TheSanityPlan

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Why It’s Important to Establish a SURVIVAL MODE

March 14, 2018 By Sara M. Leave a Comment

Life gets crazy sometimes. I often don’t even notice it sneaking up on me, until I begin to experience the tell tale signs:

My shoulders tighten. I catch myself not breathing. I feel panicked. My mind swirls with so many tasks that I can’t determine what to do first.

When I do realize it, I have to revert back to my Sanity Plan (which I most likely ignored to get so overwhelmed in the first place).

What am I spending my time on?

Does it accomplish my primary objectives?

If not, those things have got to go.

But what about the circumstances when I can’t chop anything off my list? Occasionally this happens, and recently it’s been happening a lot.

What can I do to survive when things are so busy that I barely feel functional at all?

That’s where ‘Survival Mode’ comes in.

This is a life saving function that everyone must establish to get you through the toughest times. Sometimes these periods of time can be planned for, as in both of my most recent cases. The delivery of a new baby allows for major time to prep and plan. A scheduled surgery? It depends on how long you know in advance, but mostly you should have a good amount of time to get into gear.

Of course, there’s the unplanned stuff. Accidents and injuries, job layoffs, etc. Which is why you need to think about a survival plan even when times are good.

I think of ‘Survival Mode’ as your lowest default setting. It can be similar to the low power mode that is utilized on your computer or smart phone. This setting reduces the power draw of all activities in order to conserve precious battery life.

Ask yourself:

What is the bare minimum that I can do but still keep my life going?

 

So, what does my survival mode look like?

I am a mother of 4 and a freelance writer, and both of those jobs come with their fair share of obligations.

What can I cut?

Because my family does not rely on my income, as painful as it is, I can finish up my current jobs and stop requesting new work. It takes more effort to reboot my jobs again after a break, but sometimes it’s unavoidable.

When it comes to mom and homelife, this gets a bit trickier. Little people have certain needs no matter what mom is going through. I use the following shortcuts to free up some time:

  • Do prep work: laundry, pay bills in advance, cleaning, fully stocked fridge, frozen meals, etc.
  • Ask for help from family
  • Assign more tasks to household members
  • Hire a sitter to add another set of hands
  • Make less elaborate meals or order takeout
  • Cut unnecessary tasks: No dusting or mopping, spot clean as necessary and plan to deep clean when things calm down
  • Say no to social events/obligations

‘Survival Mode’ is the only way I was able to get through my recent hernia repair surgery. As I expected from my research, my recovery was way more difficult than recovery from childbirth. To top it all off, I had a 7 week old newborn and it was scheduled for over the Christmas holidays (a story for another time). I was unable to do much of anything for the first 4 days, and then unable to lift more than 15 pounds for the remainder of the first two weeks. After that I was able to resume normal activities with the lifting weight still capped at 25 pounds until 6 weeks.

How did we handle it?

My husband and I went over in advance all of the details of what I would and would not be able to do. The upside to doing it over the holiday break, was there were more hands around to help and less chauffeuring that I needed to do. We kept our holiday plans to a minimum and RSVPed tentatively to all of the ones that we could not decline. I worked to get as much as I could done ahead of time (Christmas prep and kid prep mostly), and whatever I couldn’t get to was managed by other people. (Hello huge lesson in letting go!)

Childbirth and surgery are pretty major. But a ‘Survival Mode’ can be useful even more much smaller time periods or events. Is Christmas a really hectic season for you? What about when you get a cold that knocks you on your behind? Or, is there a particular time at work that requires strenuous hours and burns up all of your energy?

Having an established ‘survival mode’ can ease these transitions by allowing you to fall into a comfortable routine of reduced work load. This week a nasty cold has laid me out during the middle of trade show season and my husband being away. Having some of these mechanisms in place really prepared me for managing the kids on my own with a 101.7 fever.

The best part of ‘Survival Mode?’

Getting back to normal.

Do you have a framework in place for what you can do when things get difficult? I’d love to hear how other families manage these types of scenarios.

 

Filed Under: Parenting, Work/Life Tagged With: life, survive

I’m Not JUST a Stay at Home Mom

September 11, 2017 By Sara M. 8 Comments

Am I?

It’s certainly how I’ve thought of myself for the past three years, ever since I was laid off from my Finance position at a Fortune 500 company. I haven’t done any “traditional” or “full-time” work since.

Sure, there’s the argument that staying home with the kids is work. Which it most definitely is. And I’m certainly busy. In fact, most days I wonder how I ever used to work at all. But even without a full-time job, my list of domestic failings is so long that I often wonder:

“What am I doing wrong?!”

It’s pretty typical that I compare my shortcomings to other mothers’ accomplishments. One day my husband was describing in full detail watching his grandmother make pies from scratch, painstakingly crafting and rolling out the pie crust by hand. I listened intently as he reminisced about the unbelievable buttery taste, superior to any store-bought creation that passes as dessert today. To which I remarked, “I don’t know how mothers used to have time to do that.” I have NEVER EVER made any pie crust by hand. It simply would take too much time (and require more patience and skill than I currently possess). But it’s not just the baking, it’s the stories of mothers who sewed clothes for their children, ironed their husband’s shirts, grew their own fruits and vegetables, made every meal from scratch, and on and on.

When I voiced my inadequacy, my husband put it simply, “You’re not really a stay at home mom.”

I’m not? It certainly feels that way most days. I handle the kids 100% during the day while my husband works and we share the responsibilities at night. I feed the family their meals, including my husband when he is working from home. I do never-ending laundry and try to keep the mess from overtaking all of our spaces. I handle groceries and supplies. I cart the kids to and fro. That’s all stay at home mom material.

It’s only reinforced by the fact that I can see that my Facebook posts are primarily about our children and family. My husband will be talking about business with me (one of my favorite topics, seriously!), and my mind will wander to wondering when I can take the kids apple picking. Where the children are at developmentally is one of my go-to conversations. And our friends and family are so used to the idea that I am home with the kids, that no one ever bothers to ask me what I might be doing beyond homemaking.

Yet my husband is right, I actually do so much more.

I am an investor.

I spend a minimum of 1-2 hours per weekday reading business news related to my investments. I am running several different investment strategies across 5 brokerage accounts, which takes time to manage. In addition, I have also been teaching my husband about the stock market and helping him develop his own strategies according to his risk tolerance. At this time, my taxable portfolio is my largest source of income, between $15-20k per year.

I help my husband with his business.

I don’t have as much time to devote as I used to, but I jump in to cover the office while he is away. Because I worked with him for many years and am familiar with the business, I often am his sounding board for problems he encounters.

I am a writer.

For one, I run this blog. Second, I am freelance writing for other sites. Third, I did copy-writing for a company that needed Amazon product pages rewritten. These jobs haven’t added up to a whole lot of income this year, but it was WORK.

When I consider these and other jobs I maintain, it’s easier to see why I am ALWAYS feeling behind on my domestic tasks. I mean, there’s also the fact that I don’t particularly like cleaning and organizing. But when I add up all the hours spent on traditionally non-SAHM tasks, I can see where my husband is coming from.

And I am not the only one. I know many, many other mothers who might appear from the outside to be Stay at Home Moms, but they are all doing more than just the mom thing. I know people who volunteer, do photography, teach or tutor, freelance in various capacities, or do creative work like making jewelry or art. In fact, I know more of these types of hybrid moms than the more traditional ones.

This post is not intended to devalue anyone who is solely a Stay at Home Mom. I sometimes wish that I could just manage the kids and the household and do nothing else. And then I come back to the reality that I am not particularly well suited for that kind of work and devotion. Keeping my mind occupied with the other things I do really helps to keep me sane.

What about you? Are you a SAHM? What else do you do that doesn’t typically fall under that description?

Filed Under: Parenting, Work/Life Tagged With: family, goals, kids, motherhood, reflections, SAHM, WAHM, work

How Working Moms Can “Drop the Ball” – A Book Review

July 25, 2017 By Sara M. 15 Comments

taking notesI picked up Tiffany Dufu’s book “Drop the Ball” on a whim during my last trip to the library. With an endorsement on the front from Sheryl Sandberg and a foreword penned by Gloria Steinem, I figured this book was worth a read. And I am very glad I took the chance. This is the first book I’ve read in quite some time where I felt like I was learning something new on every page and it even inspired me to write pages of notes and reactions (like I was back in school all over again!).

Dufu utilizes her extensive background in the field of advancement for women, detailed scientific research, as well as her own personal experiences to send the message that working mothers can indeed learn to stop trying to do it all.

The Why

Drop the Ball seeks to address the following questions:

Why do working moms stall out when they reach middle management instead of joining the ranks of leadership in equal ratios to men?

Why are these women burning out, experiencing increased rates of crippling stress and depression?

According to Dufu, both questions point to the same answer. Women with families are taking on too much. Gender stereotyping to “own” the household, regardless of having a career, forces women to essentially work two full time jobs.

The Solution

drop the ball“Drop the Ball” is filled with practical advice on how to go about obtaining better balance between career and home life. I love how Dufu addresses the problem here, instead of blaming society or men for this problem, she focuses on how women need to be assertive to push back against these gender norms.

So, how can we learn to drop the ball?

  • Evaluate what is important to you and then decide if you are best utilizing your time and talents to meet those goals
  • Analyze the tasks needed to run your household (Dufu uses an excel spreadsheet) and work to balance them in a more equitable way, keeping in mind that some tasks can be dropped completely (if they don’t meet goals in first bullet)
  • Let go of tasks assigned to other people and you may be surprised at the result (Dufu calls this Home Control Disease or HCD and as long as we hold onto this habit, we will never be free to pursue more important things)

The Hidden Gems

The further I got into the book, the more impressed I became with how Dufu thinks. I want to highlight a couple of gems that I really appreciated in her work.

  • Do not take for granted the work our husbands already do to help support our households – Dufu shares an experience similar to my own when she sits down with her husband to list out all of the household tasks and is surprised by the things she was unaware that her husband handled. I imagine this is a common experience for women and enforces the need for this exercise to be done with an open mind (instead of accusations and anger).
  • Just because men do it differently than we would… doesn’t make it wrong. This is so important in terms of us learning how to let go of tasks. Dufu refers to detailed lists she left for her husband, expecting him to manage the kids exactly in the way that she would. I actually went through a similar mindset with my husband prior to having kids, when we worked together for his business. It was an eye opening experience for me to learn that my way of doing things was not the only way to get it done (and not even the optimal method at times!).
  • Men are suffering from gender stereotypes when it comes to family life as well. Dufu uses a personal example of being outraged that her husband was telling prospective employers that his wife was nagging him to spend more time at home. When she approached him, she learned that he was scared to be ridiculed (and not hired) if he truthfully explained his own commitment to his family. It was much more culturally acceptable for the wife to be forcing this change that for it to come from an internal desire. This experience highlights how we need to buck the trends that are not supportive of men being just as involved in family life and household management. One solution Dufu brings to light here is that companies can incorporate leave and flexible work policies for both men and women and adapt a culture that allows men to take advantages of such programs without stigma or penalty.

Overall, an enlightening read on a timely topic dear to many a working mother’s heart. I highly recommend “Drop the Ball” for all women who seek to find balance in their domestic lives, carving a more equitable future for generations to come.

TheSanityPlan is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. All products recommended are used personally by us and opinions about them are our own.

Filed Under: Parenting, Wellbeing, Work/Life Tagged With: balance, communication, goals, marriage, motherhood, productivity, work

What Do I Want to Do When I Grow Up?

June 30, 2017 By Sara M. 5 Comments

questionsThis question.

It plays over and over again in my mind. Sometimes it plagues me. Sometimes it’s more of a nagging itch. Other times it arrives with a shrug, as in “I know you’re still there but there’s nothing I can do about you right now.”

I’ve often thought that my struggle with this question came from a lack of parent/teacher direction when I was a teenager, but now I am not sure that this is the case. The only “job” I ever really dreamed about as a child was writing, but my dad always told me that was impractical. So, I ended up just letting my career develop organically, jumping from job to job until I found something that worked in terms of enjoyment and reward.

But was it really what I wanted to do? Like, for the rest of my life?

No. And I knew that almost instantly when I was laid off in 2014. The wash of relief was very much like being glad that your boyfriend finally broke up with you because it’s been over and you haven’t had the nerve to cut the ties yourself.

So, what do I want to do when I grow up?

A question that motherhood has served to both highlight and confound. With three children at home, I have very little time to think about myself, let alone dream and scheme about my next career move. But every now and then, especially as the children grow and become more capable, this question forces its way back to the forefront of my mind. Begging to be answered. Determined to be heard. And at those moments when I finally stop and listen, I am more inspired to find that right answer because of how little time I can devote to such a task. With my heart bent towards my children, whatever takes my attention away must be really precious. Really worthwhile.

This final pregnancy has delayed my ambitions for the time being. I know fully well how much time and attention and energy a new baby will need, and I’ve slowed up my plans accordingly. Before we decided to have just one more, I was considering a freelance writing career, dabbling in copywriting and essay writing. There were books I wanted to write and small businesses I wanted to run.

Despite knowing that my time will be monopolized in the near future, ideas come to me in droves. My cousin just finished her doctorate, didn’t I want to go back to school for a doctorate? My passion for business and psychology could lead me to a study of industrial organization psychology. So, back to school. Would that be worth it? Another 2-3 years of devotion to set myself up for a potential consulting job?

What if I went back to a corporate career – didn’t I find enjoyment in the sense of accomplishment and structure of corporate life? I would certainly enjoy the regular paycheck and benefits. But seeing my husband run his own business and reap the rewards of entrepreneurship has given me a craving for the same. Don’t I want to be my own boss? Do I have enough discipline?

careerThe truth is: I like pieces of everything. I can get excited about so many different topics and so many different fields. And that is what I think is the more likely culprit in my lack of answer to this question than the vague direction I received as a youth. Too many passions leave me floundering between them all.

I recently came across a great TED Talk that helped me feel better about this. Emilie Wapnik has spent many years coaching people who feel the way I do; people with varying interests, dreams, and desires. Her philosophy is that it’s totally normal to have “multiple potentials” and we just have to figure out the best way to navigate them. I’m picking up her new book and will review on the blog.

But… back to that dreaded question.

The answer is: I don’t know. But let me tell you what I do know.

I know that I have many, many passions. I know that I have time to sort it out, although I will probably have more time to do so after our newest addition arrives and becomes more independent. I know that it’s okay to try things and fail. I know that I have time in this lifetime to do several different things, perhaps at the same time, perhaps consecutively.

I am okay with not having an answer for today. For now, I’ll keep weeding through my passions, taking the time to explore what constitutes me. I’ll be making some lists and testing out some theories. Want to join along? I’d love some creative collaboration on this journey!

Filed Under: Work/Life Tagged With: career, direction, SAHM, WAHM, work

The Sanity Plan Update & Announcement!

May 3, 2017 By Sara M. 9 Comments

work from homeLife can really throw you off track sometimes. When I started this blog last year, I was making plans and taking steps to explore a potential career in writing. I thought our family life had stabilized and I could begin to work on myself again.

And then, well, life happened. Literally.

My husband and I decided that we really did want to have another baby. My third and my husband’s fourth. And presto, here we are, expecting a new little man due in October.

So, I’ve really needed to reevaluate based on this new direction. First and foremost, to at least partially explain my absence from writing, I have pretty brutal morning sickness that typically lasts until about 15 weeks. I am just beginning to feel well enough to take back on some of my creative work.

The other thing that I am still working through when it comes to writing is deciding which avenues I really want to pursue. Is it that children’s book idea I have? Or, the non-fiction books that I want to write? My memoir? Or, working towards writing essays for publication? I am struggling with this because I really *want* to do it all, but the truth is I only have so much time in my day. And a major portion of my time is still dedicated to raising my young children (and will be even more so when the next one comes). For now, I am leaning towards focusing my efforts on essays for publication.

One other piece that having a new baby actually solved for me is that I will definitely not be going back to traditional work in the near term. As I encountered some of the difficulties with freelance work, going back to work seemed like an increasingly desirable option. I’ve definitely missed the clear-cut objectives, regular pay, and health benefits. But that idea will have to be put on hold for the meantime, likely postponed until our newest addition is two.

The other thing that I feel is important to share is my rededication to my investments. I haven’t talked much about finances on The Sanity Plan to date, but it is something I am definitely going to be doing going forward. I have an extensive financial background, both in education and career, and I have been investing for income for about 15 years. I am much more likely to check my stocks than social media, and I would much rather discuss investment strategy than fashion, celebrities, or even politics. In 2016, I really ignored my investments, and they suffered. It was the first year since the recession where I did not make money. Looking back, I was very distracted with trying to figure out my career direction and adjusting to having two young children, but since investing has been my main source of income since I chose to stay home, I needed to get back to giving it the proper time and attention. I’m glad to say these efforts have already paid off in 2017.

To recap my priorities: running my household and caring for the kids, followed by my investments, followed by my writing. And honestly, I am finally coming to terms with the fact that I don’t have time for much else. That doesn’t mean I won’t be making plans to see my friends or exercise or just relaxing. I just needed to get my head clear on how much time I really have during the day and what is the most important to me. I’ve spent many years since becoming a mother feeling stretched too thin across too many areas, feeling so divided that I wasn’t performing my best at any of them.

Part of my Sanity Plan is really keeping a check on that, being careful to be realistic about what I can and can’t take on.

We are super excited about our new addition. With this child, we will have two girls and two boys, in that order. The timing just feels right. When my son was born, our family was going through a big transition, and it really did not go as smoothly as I hoped. My daughter was struggling and yet undiagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder and my son was a VERY difficult baby. And to top it off, my stepdaughter came to live with us full time when he was six months old. As I’ve mentioned before, it took us a year to fully transition and feel more comfortable. My husband and I can definitely feel the contrast from then to now, and are welcoming the opportunity to give it another shot with our family in a more stable position.

Filed Under: Parenting, Work/Life Tagged With: career, flexible work, goals, pregnancy, SAHM

Why Do Large Corporations Refuse to Adapt to the Changing Workforce?

February 21, 2017 By Sara M. 3 Comments

Dear Corporate America,

You are missing out on an entire population of dedicated workers. These people are bright, devoted, hardworking, intuitive, and compassionate. They have no problem starting work at the crack of dawn, and going to bed long after midnight. Need someone who can persevere through mental exhaustion and burnout? Need someone with fine-tuned project management skills and the commitment to see a job through to completion? I personally know tons of people that fit the bill. Tons of us. We are moms.

There is an army of mothers out here, at home, underutilized.

Why, you ask?

Well, for one, you are stuck. You have a stodgy idea of what a worker looks like. To you, an employee is a “steady” 9-5 person (and often even more). An employee works in the office during “business hours” because you believe they probably aren’t working if no one is looking over their shoulder. They must be fully indoctrinated with corporate policies and expectations. And the company comes first, perhaps even first and second.

Your unrealistic expectations in this modern world are keeping you from taking advantage of this amazing untapped resource.

Limiting Working from Home

While great strides have been made on allowing working from home and improving work life balance, it is still so far from where it needs to be. I have heard plenty of stories from my highly educated and experienced mom friends to add to my own.

I spent 3 years working from home at a major company in the pharmaceutical industry. It was tolerable only because I was grateful to have such a flexible arrangement. But I paid for that flexibility dearly, when most of my department was let go and the only people retained were the ones who worked onsite at corporate headquarters.

Beyond this, there is stigma related to flexible work. That we really aren’t working as hard as the rest of your in-house employees. I even had a fellow team member chide me that I must enjoy sitting home and watching my soaps (in fact, I don’t watch any TV at all).

I was often much more committed to completing my work than my peers. I can’t even count the times I stayed online after my coworkers left the office at five to get more done. I freely “gave” this additional time because I didn’t have a commute. I willingly put in extra hours after the kids went to bed to meet deadlines. I loved my work; I took pride in getting my work done. My superiors gave me star ratings while I worked at home. But, I was never considered for a promotion. I would have had to “come into the office” for that.

Providing Inflexible Hours

Every family has a different situation. Lots of moms are the primary household manager. Those moms may never feel like they can commit to a full-time in person job again.

Many moms fall into the role of having a career that is secondary to their husband’s career. Maybe due to income disparity or maybe just based on family beliefs. Bosses lift their eyebrows when women have to stay home with a sick kid again. Bosses might even ask if the husband will be taking their turn.

These mothers may have enough time to work a kick ass 20-hour work from home position when the kids go back to school. Or maybe a 2-3 day at the office kind of gig. How open is your organization to filling employment spaces with truly flexible work?

Sometimes just a shift from traditional working hours is needed. Instead of working 9-5, a mother may need to work from 7-3. I know many women who are in this position. There is quite a stigma against the mom who has to leave early every day to be home when the kids get home from school. Did you not notice that she was at work long before her manager arrived in order to get her work done? Did you not notice that she signed on from home again in order to finish any remaining work?

Requiring Too Many Hours for Salaried Workers

I recently met a mom who gave up 2 lucrative offers for tech jobs at a large consumer goods company. Instead, she is filling her time and pockets selling jewelry at home parties for Stella and Dot. YES. You read that right. Why? Because both offers were for salaried positions that were considerably more demanding than a standard workweek. One hiring manager said it would be a minimum of 60 hours, and the other would be 80 hours per week.

80 hours per week? For a mom? For anyone?! 80 hours per week means you need to hire two people. Period.

Sure, I bet you’ll find someone willing to do it. Temporarily, maybe. But good luck getting that from the millennials, they are entering the work force with an incredible drive for work life balance.

Expecting 100% Devotion

I cannot remember a time when employers were truly loyal to their employees. It’s a bygone era that disappeared long before I joined the workforce. In big corporate, no matter how hard I worked, I was always a number. A number that produced numbers.

How can you demand that any employee, especially a parent, be 100% committed to your organization if you are not willing to be just as devoted to them? I can promise that you will never be a priority over my family’s needs, and I suppose in your eyes that makes me a bad worker.

On the flipside, your bottom line means more to you than my family, hence the fact that you laid me off when I was 8 months pregnant. Where’s the loyalty in that?

 

And this letter doesn’t even begin to touch on employment pains for single parents or stay at home dads.

Do the math, Corporate America. With a few conscientious changes you will have access to an incredible hidden workforce. Don’t believe me? Try us.

 

In Honesty,

Sara M.

Filed Under: Work/Life Tagged With: balance, remote work, SAHM, WAHM, work

The Bright Side of Trying and Failing

February 1, 2017 By Sara M. 20 Comments

Working on your Sanity Plan is not always straightforward. I suppose if it was, everyone would be living a sane and fulfilling life, with no hiccups or problems.

Things have been a little hairy for me since my son was born. I was laid off when I was in my third trimester, but due to pregnancy complications, I ended up being covered under the firm’s disability plan until 6 weeks after his birth.

For the first year, it was a huge blessing to stay home. We struggled a lot with the transition to two young children and in the same year added my stepdaughter into our home full time. It was the year of transitions.

In the beginning of 2016, though, I felt the need to go back to work. But how could I manage it? I didn’t think I could take on a full-time job because the kids still needed a lot of my attention. Even if we got help during the day, the balance of the childcare would fall on me and I didn’t see how I could handle everything. I was already exhausted. So, that left me with the idea of finding non-traditional work.

I started putting feelers out there. I talked to my old contacts in the industry. And nothing. What I really wanted didn’t fit with working for a large corporation. I wanted to work part time or by contract, 20-30 hours per week or on a commission basis. And there simply weren’t a lot of opportunities like that in my old field. And with only 5 years of industry experience, I didn’t feel like I had enough experience to become a consultant.

I was back to square one. I kept my ears open. I offered free services to several people getting various projects off the ground.

All of this led me to a very unusual opportunity with a startup. Through a family connection, I met a guy who had built an interactive video technology. With only the two founders in the company, they desperately needed someone to round out their heavily technological backgrounds with some business and communications experience. Enter me.

It was so much fun working for a startup. I was fired up by the potential for the technology to really take off. I got to work on so many different projects from creating marketing materials to company social media. I got involved in sales, including pitching the technology to some of the companies I’d worked with in my previous industry. I learned a ton about the digital advertising industry, even researching and reading on my own time.

There was only one glitch. The pay. Well, to clarify, it was the pay and my lack of success in being able to sell the technology. I worked for free for 9 months and finally realized that it just wasn’t working for me. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe in the product or that I felt like I wasn’t doing a particularly good job. It may have been that I was being a little impatient. But more likely, the industry was not quite ready to transition to this type of digital media and I couldn’t know how long it would take before it would.

I began to consider my dream of writing, which was so drastically different that it was hard to switch gears between watching the kids, working for the startup, and my writing. I had to choose.

What really helped is that I have a very good relationship with my boss. And even when we originally discussed me coming on board, I made it very clear that my family comes first and that I wanted the ability to make a graceful exit if it wasn’t working for me. And that is exactly what I did.

I met my boss for lunch and explained the situation. I told him that I believed in his technology, but that it was hard for me to stay motivated when I’m not having successes. I also wanted to free him up to be able to find someone else that might be a better fit for him. Lastly, I offered to be there if he ever needed another body for a presentation or help with marketing materials.

I gave a brand-new opportunity a shot and failed. Not in the way that I feel badly about the “failure,” but more in the way that I can grow and learn from this experience. I tried it and it didn’t work for me. I learned that I don’t like to work for free (who does?). I was willing to do it when I thought there would be pay on the horizon, but I can’t work indefinitely without that extrinsic reward. I also know that I don’t particularly like sales, especially cold calling. It is easier for me to sell to an existing relationship – such as selling as part of an account management role. I also know that I like well-framed projects. When there is a lot of ambiguity about my role, responsibility, or the job that needs to be done, I tend to flounder a little.

And there it is. I tried something new. I gave it quite a bit of effort and it didn’t work out. I actually feel pretty good about it. I learned a ton. And it gave me some great experience. And even though it was without pay, it is still a job that I can lean on to lessen the impact of my motherhood gap should I choose to try to get back into the traditional workforce. It also gave me insights into the workings of a startup that I would not have otherwise experienced. And the experience actually enforced for me even more that I do not want to work in the traditional capacity. I want to be an entrepreneur, choosing how I want to spend my time. I want the flexibility and freedom to be able to spend time with my family when I want or when they need me. That is my Sanity Plan.

Filed Under: Parenting, Work/Life Tagged With: career, freelance, non-traditional work, startup, WAHM, work, working, working moms

Why I Became a Snowbird in My 30’s

January 26, 2017 By Sara M. 34 Comments

If you had told me even 5 years ago that I would become a snowbird in my 30’s, I would have laughed. I have never particularly been fond of Florida because of the intense summer heat. And yet, here I am in Florida for our 3rd extended winter trip with my entire family of 5.

We didn’t plan to become snowbirds, we stumbled our way into it. The choice was mostly driven by my husband, whose moods were majorly impacted by the characteristically cold and dreary winters of the Northeast. He craved sunshine and warm weather to help him feel better.

With this in mind, we began planning vacations to sunny locales at the peak of winter in an effort to combat some of his melancholy. This would work, but we realized that just one week or even 10 days was not enough time to truly relax and recharge. It took several days to be able to wind down from our busy schedules and lives back home, and before we knew it we were headed back into the cold. Not to mention the incredible expense of taking our whole family on vacation to tropical destinations.

Finally, we realized that because we both held remote work positions, there was nothing stopping us from working from anywhere we pleased. I can still remember the day our discussion led us to this idea, standing in the kitchen discussing the possibilities and saying “why not?”

At first, we researched rentals in the Caribbean, but eliminated them because of the incredible expense to fly there and rent a car, in addition to paying inflated prices for meals and entertainment. We were also concerned about reliable internet connectivity.

That’s how we landed in Florida. It was as far south as we could go on the East Coast and still remain in the US. We could drive our own vehicle and bring some of our own belongings. We would remain in somewhat familiar territory with US based systems and routines.

Identifying ourselves as snowbirds came from our very first trip. The amount of teasing we received was not small. Eyebrows were raised. It was the topic de jour. “So, y’all are snowbirds?” became a familiar line. It was pretty much unheard for a young family to spend an extended period of time in Florida during the winter. The snowbird title typically belonged to retired folks, not newly married folks with toddlers in tow.

I have to admit I was pretty reluctant at first. I was worried about being able to maintain my job remotely (even more remotely, no longer within driving distance of my office) while juggling the children. It was a little harder, but doable because my husband jumped in to help me balance. My husband’s consultancy, while Northeast based, was surprisingly portable. He could easily return home for business meetings or tradeshows, but every other aspect of his business could be handled via phone, email, or fax (forwarded to email).

It turns out that I didn’t need to worry about work for our subsequent trips, as I was part of a mass layoff while pregnant with my son. That year we came down right after I delivered him, and I was able to recover with our newborn in the warmer climate.

The benefits for our family are immeasurable. The sunshine lifted all of our spirits incredibly (even mine, and I hadn’t considered myself affected by the bleak winters). The warm weather helped us get more active, as opposed to being holed up inside due to the cold. Our bodies reset to a more summer styled appetite, allowing us to eat lighter and healthier. More typically seasonal foods were available like avocados and oranges, and being close to the water increased the availability of fish to eat.

The most surprising element of all? We were more productive. We got more done during those periods than we would typically do at home during the winter. We’ve spent some time trying to narrow down the exact cause, but mostly attribute it to an overall increase in health and wellness, with a better balance of work and play. We took time every day to swim or hit the park or find an adventure. When we sat down to work in shorter bursts, we were more focused and successful.

I realize this is not an option for everyone, and yes, we feel very fortunate. It’s expensive, but probably not as much as you might think. Renting a house is often less expensive per night than a hotel, and we don’t have to take the time off from work because we bring our work with us. We’re willing to forego traditional vacations because this kind of hybrid vacation has done more for us in terms of lasting benefits. But we didn’t always think it could be a reality for us, either. We evaluated our scenario, and dared to push past traditional boundaries in order to find a solution that worked for our Sanity Plan.

 

A lot have things have changed since I wrote this post now that I have two school-aged children, click here for my latest update.

Filed Under: Work/Life Tagged With: balance, Florida, hybrid vacation, mental health, relaxation, SAD, sanity plan, snow bird, sunshine, vacation

The Sanity Plan Success Stories – A Flexible Freelance Career

January 24, 2017 By Sara M. 19 Comments

I met the owner of our next success story online. I was inspired by her commitment towards developing the career she wanted, even if that meant trying out many things until she found what worked. Here is Carrie’s Sanity Plan:

 

My name is Carrie, and I’m a registered nurse turned freelance writer. Last year I launched the Healthy Work at Home Mom to share what I’ve learned about creating a thriving business from home without burning yourself out.

I’ve wanted to work from home since the moment I became a mom four years ago. I remember sitting in our little apartment during maternity leave and deciding to check my work email. Our new baby was sleeping next to me as I logged in. I had just had her, but when I checked my email, I noticed one that said, “only 2 weeks until Carrie gets back!” I just sat there staring at my computer trying to process that. I had just had a baby! I quickly pulled up a calendar and realized I had indeed already been home with her for 10 weeks. Well, you know what happens next. I immediately burst into tears and decided to make a change.

I started researching ways that nurses can work from home and landed on medical writing. I began pitching myself to every company I could find, started a blog, and eventually landed a few freelance jobs. I slowly began cutting back my hours at the hospital and worked my last shift as a nurse at the end of 2016.

Being able to work from home for myself and be with my kids was absolutely the best decision I’ve ever made, but it still comes with its challenges. If I wake up one morning and the baby is sick, I no longer have to scramble to figure out daycare and who’s turn it is to call in and how I’m going to get in to the doctor. However, I do have to figure out when on earth I’m going to get my client work done.

Here are some of the strategies that have helped me the most:

  • Time blocking – I now have a weekly schedule with chunks of time for all of my projects. This has saved me so much time. Each time I have work time (during kindergarten and nap time), I know exactly what I need to do, so I don’t waste time feeling overwhelmed. On Mondays I edit and write outlines. Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays are for billable client work. On Wednesdays, I work on my blog and shoot a Facebook live video.
  • Embracing my season – It’s really easy for me to look at what others have accomplished and feel discouraged. I have big dreams and just want to get there. But I always come back to the fact that the reason I started freelancing was to be home with my kids, and that’s where I am. They won’t always be this little and need this much help, so I’m embracing my season. I have plenty of time to build my empire 🙂
  • Believing in myself – I think when you are working on a big goal (like leaving your 9-5 to work for yourself), it’s easy to doubt yourself. I certainly did. While my husband and family always believed in me, no one else understood what I was trying to build. No one thought this was possible. That’s where I had to decide that I was going to do this, even if I didn’t know exactly how. Every time I took a step forward, the next right step found me.

I love to see how other people create their Sanity Plans and put them into action. Creating a job that provides the flexibility to combine two dreams at once (motherhood and business ownership) is quite an achievement. Inspired? Read more on how to build your own Sanity Plan here.

Do you have a Sanity Plan success story to share? Let me know in the comments or reach out to me through my contact page. 

Filed Under: Parenting, Success Stories, Work/Life Tagged With: basics, business ownership, dreams, entrepreneur, family, goals, motherhood, parenting, productivity, sanity plan

Efficiency, My Captor

October 26, 2016 By Sara M. 4 Comments

680x450-working2My days are ruled by a terrible master. Slave driving and tireless, it never ends and never lessens.

I am not sure where it comes from. Is it left over from being a career woman? Did 15 years in the corporate work force influence me to reevaluate my entire life through the schema of productivity? When did it become so pervasive that it spilled over into my home life?

I see it in our society. I see is all around me. Every other article headline tells how we can be more efficient. How we can push harder. How we can get more done.

This drive conflicts with the biggest thing I’m doing right now.

Raising my kids.

Child rearing and efficiency are like oil and water. They don’t mix, and even if you can get them somewhat combined (shake, shake, shake!), it’s only a matter of time before they are polarized again.

The drive for efficiency leaves me with this aching feeling of never getting enough done. That I should always be multitasking. That any time spent waiting in line or even sitting with my children should also be combined with checking emails and mental preparation of what needs to be done next.

I make endless lists in multiple notebooks, on my phone, or in my mind. I feel compartmentalized to the point of having a fragmented mind at any given time during the day. I struggle to give my 100% attention to any single thing in a single moment.

I am constantly striving to be better at managing it all. But I am never really enjoying anything.

I am barely here.

How can I organize my life so that I can always have the laundry in at just the right time for me to do a certain task before moving it to the dryer? And then another task to fill the space until the drying is done? But I can’t forget it is in there… Can’t forget anything.

How can I fit in playing with and educating the children, while managing the household, planning meals, and cooking? Or working? Will I ever be able to manage going back to a full time career?

450x680-siblingsThe children ask if can I play with them, and more and more I respond with “I have to do this. I have to do that.” So rarely anymore do I feel free enough to prompt play, or join in with them while they play on their own. How must they feel watching their mom consumed by a whirlwind of never-ending tasks?

Why are they not more important to me?

Why can’t I just sit and enjoy? Be present. Ignore the feelings that I should be getting something done. This is doing something. This is doing exactly what I’ve always wanted to do. Have children. Love them. Play with them. Teach them and share their joys.

I love my children. Why is that not enough to calm the itch of productivity? To ease the drive for efficiency. To erase the beckoning of my to do list.

Why do I long for them to sleep so that I can get to work? Are they really so hard to handle? Are they the placeholder in my mind between real times of work and productivity?

Why am I so unsettled by the aimless meandering that is their childhood rhythm?

Time does not hold a child captive. I can remember my four-year-old referring to every meal as dinner. I always corrected her, but it never mattered to her. Dinner was just when she ate.

No amount of urgency moves a child. Because seeing that toy you want to play with is way more fascinating than getting dressed. And you really have no concept that someone may be upset with you for being late – because you don’t even really understand what time is.

But mom does. That clock is ticking. The sound of every second can be deafening under the burden of feeling like nothing gets done. The burden that could potentially be eased if only I could be more efficient during those precious moments of free time and good energy. If I just pushed harder.

And now I must stop. I’m glad that you understand. I thought I was the only one.

I can breathe now.

I think I’ll go see what the kids are up to.

The hell with efficiency.

Filed Under: Parenting, Personal, Work/Life Tagged With: balance, mindset, motherhood, parenting, productivity

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Welcome to THE SANITY PLAN! Here you will find my attempts to restore order in my crazy life post kids. I'm just getting started & I have a lot to say. So far I've written a lot about my perspectives on parenting (sorry, it's where I am at), but I'd love it if you followed my journey to improve my habits, get more organized, redefine my career, and generally live a good life. Or, you can follow just for the entertainment, I promise there will be lots of that. Do you want to learn more about building A Sanity Plan?

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