married, we decided that divorce was not an option after what we’d both been through. So, we picked ourselves up and sought help.

We got family counseling with my stepdaughter to open the lines of communication. We saw a marriage counselor to remind us how to get back on the same page. We discovered our youngest daughter’s Sensory Processing Disorder.

We set a course for healing and integrating our unique family closer together. And slowly, we’ve been emerging. Like a groundhog poking it’s head up above the cold earth in the early spring light. We’ve come up to the surface to see that the ground is beginning to thaw and the fog is lifting.

 

I look around with new eyes now. I know we were not particularly ashamed or trying to hide our struggles. The crisis actually turns you incredibly inward facing. I barely remember being aware of what was going on outside of our little nucleus. We were so focused, desperately searching for solutions and trying everything we could.

Would you have seen our struggles? The distant look in our eyes? Would you have known that we were a family trying every day just to survive? Muscling through the roughest patches, waiting for time to make things better.

It’s a gift I have now, though. Now I can see. As I take this hard time, pack it in a box and put it away on a shelf, I can look around me now and see a little deeper into people’s lives. I am more aware to read between the lines, to look past what people say and look at their faces. I might reach down in there and offer a hand. And I’ll tell them that I know it’s hard, we’ve been there too.

Daughter, There’s Only So Much I Can Change

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This post was originally published on BluntMoms.

Hello child. I’m your mom. I love you with all my heart, but there’s only so much I can change.

I am standing here in the spotlight. I am center stage for all eyes directed at me. At every move, at every decision, and at everything I say. I am the center piece for all to scrutinize. The most tolerable are the judgments that are shared directly (as long as they are not said in front of my kids). Then, there are the opinions hidden between seemingly sweet and innocuous lines of normal conversation, and the ones cloaked in good intentions. The worst are the ones that you hear about after the fact, the ones that were discussed behind your back. Perhaps amongst your loved ones. Those are the criticisms that hurt the most.

Motherhood Changes YouOur parents make comments. Other parents make comments. Schools make comments. Hell, even strangers make comments. There is no end to the constant critique of who I am, your mother.

Too much of this, too little of that. Not enough saccharine in my tone when I’m reminding you for the 100th time not to interrupt (because I haven’t been able to complete a sentence for years). Heaven forbid I lose my temper in front of any of these onlookers. “Wow, she really yells a lot.” “Did you see how mad she got?” “They’re just kids.” They will never see the sheer number of times that I held it together while you dished it out.

And when I’ve finally put you to bed for the night, I can stay up for hours reading “how-to” lists on how to be a better mom than I am. I head to the internet to be judged some more. Look at all those moms who really have it together. Who have so much more energy, who get so much more done. How to be more patient. How to head off tantrums. How-to this, how-to that.

When I am done taking the abuse from the world all around me, I am left alone with the most critical person of all. No one will be harsher on me than I am. I am constantly trying to be a better person for you. I make commitments to be patient no matter what you throw my way. To be calm and use simple punishments. I have taken so much advice and although you’ll never know, I have already changed so much.

I have turned myself completely inside out. I live for you and your brother. I spend all day thinking of you. I do my best to meet all of your needs for love and attention and stimulation. I live in service of your nourishment, growth, and development.

I am fighting a daily battle. I must overcome all of my own wounds and scars, many that I didn’t even know were there until you were born. How could I have been so optimistic for motherhood when my own examples were far from ideal? Every day I must fight down the unhealthy high expectations and constant critique that were the predominant theme of my tender years. I mourn my loss of innocence as I diligently try to protect your own. Sometimes that means protecting you from me.

But there is only so much I can change. I am who I am. I will always be blunt and direct, and expect you to obey a direct request. I am willing to negotiate, but my final answer is my final answer. I will always be intolerant of messes. I will laugh at your jokes, but I tend to be serious. I am feminine and strong, but there’ll be times when I’m sad. I love to hold you close, but also need my own space, my own room to think and to breathe.

I hope you will see all of me. The good and the bad, my joys and my pain, and understand me one day. Just like I understand you. I was the first person to hear your words, and the first person you let go of to walk on your own. I accept your quirks and your sense of humor. I take the tantrums in stride, even when they are directed at me. I’ve been hurt when you lashed out because life doesn’t go according to your plans. I have loved you through it because I know that you are who you are.

My daughter.

The Sanity Plan Principles Part 3– Build Your Network

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Welcome to part three of The Sanity Plan Principles series. The third principle is:

buildyournetwork

What is a Network?

680x450-networkMost often thought of in terms of work and business relationships, building a network is really important for support in many aspects of life.

Think of a network as a life support system: a collection of people and tools that help keep you functioning at your best.

Most often, the first network you are born into is your family. Early in life, your family determines what you do and who you meet. It often facilitates your initial social network, as parents often decide who their children associate with.

Beyond family, social, and professional networks, some additional network examples are health/networks and services/repair networks.

How do you “Build Your Network?”

Now that we’ve defined what a network is, how can we build one?

Building on the principles of being present and discovering yourself, we must assess the major components of our lives. This will determine the types of networks we need.

Consider your situation: Are you married or single? Do you have kids? Are you financially independent? Are you generally healthy or do you have health concerns?

Once you have determined the kind of network you need to work on, it’s time to take action. Are there people already in your life that can help you meet your needs? If that is not enough, create a plan to expand your resources by either joining similar interest groups or hiring someone to fill in the gaps.

680x450-groupHow does “Building Our Network” help us?

In this interconnected life, it is very difficult to do everything for ourselves. We must rely on other people to fill in our gaps in experience, capability, and capacity.

Trying to be an expert in everything is an exercise in futility. There is simply not enough time or money required for each of us to master every skill needed in this modern life.

Building a network allows us to take advantage of others’ skills, and potentially return the favor with our skills and resources.

My experience

With young children and limited family support, I have been particularly focused on creating a caregiver network.

We have been forced to think outside of traditional resources, and build a custom support network to provide care for our children. After many months of trial and error, we have settled on a part time day care schedule for the 4-year-old and a part time babysitter for the 2-year-old. The babysitter handles them both in the mornings (including travel to and from day care) and I take over when they lay down for their naps. The sitter also watches the kids one evening each week so that my husband and I can go on a date.

We also determined that we needed additional backup care. Our readily available neighbor, with whom we have cultivated a mutual relationship, has graciously offered to be available to pick our kids up from school in an emergency. My mother in law is taking the girls to dance class one day a week, and can be called on for the occasional evening as well.

Each of these elements are carefully chosen pieces of our caregiver puzzle. I also have to be mindful of not overextending my use of the network and giving back where I can.

Have you established all of the networks you need for your Sanity Plan? Are there any that could use a little more cultivation?

Next principle: Forge Close Relationships

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How to Balance Competing Familial Obligations

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I frequently encounter competing familial obligations. And when it comes to family, I feel a much stronger urge to oblige, often sacrificing my sanity in the process. The trick is to balance these commitments based on their priority, and be proactive in finding solutions or alternatives if you can’t meet them all.

450x680-carefreeThe Scenario

This past weekend we had earmarked for a Halloween tradition of pumpkin picking and carving at Grandma’s country house. About a week in advance, my single and carefree sister, told me she would be flying into a nearby city. She invited me to spend Saturday night and all of Sunday in the city, just the two of us.

This presented me with a very “tricky” situation as we have a young family that we are trying to establish traditions with. It was further complicated by the fact that I do want to work on having a better relationship with my sister now that my children are getting older (not breastfeeding, etc.).

The Decision Making Process

I was racking my brain for a way to try to make it work. I could take a separate car up to the country house, we could carve pumpkins on Saturday, and I could still make it into the city for a late dinner.

But I was dreading cutting into our weekend at the country and aware of how the kids would feel if I wasn’t there for the whole time. And the teen would be especially aware as she was really the driver in expressing how much this family tradition means to her. Not to mention the additional 5.5 hours that I would have to drive to make it work.

Part of this is a consequence outside of my control. My sister lives very far away, and gave me incredibly short notice to make these plans. Had we known earlier we could have potentially switched our plans given they were not time dependent.

Furthermore, I tend to think of my familial obligations in concentric circles surrounding me. So, the first layer would be our nuclear family (husband & kids), second layer would be our parents and siblings, and the third layer including everyone else.

Having this preset idea helps to stay firm in my prioritization of these commitments. No matter how I looked at it, I just couldn’t see how driving into the city would fit into our Sanity Plan.

The Solution

I talked it over with my husband as well to make sure we were in line. Once we were, I had to approach my sister to let her know the bad news. I was dreading it because I just knew she’d be upset. She has been consistently trying to get time to spend with me alone and I’ve been very slow to accommodate. I accept that this is a normal part of raising babies, but she doesn’t really understand that yet. And she has been really good about putting it aside by spending time with all of us, and being an especially good aunt to our children.

680x450-conversationI was armed with two alternatives to visiting her in the city:

  1. She was welcome to join us for our pumpkin tradition.
  2. I would be willing to fly to her for a long weekend within the next month.

My heart was incredibly relieved to hear that it was no big deal that I wouldn’t be meeting up with her. She knew it was a stretch, but really had just wanted to throw it out there in case it would work. And she was thrilled with my offer to come visit her instead.

This situation had a great outcome (DISCAIMER: it does not always work out that well). My flight is booked and I am excited for a weekend where I can focus on reconnecting with my sister after being incredibly child and family focused for the past 4 years. And we were able to spend an entire weekend, uninterrupted, enriching a family tradition that I hope our children remember with affection for many years to come.

Have you encountered a situation like this recently? How do you balance your familial obligations?

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