TheSanityPlan

Solutions for finding balance in this crazy world

The Sanity Plan Update & Announcement!

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work from homeLife can really throw you off track sometimes. When I started this blog last year, I was making plans and taking steps to explore a potential career in writing. I thought our family life had stabilized and I could begin to work on myself again.

And then, well, life happened. Literally.

My husband and I decided that we really did want to have another baby. My third and my husband’s fourth. And presto, here we are, expecting a new little man due in October.

So, I’ve really needed to reevaluate based on this new direction. First and foremost, to at least partially explain my absence from writing, I have pretty brutal morning sickness that typically lasts until about 15 weeks. I am just beginning to feel well enough to take back on some of my creative work.

The other thing that I am still working through when it comes to writing is deciding which avenues I really want to pursue. Is it that children’s book idea I have? Or, the non-fiction books that I want to write? My memoir? Or, working towards writing essays for publication? I am struggling with this because I really *want* to do it all, but the truth is I only have so much time in my day. And a major portion of my time is still dedicated to raising my young children (and will be even more so when the next one comes). For now, I am leaning towards focusing my efforts on essays for publication.

One other piece that having a new baby actually solved for me is that I will definitely not be going back to traditional work in the near term. As I encountered some of the difficulties with freelance work, going back to work seemed like an increasingly desirable option. I’ve definitely missed the clear-cut objectives, regular pay, and health benefits. But that idea will have to be put on hold for the meantime, likely postponed until our newest addition is two.

The other thing that I feel is important to share is my rededication to my investments. I haven’t talked much about finances on The Sanity Plan to date, but it is something I am definitely going to be doing going forward. I have an extensive financial background, both in education and career, and I have been investing for income for about 15 years. I am much more likely to check my stocks than social media, and I would much rather discuss investment strategy than fashion, celebrities, or even politics. In 2016, I really ignored my investments, and they suffered. It was the first year since the recession where I did not make money. Looking back, I was very distracted with trying to figure out my career direction and adjusting to having two young children, but since investing has been my main source of income since I chose to stay home, I needed to get back to giving it the proper time and attention. I’m glad to say these efforts have already paid off in 2017.

To recap my priorities: running my household and caring for the kids, followed by my investments, followed by my writing. And honestly, I am finally coming to terms with the fact that I don’t have time for much else. That doesn’t mean I won’t be making plans to see my friends or exercise or just relaxing. I just needed to get my head clear on how much time I really have during the day and what is the most important to me. I’ve spent many years since becoming a mother feeling stretched too thin across too many areas, feeling so divided that I wasn’t performing my best at any of them.

Part of my Sanity Plan is really keeping a check on that, being careful to be realistic about what I can and can’t take on.

We are super excited about our new addition. With this child, we will have two girls and two boys, in that order. The timing just feels right. When my son was born, our family was going through a big transition, and it really did not go as smoothly as I hoped. My daughter was struggling and yet undiagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder and my son was a VERY difficult baby. And to top it off, my stepdaughter came to live with us full time when he was six months old. As I’ve mentioned before, it took us a year to fully transition and feel more comfortable. My husband and I can definitely feel the contrast from then to now, and are welcoming the opportunity to give it another shot with our family in a more stable position.

Why Do Large Corporations Refuse to Adapt to the Changing Workforce?

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Dear Corporate America,

You are missing out on an entire population of dedicated workers. These people are bright, devoted, hardworking, intuitive, and compassionate. They have no problem starting work at the crack of dawn, and going to bed long after midnight. Need someone who can persevere through mental exhaustion and burnout? Need someone with fine-tuned project management skills and the commitment to see a job through to completion? I personally know tons of people that fit the bill. Tons of us. We are moms.

There is an army of mothers out here, at home, underutilized.

Why, you ask?

Well, for one, you are stuck. You have a stodgy idea of what a worker looks like. To you, an employee is a “steady” 9-5 person (and often even more). An employee works in the office during “business hours” because you believe they probably aren’t working if no one is looking over their shoulder. They must be fully indoctrinated with corporate policies and expectations. And the company comes first, perhaps even first and second.

Your unrealistic expectations in this modern world are keeping you from taking advantage of this amazing untapped resource.

Limiting Working from Home

While great strides have been made on allowing working from home and improving work life balance, it is still so far from where it needs to be. I have heard plenty of stories from my highly educated and experienced mom friends to add to my own.

I spent 3 years working from home at a major company in the pharmaceutical industry. It was tolerable only because I was grateful to have such a flexible arrangement. But I paid for that flexibility dearly, when most of my department was let go and the only people retained were the ones who worked onsite at corporate headquarters.

Beyond this, there is stigma related to flexible work. That we really aren’t working as hard as the rest of your in-house employees. I even had a fellow team member chide me that I must enjoy sitting home and watching my soaps (in fact, I don’t watch any TV at all).

I was often much more committed to completing my work than my peers. I can’t even count the times I stayed online after my coworkers left the office at five to get more done. I freely “gave” this additional time because I didn’t have a commute. I willingly put in extra hours after the kids went to bed to meet deadlines. I loved my work; I took pride in getting my work done. My superiors gave me star ratings while I worked at home. But, I was never considered for a promotion. I would have had to “come into the office” for that.

Providing Inflexible Hours

Every family has a different situation. Lots of moms are the primary household manager. Those moms may never feel like they can commit to a full-time in person job again.

Many moms fall into the role of having a career that is secondary to their husband’s career. Maybe due to income disparity or maybe just based on family beliefs. Bosses lift their eyebrows when women have to stay home with a sick kid again. Bosses might even ask if the husband will be taking their turn.

These mothers may have enough time to work a kick ass 20-hour work from home position when the kids go back to school. Or maybe a 2-3 day at the office kind of gig. How open is your organization to filling employment spaces with truly flexible work?

Sometimes just a shift from traditional working hours is needed. Instead of working 9-5, a mother may need to work from 7-3. I know many women who are in this position. There is quite a stigma against the mom who has to leave early every day to be home when the kids get home from school. Did you not notice that she was at work long before her manager arrived in order to get her work done? Did you not notice that she signed on from home again in order to finish any remaining work?

Requiring Too Many Hours for Salaried Workers

I recently met a mom who gave up 2 lucrative offers for tech jobs at a large consumer goods company. Instead, she is filling her time and pockets selling jewelry at home parties for Stella and Dot. YES. You read that right. Why? Because both offers were for salaried positions that were considerably more demanding than a standard workweek. One hiring manager said it would be a minimum of 60 hours, and the other would be 80 hours per week.

80 hours per week? For a mom? For anyone?! 80 hours per week means you need to hire two people. Period.

Sure, I bet you’ll find someone willing to do it. Temporarily, maybe. But good luck getting that from the millennials, they are entering the work force with an incredible drive for work life balance.

Expecting 100% Devotion

I cannot remember a time when employers were truly loyal to their employees. It’s a bygone era that disappeared long before I joined the workforce. In big corporate, no matter how hard I worked, I was always a number. A number that produced numbers.

How can you demand that any employee, especially a parent, be 100% committed to your organization if you are not willing to be just as devoted to them? I can promise that you will never be a priority over my family’s needs, and I suppose in your eyes that makes me a bad worker.

On the flipside, your bottom line means more to you than my family, hence the fact that you laid me off when I was 8 months pregnant. Where’s the loyalty in that?

 

And this letter doesn’t even begin to touch on employment pains for single parents or stay at home dads.

Do the math, Corporate America. With a few conscientious changes you will have access to an incredible hidden workforce. Don’t believe me? Try us.

 

In Honesty,

Sara M.

The Bright Side of Trying and Failing

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Working on your Sanity Plan is not always straightforward. I suppose if it was, everyone would be living a sane and fulfilling life, with no hiccups or problems.

Things have been a little hairy for me since my son was born. I was laid off when I was in my third trimester, but due to pregnancy complications, I ended up being covered under the firm’s disability plan until 6 weeks after his birth.

For the first year, it was a huge blessing to stay home. We struggled a lot with the transition to two young children and in the same year added my stepdaughter into our home full time. It was the year of transitions.

In the beginning of 2016, though, I felt the need to go back to work. But how could I manage it? I didn’t think I could take on a full-time job because the kids still needed a lot of my attention. Even if we got help during the day, the balance of the childcare would fall on me and I didn’t see how I could handle everything. I was already exhausted. So, that left me with the idea of finding non-traditional work.

I started putting feelers out there. I talked to my old contacts in the industry. And nothing. What I really wanted didn’t fit with working for a large corporation. I wanted to work part time or by contract, 20-30 hours per week or on a commission basis. And there simply weren’t a lot of opportunities like that in my old field. And with only 5 years of industry experience, I didn’t feel like I had enough experience to become a consultant.

I was back to square one. I kept my ears open. I offered free services to several people getting various projects off the ground.

All of this led me to a very unusual opportunity with a startup. Through a family connection, I met a guy who had built an interactive video technology. With only the two founders in the company, they desperately needed someone to round out their heavily technological backgrounds with some business and communications experience. Enter me.

It was so much fun working for a startup. I was fired up by the potential for the technology to really take off. I got to work on so many different projects from creating marketing materials to company social media. I got involved in sales, including pitching the technology to some of the companies I’d worked with in my previous industry. I learned a ton about the digital advertising industry, even researching and reading on my own time.

There was only one glitch. The pay. Well, to clarify, it was the pay and my lack of success in being able to sell the technology. I worked for free for 9 months and finally realized that it just wasn’t working for me. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe in the product or that I felt like I wasn’t doing a particularly good job. It may have been that I was being a little impatient. But more likely, the industry was not quite ready to transition to this type of digital media and I couldn’t know how long it would take before it would.

I began to consider my dream of writing, which was so drastically different that it was hard to switch gears between watching the kids, working for the startup, and my writing. I had to choose.

What really helped is that I have a very good relationship with my boss. And even when we originally discussed me coming on board, I made it very clear that my family comes first and that I wanted the ability to make a graceful exit if it wasn’t working for me. And that is exactly what I did.

I met my boss for lunch and explained the situation. I told him that I believed in his technology, but that it was hard for me to stay motivated when I’m not having successes. I also wanted to free him up to be able to find someone else that might be a better fit for him. Lastly, I offered to be there if he ever needed another body for a presentation or help with marketing materials.

I gave a brand-new opportunity a shot and failed. Not in the way that I feel badly about the “failure,” but more in the way that I can grow and learn from this experience. I tried it and it didn’t work for me. I learned that I don’t like to work for free (who does?). I was willing to do it when I thought there would be pay on the horizon, but I can’t work indefinitely without that extrinsic reward. I also know that I don’t particularly like sales, especially cold calling. It is easier for me to sell to an existing relationship – such as selling as part of an account management role. I also know that I like well-framed projects. When there is a lot of ambiguity about my role, responsibility, or the job that needs to be done, I tend to flounder a little.

And there it is. I tried something new. I gave it quite a bit of effort and it didn’t work out. I actually feel pretty good about it. I learned a ton. And it gave me some great experience. And even though it was without pay, it is still a job that I can lean on to lessen the impact of my motherhood gap should I choose to try to get back into the traditional workforce. It also gave me insights into the workings of a startup that I would not have otherwise experienced. And the experience actually enforced for me even more that I do not want to work in the traditional capacity. I want to be an entrepreneur, choosing how I want to spend my time. I want the flexibility and freedom to be able to spend time with my family when I want or when they need me. That is my Sanity Plan.

Week 4 – The Sanity Plan Goals Review

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Welcome to the weekly goals review. This is where I will complete a review of my prior week’s goals as well as setting a new round for the upcoming week. I’m glad to have you on board. Are you working on your Sanity Plan?

Weekly Goals Review

  1. Positive parenting: Spend this week working on the kids’ demanding behavior.

My daughter has improved a ton with our efforts. My son? Not so much. Even with everything that we have done to help him improve, he is still having several tantrums a day. I think it is one part part personality and one part stage. He is really struggling with not being able to do what he wants, whether it is “driving” our car or refusing to get his diaper changed. Lesson learned: Working with the kids on their behavior is always a work in progress. The key is flexibility as a parent, and understanding that there are some things that you cannot influence (like personality).
2. Quality hubby time: Date night on Saturday and look for a temporary sitter.

Date night fell through because my mother in law had to cancel her visit due to complications with my father in law’s treatment for his Alzheimer’s Disease. But we had a huge win in finding a local sitter for the kids for 12 hours per week. I’ll get a little break and have time for my work, plus she agreed to cover us for a couple of dates. Lesson learned: When you have to rely on others for childcare, you really have to learn to roll with the punches.

3. Personal care: Do yoga with the kids in the mornings.

FAILED. Lol. I think maybe I was a little overzealous by making this as a daily goal. There still needs to be room for changes in our set routine. Lesson learned: Start small, I probably would have been able to do this if I’d made a smaller goal, like do yoga 3 times this week and not set it for a particular time.

4. Organization: Put things where they belong.

Ugh, for some reason this is so hard for me! I did even worse than I did last week. I need to find some better ways to assist in changing this habit. Lesson learned: Some habits are hard to change and may take more work to reverse. Trial and error about what works can be really helpful in terms of learning what works for you.

5. Work/Life Balance: When I’ve completed my goals, I will walk away from my computer.

Done. I did better at this this week. Again it was really helpful to have a concrete goal like this so that I was more conscious of this. Lesson learned: Especially when it comes to writing/freelancing, there seems to be this constant need for drawing lines between work and life. I imagine this will need continual rebalancing.

This Week’s Goals

Here are my goals for this week based on my 5 improvement areas:

  1. Positive parenting: Work on my son’s 2 major tantrum triggers.

This week, it’s been wanting to “drive” the car and not wanting to have his diaper changed. We’ve had to endure major tantrums from both, and have even had to hold him down a couple of times to change his poopy diaper. When it gets this bad, I like to do a reset. For something like his diaper, I may switch to giving him a bath or a shower instead in order to avoid the tantrum. I will do that for a whole week in an attempt to *reboot* his reaction.

2. Quality hubby time: Have date breakfast.

With kids, you really have to be flexible and creative when it comes to scheduling adult time. Now that we have a sitter for some mornings, I’ve scheduled a “date breakfast” for tomorrow morning so we can have some adult time without the littlest ones.

3. Personal care: Make an appointment to see a local chiropractor.

From the limited yoga I did last week, I can tell my spine is out of alignment. It is really hard to switch beds and pillows and routines without it having an impact on my back. I will get in to see the chiropractor for some maintenance.

4. Organization: Transfer to my new phone.

I’ve been delaying transferring to my new phone because of the work involved in creating a backup, updating the settings, and getting new accessories (I know it’s not that much work, I just do these kinds of things REALLY SLOWLY). It’s time to do it since the task is beginning to linger.

5. Work/Life Balance: Take a break from work to spend time with company.

My in-laws are coming today, so I’ll be setting aside my work to spend time with them while they are here. It is really hard, since I feel particularly drawn to several pieces I’m working on, but I have to remember that life is for living and experiences.

*****

I’ve had more organized weeks, that’s for sure. I just feel as though I didn’t have a good grip on it. I wonder if it is because I am settling into a little bit of vacation mode, catching up on sleep and making fun a priority. I also have been juggling the kids quite a bit on my own, so now that I’ll have some help it will be easier for me to get some clarity.

How are you doing with your Sanity Plan? What are your goals for the coming week? Did you notice any particular barriers to completing what you wanted to get done?

Why I Became a Snowbird in My 30’s

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If you had told me even 5 years ago that I would become a snowbird in my 30’s, I would have laughed. I have never particularly been fond of Florida because of the intense summer heat. And yet, here I am in Florida for our 3rd extended winter trip with my entire family of 5.

We didn’t plan to become snowbirds, we stumbled our way into it. The choice was mostly driven by my husband, whose moods were majorly impacted by the characteristically cold and dreary winters of the Northeast. He craved sunshine and warm weather to help him feel better.

With this in mind, we began planning vacations to sunny locales at the peak of winter in an effort to combat some of his melancholy. This would work, but we realized that just one week or even 10 days was not enough time to truly relax and recharge. It took several days to be able to wind down from our busy schedules and lives back home, and before we knew it we were headed back into the cold. Not to mention the incredible expense of taking our whole family on vacation to tropical destinations.

Finally, we realized that because we both held remote work positions, there was nothing stopping us from working from anywhere we pleased. I can still remember the day our discussion led us to this idea, standing in the kitchen discussing the possibilities and saying “why not?”

At first, we researched rentals in the Caribbean, but eliminated them because of the incredible expense to fly there and rent a car, in addition to paying inflated prices for meals and entertainment. We were also concerned about reliable internet connectivity.

That’s how we landed in Florida. It was as far south as we could go on the East Coast and still remain in the US. We could drive our own vehicle and bring some of our own belongings. We would remain in somewhat familiar territory with US based systems and routines.

Identifying ourselves as snowbirds came from our very first trip. The amount of teasing we received was not small. Eyebrows were raised. It was the topic de jour. “So, y’all are snowbirds?” became a familiar line. It was pretty much unheard for a young family to spend an extended period of time in Florida during the winter. The snowbird title typically belonged to retired folks, not newly married folks with toddlers in tow.

I have to admit I was pretty reluctant at first. I was worried about being able to maintain my job remotely (even more remotely, no longer within driving distance of my office) while juggling the children. It was a little harder, but doable because my husband jumped in to help me balance. My husband’s consultancy, while Northeast based, was surprisingly portable. He could easily return home for business meetings or tradeshows, but every other aspect of his business could be handled via phone, email, or fax (forwarded to email).

It turns out that I didn’t need to worry about work for our subsequent trips, as I was part of a mass layoff while pregnant with my son. That year we came down right after I delivered him, and I was able to recover with our newborn in the warmer climate.

The benefits for our family are immeasurable. The sunshine lifted all of our spirits incredibly (even mine, and I hadn’t considered myself affected by the bleak winters). The warm weather helped us get more active, as opposed to being holed up inside due to the cold. Our bodies reset to a more summer styled appetite, allowing us to eat lighter and healthier. More typically seasonal foods were available like avocados and oranges, and being close to the water increased the availability of fish to eat.

The most surprising element of all? We were more productive. We got more done during those periods than we would typically do at home during the winter. We’ve spent some time trying to narrow down the exact cause, but mostly attribute it to an overall increase in health and wellness, with a better balance of work and play. We took time every day to swim or hit the park or find an adventure. When we sat down to work in shorter bursts, we were more focused and successful.

I realize this is not an option for everyone, and yes, we feel very fortunate. It’s expensive, but probably not as much as you might think. Renting a house is often less expensive per night than a hotel, and we don’t have to take the time off from work because we bring our work with us. We’re willing to forego traditional vacations because this kind of hybrid vacation has done more for us in terms of lasting benefits. But we didn’t always think it could be a reality for us, either. We evaluated our scenario, and dared to push past traditional boundaries in order to find a solution that worked for our Sanity Plan.

The Sanity Plan Success Stories – A Flexible Freelance Career

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I met the owner of our next success story online. I was inspired by her commitment towards developing the career she wanted, even if that meant trying out many things until she found what worked. Here is Carrie’s Sanity Plan:

 

My name is Carrie, and I’m a registered nurse turned freelance writer. Last year I launched the Healthy Work at Home Mom to share what I’ve learned about creating a thriving business from home without burning yourself out.

I’ve wanted to work from home since the moment I became a mom four years ago. I remember sitting in our little apartment during maternity leave and deciding to check my work email. Our new baby was sleeping next to me as I logged in. I had just had her, but when I checked my email, I noticed one that said, “only 2 weeks until Carrie gets back!” I just sat there staring at my computer trying to process that. I had just had a baby! I quickly pulled up a calendar and realized I had indeed already been home with her for 10 weeks. Well, you know what happens next. I immediately burst into tears and decided to make a change.

I started researching ways that nurses can work from home and landed on medical writing. I began pitching myself to every company I could find, started a blog, and eventually landed a few freelance jobs. I slowly began cutting back my hours at the hospital and worked my last shift as a nurse at the end of 2016.

Being able to work from home for myself and be with my kids was absolutely the best decision I’ve ever made, but it still comes with its challenges. If I wake up one morning and the baby is sick, I no longer have to scramble to figure out daycare and who’s turn it is to call in and how I’m going to get in to the doctor. However, I do have to figure out when on earth I’m going to get my client work done.

Here are some of the strategies that have helped me the most:

  • Time blocking – I now have a weekly schedule with chunks of time for all of my projects. This has saved me so much time. Each time I have work time (during kindergarten and nap time), I know exactly what I need to do, so I don’t waste time feeling overwhelmed. On Mondays I edit and write outlines. Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays are for billable client work. On Wednesdays, I work on my blog and shoot a Facebook live video.
  • Embracing my season – It’s really easy for me to look at what others have accomplished and feel discouraged. I have big dreams and just want to get there. But I always come back to the fact that the reason I started freelancing was to be home with my kids, and that’s where I am. They won’t always be this little and need this much help, so I’m embracing my season. I have plenty of time to build my empire 🙂
  • Believing in myself – I think when you are working on a big goal (like leaving your 9-5 to work for yourself), it’s easy to doubt yourself. I certainly did. While my husband and family always believed in me, no one else understood what I was trying to build. No one thought this was possible. That’s where I had to decide that I was going to do this, even if I didn’t know exactly how. Every time I took a step forward, the next right step found me.

I love to see how other people create their Sanity Plans and put them into action. Creating a job that provides the flexibility to combine two dreams at once (motherhood and business ownership) is quite an achievement. Inspired? Read more on how to build your own Sanity Plan here.

Do you have a Sanity Plan success story to share? Let me know in the comments or reach out to me through my contact page. 

Week 3 – The Sanity Plan Goals Review

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Welcome to the weekly goals review. This is where I will complete a review of my prior week’s goals as well as setting a new round for the upcoming week. I’m glad to have you on board. Are you working on your Sanity Plan?

Weekly Goals Review

  1. Positive parenting: Spend this week working on my daughter’s demanding behavior.

I’m going to have to call this one a work in progress. I made some headway in her demanding behavior such as repeating herself until she got what she wanted, but there is more work to do. I am going to leave this goal for this coming week. Lesson learned: Some goals are more intricate than others. I could take this as a failure if I were to be really literal about it, but I’d rather see it as a goal that needs more love.

 
2. Quality hubby time: Put the kids to bed and enjoy a night cap on the back deck.

Well, this one was a little rough also. When the kids are out of sorts, it indefinitely leads to us being out of sorts as a couple. I did initiate a quiet moment outside that didn’t end well because we were frustrated with each other, however, we did finally have a really successful honest conversation on Saturday night that made up for it. Lesson learned: Just because we are struggling with the kids’ behavior, does not justify us turning on each other. We are a parenting team.

3. Personal care: Drink an extra glass of water in the afternoon.

I didn’t do this every day, however, just having the goal did increase how much water I drank. Can I blame it on my reminder app not going off at the appropriate time? Lesson learned: I didn’t set this reminder until Thursday, so I missed a couple of days. I will need to set reminders right away when I’m thinking of them, otherwise they get overlooked.

4. Organization: Put things where they belong.

I made some good strides in this department: unpacking the kids’ clothes and taking a look around to make sure that I put away things in their correct location. I am nowhere near perfect, but I can see the improvement. Lesson learned: Hubby did not see my efforts to improve this so the lesson is judge yourself based on marked improvements, don’t be discouraged if others cannot see your changes right away.

5. Work/Life Balance: Plan my new writing schedule.

Done. I will be writing in the mornings, during coordinated nap-times, and have worked out with my husband that he will watch the kids for two nights so that I can work as well. Lesson learned: This schedule is a loose framework because of our current setup, but I will be working to stay as firm with it as possible. Also, it is important to ask for help from my husband to be sure that I have dedicated time for my business (otherwise it won’t happen).

This Week’s Goals

Here are my goals for this week based on my 5 improvement areas:

  1. Positive parenting: Spend this week working on the kids’ demanding behavior.

REPEAT THIS GOAL, ADDING MY SON AS WELL. We’ve realized that our kids are feeling really out of sorts because of the changes to our routine. They are both having a particularly hard time with entertaining themselves because in our previous structure they had a lot more people entertaining them. I will be working to stretch them with a mix of guided and autonomous activities to see if that will help their behavior.

2. Quality hubby time: Date night on Saturday and look for a temporary sitter.

My mother in law will be giving us a break on Saturday so we can go out for a romantic dinner. I will make sure to leave conversation about the kids at home so we can talk about us. We also need a sitter to help spell us at least once a week for the rest of our trip.

3. Personal care: Do yoga with the kids in the mornings.

My back is quite out of whack and I’ve been wanting to get into a yoga practice. I will initiate one that the kids can do with me this week. We’ll see how it goes….

4. Organization: Put things where they belong.

REPEATING THIS GOAL. I still need more practice to turn this into a habit. It’s really hard for me to do in the moment, but just taking a look around to see what I can put away has been helpful.

5. Work/Life Balance: When I’ve completed my goals, I will walk away from my computer.

This past week I found that I really lingered at the computer, even after I’d gotten work done. I am going to make an effort instead to unplug when I am done. I think it will help improve both my mentality and the kids’ behavior so they don’t feel like they need to compete for my attention.

*****

This past week was rough. When the kids are having trouble it tends to really disrupt my rhythms. In addition, I was struggling with a couple of emotions of my own and feeling a bit insecure. Sharing these feelings with my husband really helped put it into perspective and provided an opportunity for us to reconnect.

How are you doing with your Sanity Plan? What are your goals for the coming week? Did you notice any particular barriers to completing what you wanted to get done?

Week 2 – The Sanity Plan Goals Review

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Welcome to the weekly goals review. This is where I will complete a review of my prior week’s goals as well as setting a new round for the upcoming week. I’m glad to have you on board. Are you working on your Sanity Plan?

Weekly Goals Review

  1. Positive parenting: Allow for extra time and patience for the kids due to transitions.

I actually did pretty well with this. It was definitely harder at the end of the week, though, after a long week of cleaning up from the party, packing for our trip, and solo parenting. Lesson learned: Having this as a concrete goal really helped me to remain conscious of how I wanted to treat the kids as well as keeping in mind what they might be experiencing.
2. Quality hubby time: Take time to have a deeper conversation.

We had a unusual opportunity after the party to sit down and talk about life together with no kids and no interruptions. He shared with me that he’s been feeling overwhelmed and distracted and I felt closer to him as we talked it through. Lesson learned: Every time we talk this way, I am reminded of why I fell in love with my husband in the first place – it’s such an important goal for me to continue to bond with him in this way.

3. Personal care: Get back on board with taking my morning medication.

Done. Lesson learned: This was strictly a mindset change. I’d been giving myself too many excuses to skip it and now I am back to the idea that it is critical and it comes first, even before getting up to get my son.

4. Organization: Pack early.

I would have been done… except for the fact that my husband bumped up his departure time by a day.

5. Work/Life Balance: Begin new copywriting gig.

Done. This one was a little precarious because our sitter called out. But, I worked it out with my husband that he would take the kids after dinner so I could have devoted time to work. I could have tried to do it during the day while juggling the kids, but I am learning that I really need focused and uninterrupted time, especially when learning something new. Lesson learned: When it comes to balance, it is important to evaluate your needs and find a way to meet them, even if that means asking for help.

This Week’s Goals

Here are my goals for this week based on my 5 improvement areas:

  1. Positive parenting: Spend this week working on my daughter’s demanding behavior.

Our four year old daughter’s “demanding” behavior has been escalating this past week. It could be related to the transitions I discussed above, but I’d like to spend some time working with her on it. I will observe the behavior and see if I can determine some causal factors, and then develop a couple of key strategies to handle it. I’ll likely write a post on this coming soon.

2. Quality hubby time: Put the kids to bed and enjoy a night cap on the back deck.

Now that we’ve settled into our rental, I’ll coordinate an evening where we put the littles down on time and get the teen to do something solo so we can enjoy some husband and wife time. One of the things that’s hard about having older children who stay up later is that they are often up until you go to bed. I’ve found I actually need to create strategies to work around this to still have quality time with my husband.

3. Personal care: Drink an extra glass of water in the afternoon.

Another habit I’d like to improve on is drinking more water. I don’t like to drink liquids with my meals, so I’ve been needing to find another time that I can drink a full glass of water on a somewhat empty stomach. It was really helpful for me to use a cell phone reminder when I did the doorway stretches, so I’m going to set a reminder for 3 p.m. every day to drink water.

4. Organization: Put things where they belong.

I have a confession to make: I never put anything where it belongs. I often wander about putting things down in all sorts of places. I mean, I barely even remember to close cabinet or pantry doors when I’m done using them. Since we are in a rental, with a whole lot less “stuff,” I think it will be good to begin to implement some better organizational habits. This week, I will focus on creating homes for “things,” and putting everything where it belongs. This one’s really hard for me, wish me luck!

5. Work/Life Balance: Plan my new writing schedule.

Our situation has changed quite a bit. We are in a temporary location where I do not have help with the kids. I am willing to relax my writing goals somewhat, but I want to establish some routines so that I can have undivided work time with set goals of what I want to accomplish. Since my husband has to work during the day, I will likely be taking a couple of evenings per week to write, in addition to nap times, but I want to test and establish the schedule this week.

Overall Thoughts

I had a really hard time coming up with ways to reconnect with my husband, which tells me that it has really not been on my mind. I am very involved with the kids and my writing, but my relationship with my husband is so important as well (I mean, we did commit to an entire lifetime together!). I am glad I have this as a goal, because it really has fallen by the wayside with the kids, despite our best intention that we weren’t going to let it. This week is still pretty transitional, as we get used to our vacation home, so I want to keep it easy while we all acclimate.

How are you doing with your Sanity Plan? What are your goals for the coming week? Did you notice any particular barriers to completing what you wanted to get done?

Efficiency, My Captor

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680x450-working2My days are ruled by a terrible master. Slave driving and tireless, it never ends and never lessens.

I am not sure where it comes from. Is it left over from being a career woman? Did 15 years in the corporate work force influence me to reevaluate my entire life through the schema of productivity? When did it become so pervasive that it spilled over into my home life?

I see it in our society. I see is all around me. Every other article headline tells how we can be more efficient. How we can push harder. How we can get more done.

This drive conflicts with the biggest thing I’m doing right now.

Raising my kids.

Child rearing and efficiency are like oil and water. They don’t mix, and even if you can get them somewhat combined (shake, shake, shake!), it’s only a matter of time before they are polarized again.

The drive for efficiency leaves me with this aching feeling of never getting enough done. That I should always be multitasking. That any time spent waiting in line or even sitting with my children should also be combined with checking emails and mental preparation of what needs to be done next.

I make endless lists in multiple notebooks, on my phone, or in my mind. I feel compartmentalized to the point of having a fragmented mind at any given time during the day. I struggle to give my 100% attention to any single thing in a single moment.

I am constantly striving to be better at managing it all. But I am never really enjoying anything.

I am barely here.

How can I organize my life so that I can always have the laundry in at just the right time for me to do a certain task before moving it to the dryer? And then another task to fill the space until the drying is done? But I can’t forget it is in there… Can’t forget anything.

How can I fit in playing with and educating the children, while managing the household, planning meals, and cooking? Or working? Will I ever be able to manage going back to a full time career?

450x680-siblingsThe children ask if can I play with them, and more and more I respond with “I have to do this. I have to do that.” So rarely anymore do I feel free enough to prompt play, or join in with them while they play on their own. How must they feel watching their mom consumed by a whirlwind of never-ending tasks?

Why are they not more important to me?

Why can’t I just sit and enjoy? Be present. Ignore the feelings that I should be getting something done. This is doing something. This is doing exactly what I’ve always wanted to do. Have children. Love them. Play with them. Teach them and share their joys.

I love my children. Why is that not enough to calm the itch of productivity? To ease the drive for efficiency. To erase the beckoning of my to do list.

Why do I long for them to sleep so that I can get to work? Are they really so hard to handle? Are they the placeholder in my mind between real times of work and productivity?

Why am I so unsettled by the aimless meandering that is their childhood rhythm?

Time does not hold a child captive. I can remember my four-year-old referring to every meal as dinner. I always corrected her, but it never mattered to her. Dinner was just when she ate.

No amount of urgency moves a child. Because seeing that toy you want to play with is way more fascinating than getting dressed. And you really have no concept that someone may be upset with you for being late – because you don’t even really understand what time is.

But mom does. That clock is ticking. The sound of every second can be deafening under the burden of feeling like nothing gets done. The burden that could potentially be eased if only I could be more efficient during those precious moments of free time and good energy. If I just pushed harder.

And now I must stop. I’m glad that you understand. I thought I was the only one.

I can breathe now.

I think I’ll go see what the kids are up to.

The hell with efficiency.

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